Tag Archives: attitude

Giving Your Teenager Some Space

Giving your teenager some space..
It is Thursday night and my daughter is going to the drive in movie with her cheer team.  She knows that she will be out late and needs to be up for summer gym in the morning.
Friday morning is here..and she is up and ready when we have to leave with being reminded.  She’s a smart girl and knows the consequences if she’s not on time.

But then here comes the attitude…I choose to drive the long one mile to the high school in silence.  On days like this, i just learned to pick my battles.   I remember the late nights with my friends in high school and my mom would just point me in the direction of my room for the day.  

Sometimes I have to just ignore my teenager daughter’s eye rolls and attitude…I’m sure thats bad to say,  but sometimes the look alone tells me to back off.  It’s better not to say anything some mornings than to get the eye roll and mumble…the constant bickering with her brother over the pronunciation of a word that drives me nuts…I’m not sure what makes the teenager mood swings and attitude so much worse some days.. then the next day she will sit in the kitchen and talk my ear off about friends and practice.

So I have learned to notice the signs and just let it go.. I don’t fuel the fire with the little things.  After that summer gym class, I let my daughter sleep all afternoon.  Then at dinner time,  I handed her the chore list for the day.  She did them no questions asked… We all have days that we need more sleep or more time alone.  

I have learned that maybe things don’t get done how I would like them, but they get done. If I would have hounded her to do her chores after class, it would have been a painful fight… I knew to just give her the space and she would be fine later.  

When the teenager years first started, it was a definite adjustment… I had a hard time understanding why she didn’t want to do the same things as her younger siblings.  It is hard to find things that we all enjoy now together.   The older they get the harder this becomes… they want friends along or they just don’t want to go.  Or why do they have to watch netflix on their phones in their room instead of watching with all of us in the living room.  

I have learned to do more things one on one with them.   I do not want to always make them do things together when its going to be a painful fight or no one can agree.   I have learned that my kids are so different when they are one on one with you.  They talk and talk and talk…sometimes they almost talk to much..haha.  

So many times I don’t bombard her with questions the minute she gets home from school, practice movies.. .. I let her go to her room and unwind for a bit.. then she’ll usually come and tell me all about whatever she was doing…

I give my kids independence to learn to do things for themselves, while I’m biting my tongue along the way.   I want them to need me but I also want them to make decisions.  Its a fine line to walk… and painful sometimes.  

Painful to keep my comments to myself and let them figure things out for themselves.  My daughter knew that if I let her stay out late, she would need to get up for class.  She also knew that if I let her sleep, she would need to do some chores.  And I have learned to back off a bit and let my kids do things differently than I might.

-Snarky

 

https://www.snarkydivorcedgirl.com/

 

 

Birds Of A Feather

Growing up I heard birds of a feather flock together. This statement is only partially true, the more you hang around people the more you start to mirror them. Humans are naturally social creatures. The odd duck gets left behind, it’s kind of a evolutionary response to become like the people you surround yourself with.

The top five people you interact with will rub off on you, Including the people you interact with on social media. Actually I am starting to believe social media may have a as big or bigger impact on us than real life interactions. In person socialization for the most part is more filtered unless you are extremely close with that person. On social media there a little to no filters especially on negativity and the dark sides of an individual.

If you would I would like you to take a moment, scroll through your timeline and pay attention. How much of is it negative? I bet a majority of you will be surprised. You may think, what do I do now? I don’t want to unfriend this person I care about. I recommend changing the settings for following frequency and finding positive people and pages to see majority in your social media.

You can still love and be apart of people’s lives without letting their ish influence you.

I myself love to surround myself with people I aspire to be like, it keeps me on a path of continuous growth, and protects me from getting comfortable and sliding backwards. There are a few people I still talk to that I used to talk to everyday, once I started working on myself I outgrew them. It’s ok to outgrow people who are important to us. There have only been a handful a people that even though I loved them dearly, I had to let go and cut them out completely. This is because once I started healing and growing I realized they were a toxic influence on me. These people weren’t, and aren’t bad people, they had just become toxic to the path I had started on, and they would have pulled me back down before I would have ever been able to pull them up.

Surround yourself with the success, joy, love, and anything else you want to become. Find those qualities in others and find your soul tribe.

Learning, Loving, Growing

Ali

Mood MATTERS!

What is your mood today???

I have for you the best answer to the most asked question on the planet.

What you are experiencing right now is what’s called intellectually confounding.

You want to know the answer because its the best, yet you’re not even sure what the question is.

The most asked question on Planet Earth is….

“How are you”?

I’m sorry to report the most asked question on planet earth is given the least amount of attention. The least amount of care. The least consideration.

