Tag Archives: advice

Words Of Wisdom From Papa Federico

Words Of Wisdom From Papa Federico…

Let’s start this off with some sage advice from my Grandfather, a classic, old school Italian man…the hardest-working person I have ever met in my lifetime, he died 4 weeks before Antonio was born from two different kinds of cancer.  He was Antonio T. Federico and my son was named for him as Antonio M. Federico.

I was raised in part by my grandparents and so when he became ill, frequently I was the one to drive him back and forth to the hospital and doctors appointments.  After one such appointment we were called into the doctor’s office, it was myself, Papa and my Uncle Mike the doctor told us that Papa had colon and stomach cancer and started talking about treatments.  At the time Papa was 82, he looked at the doctor and said, “Doc no offense but there will be no chemo, no radiation, and no treatment.  It is what it is and I am going home.”

The doctor said he had 6 months to live with no treatment, he lived a year…

After we left the hospital he wanted me to take him to his favorite bakery in Readville, MA on the way home.  I was standing in the bakery, shell-shocked at the news I had just witnessed and he said, “Little girl (I was 31) don’t be sad, I have had ONE HELL of a ride and when it’s done, it’s done.”  Papa taught us all how to live and he also taught us how to die, he left on his own terms, from his own house, his way and when he was damn good and ready.  He only finished the 6th grade, he served this Country in the Navy and he was in the Local 4 Construction Union in Boston, MA for as long as I can recall.

He bought his house and then he worked 7 days a week straight until it was paid off, he went for a haircut every week and made his bed every, single damn day.  He was a man of few words, however he was BIG on actions.  He never really got to see what I have built, what I am still building, however he was my greatest teacher…he taught me how to KEEP GOING no matter what and I know he would be pleased that I am sharing some of his best advice with you …

*adapted from ‘advice my father gave us’…written by my mom, Toni Stone

“Thanks to Papa we know how to get up every day even when we would rather not.

We know that no one else is going to do our work for us.

We know what’s past is OVER and GONE.

We know that when we leave something it is for a reason and once we are done we don’t go back…because the reason we left is still there…

We don’t try to live in yesterday or get it back.

We keep GOING, NO MATTER WHAT.

We remember that disappointment is not the end of the world.

We know people will screw us over unwittingly, unconsciously or on purpose.  We won’t be stopped by it. We won’t take it personal and we WILL keep a good eye on them after that…

We will also stay tuned to all the players…some people aren’t wrapped too tight, some are living in another reality, some don’t know their ass from a hole in the ground and others are just cruising through to see what they can get every day.

We remember that 75% of people have to be dealt with very carefully and some of them are dangerous characters…we remember to WATCH WHAT PEOPLE DO, not listen to what they say…actions speak volumes…promises are lip service unless followed up on with actions and results.

We do not count chickens before they are hatched.

We always have cash, just in case…”

XXOO,

Noelle

Tinder Loving Care-Ten Things Tinder Taught Me

TINDER LOVING CARE

By

P. Charlotte Lindsay

Single mom, writer, and community service maven seeks kind, compassionate, intelligent, funny man, steady in his life – to exchange witty banter, clever repartee, and perhaps see where it leads. Tall is a plus. I’m 5’11”.”

P. Charlotte’s Blurb

 

THE TEN THINGS TINDER TAUGHT ME…

It was a dire situation. Desperate even.

After fourteen years of marriage, commitment, hard work, and all things housewifely, I found out my man had another woman… for fourteen years.

BAM! All at once, I was single again.

After another year or three of crying about it, my friends, my family, even my children told me, “Enough! Time to move on.”

Problem was, I was a 45-­year­-old single mother of two who worked full-time. Not the best catch in LA’s sea of nubile young models and taught, budding actresses. Even worse, I had been on maybe a total of ten dates my entire life. You could count the number of men I’d slept with on three fingers.

Did I mention I was 45 and a single mom?

Nevertheless, one night my friend Peggy plied me with margaritas, teased my hair, painted my face, and dressed me up in all sorts of ‘so­ not­ me outfits.’ She took sexy pics, intellectual pics, and the requisite “sporty” pic. She fiddled at the computer, with my Facebook account, tinkered with my I-phone, and voilá – I was on Tinder.

Tinder is an “app.”

app |ap| noun

1. Abbreviation for “application.”

2. A small program that can be downloaded onto your phone with the help of a Peggy.

…And maybe the greatest invention of the 21st century, wherein with just a cell phone and the swipe of a finger, a 45-year-old woman can get a date… better yet, a 45-year-old single mom can get laid. (If that’s what she’s looking for).

