Tag Archives: appreciate

How’s It Going To Be?

How’s it going to be?

It’s Sunday and the time change has officially happened. I am officially not a fan. I have a third cup of not very warm coffee nearby and Third Eye Blind in my ears.

This week is officially one year. The world shut down. I’m starting to see posts on friends’ social media remembering. For me I quit a job, I honestly was on the verge of losing after fifteen years. I had just started again financially. My daughter was almost a teenager. I was starting to finally let someone in.

Then the world stopped.

Now a year later we are slowly opening back up. I have been back to work since August. So the awkwardness of being social, I got out of the way months ago.But I have worries.

Let’s start with the outlandish ones. It’s perhaps completely silly, but it’s something I’ve thought about a lot. In the last year there are people in my life I have stood by everyday. Called. Texted. Made sure they are loved and supported. Now that they can venture out…will they still need me? I know. I know.

But I mean they’ve been stuck with me for a year. So …

Then there’s the more serious worry. My daughter. Finally going back to school.I know she’s excited to see her friends but will she be safe? She will be a freshman who has never been in that building but then I think umm…that’s all the kids so…ok. Settle down there.

Her relationship with her Dad. He’s always been a bit flighty in seeing her but during this last year he REALLY leaned into that.Are they going to be ok?

I guess that is where I do my thing and support her as I have been.I don’t know how it’s gonna be, but this is what I do know.I continue to be thankful for the littlest of things. I really do have the most amazing kid. Seriously I hate how I got here, but for the most part I appreciate that I got to know people in my life in a different way.

So a year later there’s that and I’ll take it.

Be safe

Much love Mommas

💚Caprise

Appreciation Post

Appreciation post….

It is Sunday night after the holiday. My trusty sidekick is at my feet snoring very loudly. I have finally decided to bust open one of the non alcoholic cocktails I got myself for a treat. It claims to be a take on a Whiskey old Fashion… not sure if that’s true. But it’s yummy nonetheless and filling the void I sometimes feel now that I don’t drink.

I wanted to say thank you …

To you all.

To those who stop here.

Read what we write.

Maybe you smile.

Maybe you don’t.

Maybe you can relate and that helps.

Or maybe not.

But a long time ago after feeling helpless too many times I made the decision to take control of something I could. Something that might make people feel better.

And that was telling them they were appreciated.

Cared about.

Thought about.

Missed.

Loved.

I could tell you all the ways I feel like my life has fallen off the tracks at one point. I could tell you how I got frustrated and hurt that everything didn’t line up to make a perfect picture I could post on Facebook and brag about on Instagram.

But the reality is that is my reality and I can’t control it.

And I really believe everything happens for a reason.

What I can do is cheer lead for the people who held my hand when I thought my world was falling apart.

Never stop thanking my friends who sat with me every weekend until I could sit alone.

Always wish everyone Happy Birthday.

Send someone a song. 

Say hello to a stranger at the store and try REALLY hard to smile with my eyes.

Tell my people I appreciate them.

Hug my daughter.

Tell her I love her.

Compliment someone.

Say please.

Say thank you

Over and over again.

These are things I can control.

These are things we need more of.

That small hi with me  making the eyes over my mask maybe I’ll at least get a giggle?

It’s a start.

I have no answers for this past year except I am happy to see it gone.

And move into 2021 with a Mr. Rogers quote as my mantra: the greatest thing we can do is to help somebody know that they are  loved and capable of loving 

 

Be safe

Much love 

Happiest of New Years my sweet wonderful Mamas

💚

Caprise 

Season Of Gratitude

Season of gratitude….

With Thanksgiving right around the corner I am especially aware of how important it is to be grateful. Not merely as a concept, but more as an experience that can bring you to tears.

It has taken me the better part of my adult life to fully experience gratitude in my body. One of the turning points for me was reading a book called Gratefulness, the Heart of Prayer by Brother David Steindl-Rast. He has a wonderful video on YouTube where he described why we should be profoundly grateful to simply wake up in the morning. I encourage you to view it here https://youtu.be/3Zl9puhwiyw.

The bottom line is what Brother David expresses is everything in this world has been given to us. The air that we breathe, the water that we drink, our bodies that’s simply work. I used to take all of these things for granted. The idea that I could just go into the kitchen and turn on the faucet and have clean, potable water to drink. Both hot and cold running water when so much of the world doesn’t have it. That is amazing. Really.

