My spin cycle….It’s Sunday night as I write this and I am not motivated enough to make the cup of tea that probably would really make me happy.
My background noise is courtesy of my dishwasher and my dryer.
We got our first snow today and as I was taking my dog out I almost slipped.
Let it begin.
I am already not a fan of this time of year. My precious hours of sunlight are reduced. It gets cold. Believe it or not I do not like pumpkin flavored anything.
I also know what that means. It will really limit what I can do. In a state that just opened a field hospital to say I’m worried for winter is an understatement.
I already have been living my life very much on a spin cycle. A spin cycle I’m thankful for. Please know that. I continually recognize how lucky I am.
But I like everyone, I miss a lot.
My life is lather, rinse, repeat.
I feel like I’m in a spin cycle.
How much Netflix and crafts can one person do?
I think I’m finding out.
There are good things. I mention them. I spend time with my daughter. Actual sit down, no electronics, hear each other’s words, time with each other. Which is so important right now.
I TALK to my friends. Did you know your phone does more than text and take pictures? It can make calls?
But I miss people. I am a shy person, but what I wouldn’t give for it to be March again and be back at the last concert I was at awkwardly making conversation with a person while waiting for my drink at the bar.
To not see certain things on the news.
To sit in a restaurant. Like sit.
Not rush through a store.
I am definitely a member of the COVID Hair I REALLY care group.
These are small things. They are things, I realize I am lucky to be in a place to miss. After seven months of missing them, they are starting to feel like big things.
I have never been a person to have regrets. Until now.
I also will never take anyone or anything for granted again.
The world’s longest spin cycle has given me that present I never wanted, but I think needed.
I continue to be grateful for my amazing daughter and Wookiee-like dog. My friends who send me songs. Being to actually see my co-workers and talk to them instead of ZOOM all the time.
But I also still have my moments and I have to learn to be ok with that. If I’m being honest that’s my hurdle. I don’t want to lean into that too much. I am afraid if I’ll get stuck …. and my hope is sooner than later this spin cycle will stop. Or at least slow down a little.
Much love Mommas