Tag Archives: aging

Happy 51st Birthday!

Tomorrow…51st Birthday?!?! WTF? How did that even happen???? I was literally just, like 30! The kid is 18 now too, going on 60 or so he thinks…he’s moving out soon, looking for an apartment with his friends as he works full time as a Sous Chef and tells me it isn’t “cool” to be a Sous Chef and living at home….he says it is ruining his image….pardon me while I roll around on the floor laughing. I am ruining his image???? HAHAHA—-what do you think he did for mine all these years???? (Continues to laugh until she snorts)

So now what? Here I sit at 51 and soon the kid will be on his own…so what now? It strikes me that I don’t even know who I am without having to be concerned about the boy 24/7— I support him moving, I was on my own at an early age too—-so I get that. It’s just that a moment will catch me and I am like completely undone for a flash. Composure is regained and I keep moving…I am not sure how I will sleep at night not knowing exactly where he is or if he got home safe from work…and I can’t always be asking…he will just say I am being a “helicopter parent”. I don’t think regular people GET what it is like to give up everything to pour yourself into the job of raising a child ALL on your own and having to pay for EVERYTHING and then all of a sudden it is complete…at least this phase because of course we are always their parents….that is a lifetime position….lucky us:)

Then there is the whole 51 issue…damn if I had $5.00 for every lesson I have learned…honestly it seems like the first 50 years was just training ground…sometimes I wonder how the hell I made it!! Also what is with the lines in my face all of a sudden??? Like where the F did those even come from??? UGH!

So let’s talk about some of the “biggies”—-lesson wise that is—-

I learned to watch for behavior patterns as well as actions…words I have discovered mean little….actions are important and patterns will tell you even more. Patterns show the history of someone’s behavior and that is SO important.

-I learned how to walk through fire and hell and come out the other side and I learned that the fire refines me every time and every time I come out stronger and wiser. The fire seasons are hard, yet they are the biggest gifts. Truly. When you are IN them, they are hellish—-when you are out the other side you come to appreciate their value to your growth.

-I have learned patience…mostly…:)

-I have learned how to set boundaries and how to say NO

-I have learned that I cannot fix people and I cannot save them….no matter how much I love them or how much I want to…only they can save themselves.

-I have learned and seen first hand that no matter how long it takes, karma NEVER loses an address.

-I learned that I am not for everyone and that is OK.

And lastly I learned to understand my worth and to value that…this one took almost the whole 51 years to get…

There are SO many more…however those are the BIG ones, the ones that came as a result of walking through fire seasons. Life really is a work in progress and change is what keeps pushing us forward…the kid moving will be its own season for me, not quite a fire season yet some sort of reclaiming…

Reclaiming parts of myself that I had to put aside in order to effectively be his mother and make it work…it will be interesting to see who I become now that I can breathe a little…I look forward to sharing this coming season with you.

I will say that I am grateful for ALL of what came before and that I have also learned to have GRACE for myself and for others as well as I learned that everything really IS working together for good even when I cannot see.

Talk next week.

XOXO,

Noelle

What’s My Age Again?

Here I am again writing about my age, getting older and it’s impact, especially on our perception of beauty. One of the very first posts I wrote was on retrospect a kind of ranty post about how I have earned the right to be who I am as I age. This all started as it does because of an insomnia fueled evening spent too long on social media. Filters, crops, edits. Likes, loves. It got me thinking. As we get older is beauty really authentic or filtered. How do you define it? What does it look like? Feel like? What does beauty and aging mean?

Knowing I had a blog post due I asked.

The irony is as I have talked to others I wasn’t too far off from my original post.

Here are the amazing words of the people in my life:

“It equates denial.”

“It’s confidence, kindness. I’ve earned every wrinkle and silver strand of hair just by living life. I feel pretty lucky to be alive.”

“Being confident in who I am and who God made me to be. Aging is great when you realize through the years that those things that make you NOT look like everyone else, are the things that make you uniquely you, and that’s where true beauty is found.”

“I think we live in a pretty awesome time to be “aging” women. When I hit 40, I felt so much more free. And as I get closer to 50, I feel my most amazing, healthy, radiant, and yes beautiful. Now it’s about ME and I finally really, truly don’t care what people think. Plus we have some awesome role models.”

Beauty as you get older is truly relative. When people say it’s all about your attitude I’m here to say I think I finally get it.

At the end of the day whatever makes you happy, brings joy to your life, gives you that spark isn’t that what it’s really all about?

I truly look forward to more adventures. Hopefully becoming a Grandma. Even if it’s of the four legged variety. Beautiful silver hair like my Great Grandmother Mary had. Less makeup or more. Finding my favorite outfit and signature perfume.

Those are the legacies my Grandmothers gave me.

Either way.

Every wrinkle

Piece of hair glitter

They are our mile markers of a life lived.

Much love Mommas,

<3 Caprise

Age Ain’t Nothing But A Number

Age ain’t nothing but a number…

One of my favorite quotes is from Coco Chanel

“you can be gorgeous at thirty, charming at forty, and irresistible for the rest of your life.”

I have riffed about aging before and my struggles, really more my gripes lol.