This was also my wife’s favorite time of the year. She assigned all of her clients and students to write 1000 gratitudes before Thanksgiving day. I never once heard anyone say ” yay I can’t wait!” The reaction was more commonly a groan or a grunt. It always became an exercise in overcoming ourselves, but in the long run was a glorious exercise. And showed us how there are so many things in our lives day to day, to be grateful for. The people and things that we interact with every day make our lives wonderful, and we can stop and acknowledge that. 

Of course there are some things in our lives we cannot be grateful for, that we wish would never have happened,  or would never happen again, but that’s not what this exercise is about. Trust me, you can always return to that way of thinking anytime you choose, but for today, for now join me in thinking about all of the wonderful things, and all the wonderful people in our lives. Because we can.

~Steve

Be Grateful

Be grateful…If you are anything like me, you don’t express gratitude as much as you could or should. It’s not to say that I don’t  feel grateful, I just don’t express it. Of course we all say the obligatory thank you when we have been contributed to, but that’s not really expressing gratitude.

My wife, Toni, who recently passed away, was a teacher and a coach to thousands of people and was one of the most generous people I’ve known in my life. She was taught by her parents, her father would say to always arrive at someone’s house with your arms so full that you have to ring the doorbell with your elbow. Gratitude and generosity are very closely linked. Toni was also the most prolific note and card sender I have ever known. She always had a stack of blank cards within arms reach that she would write thank you notes in and mail out every day. Often times she would include things like candy bars, or a book or an article. 

In all of her groups and trainings, she would include, as an assignment, writing gratitudes to people in their lives. Most would oblige reluctantly. We would collect them, add a stamp and mail them for them. She wanted to make sure that they were delivered because she knew what would invariably happen. Students would get phone calls, often accompanied by tears, thanking them for their wonderful card.

Think about it. How would you like to receive a card out of the blue acknowledging you or expressing gratitude for something you did?

 

Let’s all be more grateful and make more people in our lives smile.

~Steve

Give Honest And Sincere Appreciation

Giving honest and sincere appreciation…

Dale Carnegie’s 2nd human relations principle.

We all want to know we make a difference to someone or to many someones. Remember the last time someone appreciated you? and how enlivened you felt? Why wouldn’t you want to make someone else feel that way?  

I’m like you. I get busy and don’t take the time to let others know what they mean to me and how they have contributed to my life as much as I could. I also know what a difference it would make for them to hear it. So, why do I hesitate? There are a lot of answers to that question, but none of them are a good justification. Nothing creates or builds a relationship more than being honest. And that includes being honest about how others have contributed to you.

My wife was well known for celebrating birthdays. And one of her signature acts was to make sure that we went around the table allowing everyone to acknowledge the person who’s birthday it was. After all the food was eaten and gifts opened up, People would take a turn saying three things they appreciate about them. It’s always a bit awkward to give and/or receive appreciation, but this is worth more than all the gifts people brought. To hear how you make a difference, even in a small way, stokes the ‘fire in your belly’ to give more.    

Join me in taking more time to honestly appreciate those around you.

~Steve

I Am Ready for Anything

I am ready for anything……It is Sunday and I started this a bit late. So rather than coffee I have an icy Diet Pepsi and The Foo Fighters keeping me company.

Dave Grohl is singing about signs. “ I got superstition. Rulin’ my decision.”

His refrain is a bit relevant to this week’s blog. I went back to work this past week and aside from being a bundle of nerves I also went back with a bundle of worries.

It would be easy to think I am worried about safety and while I was a bit, I was and I wasn’t..  I trust my employer and myself.

It was all the other things.

I have mentioned this in a previous blog a bit cheekily but now I am going to address it head on.

I worked for the same company for almost fourteen years. And while the last year was incredibly stressful and if I’m being honest not pleasant- I knew it.

Getting hired in the midst of COVID for almost six months I had been protected by a computer screen.

Any quirks and awkwardness I kinda could hide. If I was stressed I could step away from my computer.

I had a much more leisurely morning routine. To be honest my routine in general.

Driving

Lunches

Snacks

Coffee

All things I need to think about.

I would miss my daughter, my dog.

I also would now have to deal with a phone, that piece of my job had been taken away for a bit.

Before I tell you how it went. Again I have to say how lucky I am. How fortunate I am. People I care about have been impacted by all of this. I am reminded daily what I have.

So…

I survived.

