After I got divorced the first thing I did was look for a relationship. I thought that was what I should do. I did not realize that I should have taken the time to learn about myself and what I needed. I did not take the time to learn what I wanted.
There were so many things that I did not realize at the time. I was recently divorce and thought that I knew what I wanted. I went on an online dating site and met someone within months of being divorced. At the time, I thought I wanted a serious relationship. I mean, what else do you do after divorce but find someone else….
We dated for over a year and it was a roller coaster of emotions. At the time, I thought this is what I should be doing. I got divorced and now I should meet someone else. Our relationship started out great, but soon faded. We each had kids and with our schedules it was hard to find time together. In addition, as we got more involved in our relationship I wanted our kids to spend time together. I quickly learned how hard it was to date someone with kids when you both have different schedules. Dating with kids is hard. I was trying to make him into something he was not and I was also doing things that I did not want, just to make him happy.
Besides thinking that we should each spend time together, I also thought that our kids should spend time together. They were all different ages and did not all want to spend time together. I wanted us to do things together as a family. When I did not have my kids, I would spend time with him and his kids. I would help him with running them to their activities or whatever they needed. And I did not have any time to myself or learn about my own life after divorce. I thought this is what I should be doing.
Our relationship was very toxic at the end. We would fight, said unforgivable things, and make up so many times. I was scared to be alone and didn’t know what I would do without him. We ended up breaking up. Our facebook status couldn’t keep up with all the changes, it was a daily status update. I soon realized that our relationship was so wrong. I was trying to go from a marriage of 13 years to a serious relationship with someone else before knowing exactly what I wanted.
I did not know what I wanted in a partner or even my own life. I have now had the time to learn about myself and what I love. I have time finally do the things that I love. While we were dating, I would spend my time doing the things he loved. I did not take time to do what I wanted. I love to workout, hike, and be outside.
I would put those things aside and not do them because I felt they were not that important. I have now learned that those things are a priority to me and I put them first.
It took me a long time to be ok with not being with someone else, not spending every moment with a date or a boyfriend. It’s so important to know what you want and what you like before rushing into a relationship. I learned that it is important to not settle, just to be with someone. And I am pretty sure I have learned over the last year what I do not want..haha. I had to learn about what I truly valued in life and in a person that would be spending time with me and eventually my children. I had to learn what I wanted from someone in a relationship and how serious of a relationship that I was looking for right now.
During my relationship, I thought I was ready for this. I can now look back on it and I know that I should have taken the time to learn about myself, what I want in a relationship, and what’s important to me
Snarky divorced gal