Some Relationships Need Caution Tape

Sometimes we do not see the signs in relationships that might need caution tape…  We are blinded by the chocolates, the flowers, and the balloons on your birthday… sometimes we can not see around all of the hoopla to see if this relationship is right for you…

The caution signs that our friends and family can see but we can not…

The making plans and then breaking them last minute…let’s have a happy hour on Thursday and then breaks them because he’s too tired.

The excuses to not make committed plans but can make plans with others…not sure if i can see you on Friday and then sneaks off to a buddies cabin…

The manipulation of making you feel like you did something wrong when you didn’t… ohh I really wanted to see you last night but you had plans with your friends…

You are in a rocky patch with your boyfriend and so he says he made a surprise getaway with you next weekend.. knowing you would never be able to go since you have your kids all weekend… He gets upset because you can’t go and then you find out after the fact that he never made the plans.. he just wanted you to believe that he was trying…

The poor me statements… “you don’t understand me”… can we just get together and I can explain.  When you get together nothing is accomplished.. many compliments are given but no concrete plans are discussed to make changes.

The “ohh ok then have a good life text” and then 10 minutes later you get a 3 page text on everything you did wrong on in the relationship.

Sometimes we do not see signs of caution in our own relationships to know its not working .. its like a constant roller coaster.. the highs and lows.. The highs feel great, but then its not too long and the lows start again.

You want to believe that things will change.. you want to believe the roller coaster will end.

I feel like many times I was holding on to hope that the relationships would change.  The reality is.. if he really wants the relationship he will send the good morning text.. he will follow thru with happy hour.. he will make the effort to meet your friends..and he will plan a weekend when you can go…

I was in a relationship in the past, where I would actually count the good days or I would say to my friends, “things have been good for 4 days”.   I should have ended that relationship a lot sooner than I did.  Relationships are hard, they all have ups and downs, however I am pretty sure that counting good days is never a positive gauge of a relationship.

Sometimes its hard to just do nothing but it can be the best test….to have patience to see if he reaches out, if he follows through with his plans, and if he shows you that you are important.

It is hard to sit back and wait for any of those actions.   Giving the relationships some space, may make things clearer to you.  Many times in my life, I wanted to rush everything along, but its important to sit back and observe.

I have been the friend that had to point out the signs and all the lows of your relationship.  I have been the friend that reminded you of how disappointed you have been.  I have been the friend that reminded you of how you had to cook your own birthday dinner last year.

I have also been the friend that needed to be reminded that I needed to use caution tape.  I needed the reminders of how I felt after all the cancelled plans over and over again.  It is about taking the time to notice the behaviors and using caution… having the patience to see what is best for you.

 

-Snarky

 

www.snarkydivorcedgal.com

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