In fact I am going to say, I thrived. I have found my place. While I can only see everyone’s eyes they are smiling.

Mine are smiling back.

For the first time in a long time I leave work happy, not because I am leaving lol, because I’m happy where I work.

One of my friends reminded me being a Mom prepares you to be ready for anything. To take things as they come.

So, as I head back into the Wild as I call it, that is exactly what I am doing. I am ready for anything. Or last I am pretending I am.

 

Be safe and much love Mommas

<3 Caprise

 

Mother’s Day Redo

It is Mother’s Day as I type this and I woke up angry and exhausted.

I am ashamed to admit that.  But I am tired of this.

Everywhere I turn. AND everyone has an opinion and it’s crushing lately.

I am trying so hard not to be that person. You know her… Debbie Downer. I am grateful but I am full of regret and hurt.

I am angry.

Like really angry.

And the thing is… that’s ok.

I am gonna say this for those of you in the back. If you haven’t showered for five days. If you are letting the kids eat chips and salsa for breakfast. While not the best choice. It’s ok.

There is no manual for this.

I know we have had this talk a few times but we are still here. It’s still happening.

People are showing their true colors and I’m gonna say it, some people ooh dang. Suddenly I seem very bright in comparison even though I feel very gray, lol.

I will say as much as I try not to be in my head I have begun to learn what matters to me. Really matters. 

I’ve said this before but I am going to type it LOUDLY. Remember who people were to you during this. That’s them. 

I know look who’s giving you advice? Ms. Crabby pants. 

When you are finally able. Love on your people. Remind them all the time. Who they are to you. The biggest lesson I have learned is how I am in friendships and … relationships.

It’s a different world when you can’t meet your friends for coffee. When you can’t have dinner with your favorite person.

Words suddenly matter.

I text and call people like it’s my job now.

There’s a meme about taking this time to get in touch with ourselves but we are baking banana bread.I’m taking it to strengthen my friendships. To make sure the people I love and care about, always know I do.

I am a guarded person who is working really hard to put my guard down. Time is precious. People are precious. I didn’t realize what I took for granted, until it all changed.  Until it’s not there.

I have been fed a yummy breakfast. Hopped up on several cups of coffee. I am much less grumpy than I was this morning. But I have to keep telling myself it’s ok. It’s alright. 

Remember ok is good because it can be great. 

It’s ironic isn’t it I don’t want any more advice, but my hope in sharing this with you, is that you find some comfort in knowing if you are feeling any sort of way-you’re not alone.

Much love Mommas

Be safe 

<3 Caprise

I Want To Thank You

I want to thank you…

Last week I dipped my toe in the pool and shared with you all the reality of my marriage.

Believe it or not I am a pretty private person. So even though every week I share pieces of me here. I have people in my life who are still trying to piece together if I’m married. No.  Or dating… I will say this.  Maybe lol.

But that’s not what this is about. It’s about the aftermath of putting such a big piece of me on a platter.

Full disclosure last week I read every last comment  on my post right before I had to pick up my daughter, I got in my car and sobbed. Heavy, shaking sobs. First my heart was breaking that so many women understood. Second, my heart was breaking because complete strangers understood when the people I loved and trusted had not.

I can not put into words how much I appreciate all the messages and kind words.

I didn’t share my story for support, I shared it in hopes of letting other people know they’re not alone. I shared it to show it can happen to anyone. I shared it because it’s important to share it.

Again and again and again.

Even though its incredibly hard to admit it happened. I have always been a strong person I still am. But even strong people can get hurt.

I was asked by someone who I care about immensely after they read it, two things:

Why I let this happen

If I am bitter

It’s like I’ve said. Sometimes you get so far in, you believe all the words. You don’t know what to do.

Becoming a Mom dug me out. I don’t make that a secret. G deserved to see what a happy Mom looked like.

Am I bitter? No. Am I guarded and private and quirky as all get out? Oh my goodness yes.

I strongly feel I just chose poorly. I also know I don’t make it easy for people to know me. I still believe in being married and someday maybe again.

But I have very high walls.

I also still live with the worry my ex will somehow see these. Which shouldn’t matter. But I wouldn’t be truthful if I didn’t tell you, he still makes me nervous. What he might do.

My hope is that someday I won’t.

My last and final share here is I am happy. It’s taken a while and things aren’t perfect but the fact that I can share any of this. The fact it’s not nearly as scary as I thought it would be, means I am finally taking me back. And you Mommas have helped me.