But not me. I won’t give in to mediocrity.

Average is the best of the worst and the worst of the best.

And easy is the enemy of progress.

I have taken an oath, a challenge to disrupt the world.

You only control one thing in your life. ONE. Your mood.

Everything else is out of your control.

Yes, I don’t smoke, I don’t drink or drug, I eat right and exercise-but that’s no guarantee that I’ll live another day. I could get hit by a bus tomorrow. I could get a lousy call from the Dr.

ANYTHING is possible.

Which also means anything IS possible.

So, I choose to control what I CAN control.

My Attitude.

Yup, its the six inches between my ears.

But it’s my call.

That’s on ME!

So each and everyday I pick a mood from my Choose a Mood Box.

It’s my choice so I stacked the deck.

For the last 6 months each and every time someone asked me how I was I answered “AMAZING”, “AWESOME”, “FANTASTIC”. And I say it with enthusiasm; SELL IT!

These last 3 weeks I have chosen “MAGNIFICENT”! It has a little more formality to it….like I’m wearing a suit and tie. Maybe a top hat and spectacle.

Why, you ask? WHY NOT? If you get to choose, why not choose great?

And when people ask me why I’m Magnificent, my current reply is; “We live in the greatest country in the world, during the most advanced time in human history. My job isn’t so difficult that I need the intellect of splitting atoms, nor so physically demanding that I’m shoveling coal. So what could I possibly complain about? Seriously?! I GET TO WAKE UP.”

Do I need to be stressed if things don’t go well at work? Can they survive without me? I pass a graveyard everyday on my morning commute; it’s loaded with people who thought they were irreplaceable. The world keeps turning. Sun keeps rising and with any luck, in the morning so will I. And when I do, I’ll greet it with the best good morning you ever saw.

I’m Jay Cummings and you’ve just been Moodivated. Try it for 3 weeks, then pay it forward and do to someone else what I just did to you. It’s a great life if you choose it. Changing the world one smile at a time.

you can visit jay at www.imoodivate.com

 

Forgiveness and The True Concept

It occurred to me today  that many people in the world have a hard time with the true concept of forgiveness.  Not only do individual people have problems with forgiveness, countries have issues with it as do political parties.  Many of us feel that our anger, animosity, hatred and bad feelings are JUSTIFIED and God help anyone who tries to tell us otherwise.  Given an opportunity most people will tell you about who did them wrong in life and if you watch closely you will see in the telling of that incident the true story of their lives…

Usually in the re-telling of the bad divorce, the lost election, the abusive childhood, the business deal gone bad, the unexpected death or the ultimate betrayal, a wise person is able to see the sadness and disappointment that reside just beneath the anger.  Anger, sadness, hurt and disappointment held onto over time become vehicles for that which is against life.  The darkness in the world feeds off of these type of emotions and truly that is the only thing that gives life to the darkness.  If people could come to understand that holding onto past hurts is actually stealing their health and vitality perhaps they would learn to LET GO.

That is my working definition of forgiveness, letting go.  My coaching on forgiveness does not involve over-looking or forgetting what has happened—it involves letting it go, so that the incident no longer has any reactive power over you.  When you can maintain your inner equilibrium no matter what befalls you, you will have achieved a level of mastery unknown to most.  You cannot control the behaviors and actions of others; however you can control your reaction to them.  You can decide to be hurt or offended or you can decide not to be—the choice is always yours.  People are doing the best they can for who they are in the moment and mostly they are not even conscious of how their actions affect others—people are pretty self-absorbed.

I suspect that the average person fails to understand the cost of holding onto anger and animosity.  The cost is not just an individual one—not only does holding onto yucky stuff kill your health and vitality it also doesn’t help the collective consciousness of the world.  Don’t be foolish enough to think that the fight you are having with your brother has no effect on what is happening in Iraq or in Israel…energy is collective.  Your hatred of your business partner or the guy who cut you off on the highway or the opposing political party goes forth into the ethers as energy…in this case BAD ENERGY.  Your nasty attitude is not only effecting you, it is effecting all of us….so QUIT IT!

I’m not suggesting that we all run around wearing orange robes giving out flowers—I am, however, suggesting that we all (myself included) begin to take a deeper look at what anger and animosity we might be holding onto and how that is affecting our quality of life.  It is easy to see what righteous anger and hatred is costing other countries (as people are literally dying to be right)—is it as easy to see what it is costing us as individuals?

Being angry takes up a lot of time and energy, it also affects your health and state of mind…

So next time you are feeling really hot under the collar and your blood pressure is rising—ask yourself –is it really worth it?