At the time, I did not want to get laid.

I wanted to feel like a person again. Not a mom, or a broken heart. Not dog­-walker, or housekeeper, or neighbor, friend, boss, daughter, sister, writer… or anyone requiring any sort of need. I wanted to feel like my own separate self.

I wanted a man to sit across from me, in some sort of public space (preferably a restaurant) at some form of table (preferably at Chateau Marmont, but hell – I’d take Starbucks), with a beverage (other than water), and maybe even some food. (Am I pushing it?)

Then, I wanted this man to have a conversation with me wherein he would listen to me when I spoke, speak to me in turn, laugh with me, and I would feel pretty again.

In short, this man would pay attention to me.

Following, we would fall madly in love. He’d reveal he was a secret billionaire and ex­soccer star, who in his spare time worked to save orphans in Africa. He’d give me a massive diamond ring, and I’d drop twenty pounds from sheer joy (a yet to be discovered scientific diet-phenomenon), then we’d travel the world on his private jet and live happily ever after.

And this is exactly what I got….

Kinda…
Sorta…
Not really…

Well, not even close.
Stay with me. I’ll come back to this…

IG:  pcharlottelindsay
FB: P Charlotte Lindsay

The Price Of Wisdom

Webster’s Dictionary defines the word wisdom as-

1. a :accumulated philosophical or scientific learning :knowledge
    b :ability to discern inner qualities and relationships : insight
    c :good sense: judgement
    d :generally accepted belief
2wise attitude, belief, or course of action
3.  the teachings of the ancient wise men
From what I have learned, wisdom, does not come easy. I don’t consider myself a know all in everything worldly. When I offer advice to friends, it’s just that-advice, and opinion. My experiences are not their experiences. I can only hope that what I am saying is helping in some way and at the very least I am someone to listen.
Wisdom for me has come with a lot of sacrifices. Sacrifices that I am good with having given.
Experiences that haven’t always been the greatest, but at the back end of those experiences have come some of the best people, memories and moments of my life. That would be the wisdom I would offer to you-everything you go through and have gone through there is a silver lining. A lesson, an experience. You have gained something through those experiences…wisdom, judgement, knowledge, insight. You have taken those moments, and experiences and shared them with others in hopes that you are helping at least one person. You teach your children in hopes that they will listen and make choices based on your wisdom and life experiences. You take what you have learned and apply it to the rest of your life.

Are You Building A Legacy?

Gurdjieff ([1877-1949], priest, physician, teacher, author of ‘Meetings With Remarkable Men’) tells us that to live in a truly creative and dynamic way; we would have to think in a completely new way.  He encourages that to be completely fulfilled, we must engage in our own conscious evolution. In his work he also speaks about conscious labor and intentional suffering and about the importance of undertaking the burden of responsibility for serving the future…in other words building a legacy…

Gurdjieff’s student J.G. Bennett  “…adopted as a major theme of his life and work the teaching known as “The Fourth Way”. This is very simply that in the face of a threat, whether environmental disaster, war and conquest, or economic collapse, those persons who are able to do so must accept the responsibility of guiding and supporting the less resourceful, but not through the conventional institutions of government or religion, but rather on the level of new ideas and attitudes, inspiration and spiritual regeneration. As many Sufi teachers have done, he hinted at a world of experience in which the laws are quite other than those governing the material world – in some cases, the reverse. Those who are able to decipher this riddle must inevitably dedicate themselves to serving humanity, and the future of our world.” (www.jgbennett.net)

Those of us that understand that there is far more to life than what we can physically “see”, understand also that we have a responsibility to encourage other people not to be limited by their own thinking.  I speak often of the fact that you should never, ever judge or evaluate a situation by the way that it looks in any given moment—you should only ever operate from your intention about what the outcome will be.  So many people are stopped in their tracks because they think that the obstacles they encounter are “real”…they fail to understand that what makes obstacles “real” is believing that they exist.  There are people that are never stopped, people that never quit…if one way gets blocked up they find another…these are the people that succeed and know how to live ‘outside the box’…these are the kind of people you want to know.

I mostly live in a conversation called ‘what’s next…what else needs doing’, the past few weeks I have been living in a question called, “What is your Legacy?”

