This past weekend my Mom’s family had a get together. My uncle who has lived in England for decades was visiting. Emails were sent out and somehow my Mom’s siblings of which there are seven, (there were nine but my aunt and uncle passed away several years ago) and children and grandchildren all converged on my favorite uncle’s property for food and a visit.
It was pretty fantastic. My daughter who is an only child had my cousins kids who are close to her age and ironically have similar interests to hang around with, throw in one of my considerably younger cousins who took it upon herself to dote on them all and a lesson in driving a tractor… my kid was in heaven.
For me it was about being with my family. July which is thankfully over, was full of one thing after another. All out of my control and increasingly worse than the other. Normally I pray for July to last all summer, I prayed for August to get here instead.
Needless to say July wore me out.
That suitcase I told you all to push back under the bed a few weeks ago in another blog. I started to get it out. Thought about opening it.
Then the family get together happened. The suitcase was peeking out under the bed.
Then a moment happened. There were several actually, but this one has stuck.
My uncle the one visiting from across the pond who the last time I saw him I was married, came and sat down next down to me.
He started it off with “I was surprised to hear about your divorce”.
I instantly tensed up.
He continued… “but emotional abuse is hard. It gets in your head. Being slagged on day in and day out. You start to believe it,even when it’s not true. Words hurt. I don’t care what anyone says. They stick with you. No one deserves that.
You seem happy and life is treating you well and that is what you deserve”.
Even now as I write this I don’t think I can explain how much that meant. How much that conversation, that moment meant.
Because, sadly my reality over the years is most people just have not understood.
When your marriage fails it’s hard enough, but I never want to be the person who bad mouths my ex husband. Regardless of what happened during our marriage because he is still my daughter’s Dad.
But there were hurts.
There are still hurts.
I hope some day they will be less.
I hope some day I look in the mirror and I don’t second guess what I see. I don’t second guess what I say. I don’t doubt who I am. I continue to get back to being the badass I like to trick
everyone into believing I am.
I also want you to remember who you are Mommas. Grab those magic moments.
Look in the mirror and roar.
Love the sound of your voice.
Believe in who you are.
You are someone’s Momma and that means you are a magical badass.