Second Chances

Everyday I am grateful for second chances. I have made huge mistakes in my life and there are times I begged for a second or even a third chance, but not always did I deserve them.

I recently got a second chance at love I never expected. In my previous engagement I broke trust and broke a heart that didn’t deserve it. I will never understand how he found it in himself to forgive me, but he did.

How do you mend a heart you broke?

This is something I’m struggling with every day. I never set out to break a heart, but I did and now I want to spend my life making it up to him.

It hasn’t been easy.

I struggle everyday with being good enough for his love. He’s too good for me and I know that, but every day I get to spend my time proving my worth to him.

Love after divorce is the hardest thing I have ever done. And I have done it twice now. With the same person. I keep making these mistakes and he comes along to pick up the pieces. It isn’t fair to him to continue to be the one that makes me whole again. But I can’t live without him. I have learned that now. It’s the reason we keep coming back to each other and I have been to bitter and full of rage towards love to realize it. I keep running from the only thing real in my life.

Because its scary. Its overwhelming.

To love someone with your whole heart gives them a chance to break it.

But I deserve love, in all its forms, and I’m learning to accept love in all the ways he shows it. Whether its taking my car for an oil change when he knows I’m busy, or taking me to dinner after a long day at work. Acts of kindness like this made me uncomfortable I was so used to negative interactions I had no idea how to respond to it, I shut down and tried to find the negative. But the truth is I cant. I’m in a healthy relationship for the first time in my life and it feels good, its new and scary but it feels right.

Serendipity

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