It is interesting that when you begin to engage in this discussion your life and what you have done or not done shows up in a whole different light…complaints and grievances don’t hold much water in the Legacy conversation…25 years after you’re dead nobody is going to care that your back hurt or you had a cold or a headache or that you were too tired to do the laundry.   Some people have told me that their children are their legacy and that is certainly true for all of us that are parents, however, for me that isn’t enough.

I want to leave something that breathes on long after I checked out…something that is dedicated to making people’s lives better, something that educates people and teaches them how to succeed…something that helps those that need helping…something that can be carried forward …something that makes a difference…

My life will change from living in the question, “What is your Legacy?”…do me a favor and take a moment to answer that question for yourself…honestly.  How are you giving back, who are you helping, and what are you serving besides yourself?  How do you serve the future?

I have a theory that if people lived in these questions life would take on a whole new meaning…if people lived for a purpose bigger than themselves the small annoyances they suffer would become much less significant.

Certainly not the average conversation, but average conversations never create much growth or much action—they also don’t cause you to think much.  I leave you with my favorite quote by George Bernard Shaw:

This is the true joy in life, the being used for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one; the being thoroughly worn out before you are thrown on the scrap heap; the being a force of Nature instead of a feverish selfish little clod of ailments and grievances complaining that the world will not devote itself to making you happy.

 

George Bernard Shaw, Man and Superman, Epistle Dedicatory

  • written by Noelle (in case you couldn’t tell)

 

Some Life Advice …on Easter Sunday

Easter Sunday, a time for new beginnings and new seasons. Time to shed the things that aren’t working and start living the life that you want to live, doing that often means taking stock of how things have been and making adjustments as needed. Spring and Easter are excellent times to do this, so late last night I penned some life advice for myself and it seemed prudent to share it with you. Enjoy.
Life Advice after 46 years…

• Make sure that you feel ‘at home’ in your own home. This is your place of grounding and peace, if you can’t restore yourself there then everything else will be out of balance
• Keep things in order, houses, desks, closets, cars, papers, etc. Disorder brings disjointed states of mind…it is difficult to operate in excellence with disorder surrounding you
• Get rid of stuff that doesn’t serve you—relationships, items, whatever isn’t serving you is stealing your energy and holding you back (whether you want to admit it or not)
• Try new things…always
• Don’t worry so much about whether or not you are doing things ‘right’—life is a process…make adjustments as you go
• Be smart, read, learn…never stop learning
• Be funny and don’t be mean
• Don’t complain, criticize or make fun of…you get what you give
• Put away money for a rainy day
• Have FUN with your life, we only do this here once, make the most of it
• Cultivate your “REAL” friends, let the superficial bullshit go—it just wastes time
• Enjoy your own company
• LIVE—stop waiting for your ‘real’ life to begin, these moments right NOW—these ARE your life—so LIVE them OUT LOUD
• Feel your feelings and express them responsibly
• Respond, don’t react
• Remember your words have power, use them to help not hurt
• Tell the TRUTH—always—NO EXCEPTIONS
• See yourself as others see you and be mindful of how you treat people and remember karma never loses an address
• Be READY for whatever comes, always have a plan B, maybe C and D too
• Expect the BEST, you deserve that
• Remember that nothing is too good to be true, if you do the work you deserve the reward because you EARNED it
• Don’t enable people, let them learn like you have
• Keep your peace—no HIGH highs, no LOW lows—leaders are STABLE people, they keep their JOY in all things and they keep going
• Keep moving forward, don’t look back—you are not going that way
• Be aware of your blind spots, we all have them. Work on them and don’t let them trip you up—pay attention
• Don’t ignore the obvious just because you don’t like it, if it is being revealed to you then there is a reason—something there for you to see
• If you have children PARENT THEM, discipline them, teach them to produce results, teach them that actions have consequences. Kids don’t need you to be their friends—they need you to be their PARENTS—you are putting people out into the world, so make sure that they are ready.
• Be of service, help others.
• Leave things better than you found them
• If someone shows you a behavior, BELIEVE IT! Actions will tell you everything you need to know about someone. Words are just lip service.
• Don’t overthink. When in doubt, go with your gut. Period.
• If it doesn’t feel right to you, it ISN’T—-so don’t do it. Period.
• TRUST yourself.
• LOVE yourself
• Make peace with your past
• Forgive, not for them, for YOU
• Welcome your future
• Do your best
• And above all—TRUST GOD—ALWAYS—NO EXCEPTIONS!