Tag Archives: apart

The Fixer Of Broken Boys Part 13: He’s Back

In the midst of all this chaos I get a phone call that brought the guitar player back into my life.

All the way from California… our story wasn’t over.

Sometimes even though you know you shouldn’t you let people back in. You do. The guitar player was hard not to the close door on.

Have you ever had such crazy chemistry with someone that even the sound of their voice effects you?

I used to love getting his voicemail because I could hear his voice. His voice. His smile. His hugs. So much…too much. Not enough…

I had just moved my little daughter and I into a condo we couldn’t afford when I got an email:” it’s me I miss you. Tell me something only we would know so we know it’s each other.”

I did and then we were texting.

Then talking.

All the time, for hours.

I was torn. I was technically still married but husband refused to divorce me,this man lived halfway across the country … what was happening.

Along the way my husband drafted a contract – still no legal divorce. In it we were allowed to date even though we weren’t divorced. I would find out later it was because he had been dating a woman he met on his volleyball league well before I had moved out. Prior to that another woman was pursued but didn’t count because she wasn’t interested.

Yet he wouldn’t divorce me.

So when after almost 15 years and several states between us- the guitar player said he wanted to see me. I said yes.

I shook the whole time.

Men have an unfair advantage, sometimes with aging some get more handsome. Yup

We were together on and off for six years.

At first it felt like there was a real chance, but then all the things that stopped us the first time started bubbling to the surface. Except this time I had a child.

Who he never tried to meet.

I started volunteering at a radio station which took time away from him.

The TV show I hosted I did to meet men, or so he thought.

I was called names.

I never met his family.

I paid for everything.

Through the volunteering and job promotions I started getting myself back. I wanted to build a life with him, but every time it came up there was a reason to wait.

The tipping point… being in his bedroom while his nephew delivered a couch and him letting them joke about the women he could have on the couch.

I WAS IN THE BEDROOM (!)

The final straw was a weekend I was supposed to see him my daughter was sick so I couldn’t, he got mad and said I used her as an excuse and put her first.

I was furious.

I added up all the miles and money and hours and broke up with him.

It was a slow break.

I still hold guilt.

I glossed through a lot, but he moved cross country to be with me. He powered through a disease that makes it impossible for him to be in social situations and I was just going to leave him?

Yes

Because you can’t stay with someone out of guilt

You can’t stay to try and fix past sins

Someone shouldn’t use those things to make you.

Also, it wasn’t just about me anymore.

I was now the Mom of a daughter and I needed to show her what it looked like to have someone in your life who would go to Target with you even if they’d rather be at Home Depot.

~~Caprise

Single Mom of the amazing Dbl G
Teacher
Sometime DJ
T-shirt collector
Henry Rollins Middle Aged Punk Prom Date

Cheers to the ‘Broken’ People…

Broken people and by ‘broken’ I mean that you have lived through things that didn’t work out the way you intended, relationships that broke apart, people that betrayed you, let you down, disappointed you. Or you have literally lived through being broke as hell and clawed your way up out of that. Or you were faced with something that you thought you couldn’t survive and YOU DID. By ‘broken’ I mean that things broke apart, that the perfect picture in your head was shattered into a million little bits and you had to recreate it, you had to get up and go to work anyway…you had to take care of your kid or kids anyway…you had to dry your tears, swallow your anger and get back out there and play ball.

 

Cheers to us, the ‘broken’ people…because we are stronger, fiercer, wiser, smarter and more well prepared for REAL living than the people that fall down and get into bed at the first sign of trouble, the ones who cry and whine about how life isn’t fair, the people that think life is a movie with no shitty scenes—those people will have a hard time in this life, they can’t cope…when the shit hits the fan for them or the wind blows their hair out of place or someone swears at them, they come undone, they crumble, they fall down and have no strength to get up and figure it out.

 

We are not like that…we can face down the devil himself if we have to, swords drawn ready to do battle…we are the warriors…we are the people you want standing watch over your soul, we are the ones that can turn any circumstance around because we know that life is what you make of it. If you hand us lemons we will make the best damn lemonade that you ever had and we will drink it with you, celebrating all the way.

 

So STOP wondering why your life isn’t perfect, stop thinking that there is something wrong with you because stuff is happening in your life and start standing strong in who you are. Start understanding that your ‘brokenness’ means that you are stronger than you ever imagined, that you can face down any obstacle, conquer any fear. Let the perfect people have their perfect lives, we know the truth…at the first sign of trouble they are done for and then they will be seeking out the warriors to figure out how to survive.

We are stronger in the broken places, every time we were bent to the ground our roots grew stronger and now nothing can knock us down…so CHEERS to us