I have now sat firmly at 47 for three months and I’m still trying to figure out our society’s fascination with aging.

And not necessarily in a good way.

Articles about what women over 40, even 30 should and shouldn’t do.

Cover your gray, don’t cover your gray.

Memes about aging punk ladies – yup that one stung.

Cougars(!)

Friends,

Can I tell you a really big secret? Like it’s huge?

I was a moron in my 20’s.

My 30’s so much change, crazy, crazy change.

My 40’s. I’ve landed.

I’m comfy about 80% of the time.

20% I wish I was 21 sitting next to Eddie Vedder at Lollapalooza.

Yes, that did happen.

But then I wouldn’t have my daughter, my friends, a job I love.

Also, milestones are different for EVERYONE. I have friends who adored high school. I didn’t hate it,but my happy memories were built in college.

I have friends who were BABIES when they had their babies and I have other friends who decided to wait until their 40’s.

I guess where I’m trying to go with this, is aging is a beautiful thing. If you all could see how much my haircuts alone have improved, you’d say “yup Caprise, you’re onto something.”

Each wrinkle and gray hair is a memento of a memory, a battle won.

You know what else age has given me?

A sense of calm.

I recently had a very scary situation with a group of girlfriends and I was able to diffuse the situation.

21 year old of Caprise would have broken out in hives.

47 year old Caprise was cool as a cucumber.

Again, this is just me- but I’m gonna be real. I like me so much better now. I still can be wobbly now and then- but a few cycles around the sun and motherhood have given me the ability to see I can handle a lot more than I ever thought I could.

As for those articles and memes…

I’m gonna wear leopard print as a neutral.

I’m going to keep getting tattoos until I run out of ideas or skin. Sorry Mom!

I am going to continue going to concerts.

Have dates with my friends.

Love on my daughter.

Buy the shoes.

Eat the pizza and as Coco said be irresistible or pretend like I am.

But most of all remember age ain’t nothing but a number.

 

As always much love Mamas.

<3

Caprise

Counting Down (or up) to 50…

In 25 days I turn 50.  I decided that was worth talking to you about this morning…at the moment the self-loathing is at an all-time high because there are some things that are not the way I wanted them to be for my 50th birthday.  It’s been a hard year, in April 2017 I left the corporate world as most of you know and by doing so I cut my income by about 2/3 and my expenses stayed the same:)  My decision there was based on the fact that I wanted to work for myself again doing the things that I felt mattered or at least, perhaps helping to leave the world better than I found it.  Although still happy with my decision the economic consequences have been a trial of their own, couple that with the fact that I intended to weigh ten pounds less than I currently do and you can begin to see how the self-loathing is making so much noise today…copious amounts of coffee is helping to dull the chatter…and of course writing to you guys always helps…

So, when one reflects on the first 50 years of their life they may ask themselves questions such as—what is the biggest misstep that I have made?

My answer to that is not understanding my worth, I have discovered over the last decade just how much havoc a low self-worth can wreak…let’s embellish on that a bit…

Had I really possessed any self-worth when I was much younger I would have made every decision differently…growing up in an amazing yet highly dysfunctional family that drank way too much was not a recipe for developing a high self-worth quotient and in retrospect it clouded every, single move I made until I was in my mid-40’s.  If you don’t value yourself you will accept things that you shouldn’t, take actions that don’t take care of YOU and make decisions to please and accommodate other people.  You will also devalue yourself in the workplace and teach others to do the same because of course how can we expect anyone to treat us better than we treat ourselves?

Over time and especially within the last year I have come to understand at a much deeper level what it means to realize my own worth both as a woman and as a professional also as a human being.  In the last year I have been surprised by people in good ways and in bad ways and I have learned so much.

Not being one for regrets and firmly believing that there are no mistakes, I am determined to face this birthday with GRACE and GRATITUDE…the next few blogs from me will showcase more lessons learned in the last 50…my intention is, as always, that my experiences may some how give you strength or shine a light on something that you need to see.  You are always welcome to comment or email me.  XOXO

~Noelle

Embrace It Because Time Really Does Fly

Embrace time because it really does fly by…which leads me to what I feel today.  I get those notifications every day from Facebook that are pictures of what I posted “_ years ago today”. I sometimes take the time to look at them, most times not. Today I did-it was pictures of our youngest child…she would’ve been 3. My very last baby. I stayed home with her for the first 5 years of her life-I feel like I have this huge bond with her knowing that she was going to be my last of everything….last 1st bath, last 1st haircut, last kindergarten graduation…ect….it makes me sad but yet also excited for her!

As time flew by with the older two, it’s happening just as fast if not faster with her. Maybe it just seems that way because it’s so bittersweet. I often find myself thinking about all the things and opportunities I have missed with my kids-sometimes I get so caught up in that, I fail to focus on what we have done and just how often we really are together.

Maybe as we age-mortality becomes more of a reality, it did to me anyway. Realizing time doesn’t stop or slow down for anyone!

There truly is never enough time, some days seem like they’re never going to end and only wish for them to! If I knew now what I knew when I was wishing time away, I wouldn’t make that mistake again. Every moment in time is there for a reason. Embrace, learn, experience!

 

Love to all-

Kim