Thank you

<3 Caprise

More Better Days

Don’t stop me if you’ve heard this already, it’s a good one. Do you realize that most of our “better days” haven’t even happened yet? That is actually quite amazing. I have been blessed enough in my life to have some awesome “better days”. Not all of them have been major accomplishments or even stacked with luxury. They all happened while just living out my life in real time.

I was able watch and beam with pride as my son and his team won a State Football Championship his senior year. I have screamed at the top of my lungs and jumped up and down while witnessing my daughter make a game winning PK in a shootout at a State Soccer Tournament. I have held babies, traveled to places with some of my favorite people, laughed until it hurt and tears streamed down my face, bought coffee for strangers behind me, seen some amazing sunrises and phenomenal sunsets. Talk about better days! I have had plenty…and I could go on and on.

I have also had my share of war stories. Having to pick myself up in times where I thought I couldn’t go on – maneuvering through some of the worst times of my life thus far. Feelings of insecurity, uncertainty, and shame. Feeling like I am transparent and that everyone in the entire world can see through me and knows my every fear and wanting to hide from the world because of it. But, I want more “better days”… and they are coming for me.

Recently, I have put a considerable amount of thought into what “better days” means to me. It means feeling more whole. More complete. Feeling more joys than sorrows. Tipping the happiness scale in my favor. The best part? I have a hand in choosing those better days. I get to choose how I respond to things that are not meant for me. I get to eliminate things that rob me of my joy, to bring myself peace. I don’t have to explain why and I don’t owe anyone anything for doing it. I get to hold out and know that I will indeed have better days – and I am ready.

Ready for those days to enter my life and burn themselves into my memory. Thinking of the times to come brings tears of excitement to my eyes. I look forward to seeing my children accomplishing their goals, watching them get married, holding my future grandchildren. I get to look forward to traveling to beautiful destinations that photos don’t do justice, and take it all in. When the time is right – experiencing immense butterflies with a first kiss, and at some point falling in love all over again. Driving with the windows down and the radio up while it plays my favorite songs on a warm summer day. Those are what “better days” are made of.

I get it, there will be some not-so-better-days ahead too. Dates on the calendar that we’d rather not remember. Holes and voids in our hearts left by those who should have loved us more. Missing someone who is gone too soon. Wanting to fall into bed at the end of the day painfully waiting for the day to be over. However, those days make the better ones so much more important. It aids them to be appreciated more.

Better days are on the horizon. I refuse to let them pass me by going unnoticed for what they truly are. I exercise my right to no longer feel as if I am required to walk with my head down and blinders on. There are more “better days” meant for me, and for you too!

I am putting up and waving my white flag in the wind, and giving up feeling like I don’t deserve the better days ahead. Instead, I am relishing in the appreciation and anticipation that I in fact get better days.

 

  • Jenn

A Little Time

The closer I get to five decades the more I find myself appreciating not flowers, candy and fancy restaurants but when someone gives me their time.

I’ve noticed lately when someone takes a few minutes out of their day to connect with me, it means so much more than a dozen roses ever could.

Don’t get me wrong I still appreciate big gestures. They’re just not nearly as important.

What’s important is someone taking the time. It seems like a small thing but it really has such a huge impact.

A five minute phone call

A three word text

Game changers

I feel like somewhere along the way I had been misguided into thinking a shiny piece of jewelry would right a lot of wrongs.  I blame Lifetime. Lol.  What matters to me is time.

Here’s the thing I don’t even need a lot of it, but someone who takes a few minutes out of their day to let you know they’re thinking of you. That is someone that cares about you.

Time is a valuable commodity. We are all very aware of that. So when someone gives me theirs, it’s huge.

If someone cares about you, they should.

Honestly.

With all the technology we have it is easy to let someone know they are on your brain.

That goes for friends too. Mom life is a busy life. We all know. But man can I just say how much I appreciate my girls who at our collective kid’s bedtime start up the group chat?

Or the random meme that gets sent.

I have one friend who even sends letters!

Ok, she’s a bit of an overachiever lol.

But I can’t tell you much it means to have the WORST week at work and I’ll see one of her colorful envelopes.

Time is precious. If you have given me yours, even in the smallest increment it’s had a huge impact on me.

My hope for you Mommas is time. Whether it’s downtime, alone time, time with your family or a special someone, or funny text between you and a good friend . We all deserve that.

<3 Caprise