It’s Scorpio Season

It’s Scorpio season, at least that is what I am seeing on social media. I know this season as Fall and this month as November. Which means Thanksgiving, a holiday I adore. Food and family. What it will look like from a family perspective this year is hard to say.

It is also my birthday month. This month I turn forty nine. I don’t really have any strong feelings about it. My forties haven’t been the worst. But let’s be honest since March I wouldn’t say things have been great.

My normal birthday celebration is a yummy dinner, an adult beverage or several with friends and some sort of splurge.

Tattoos. Piercings. Fun hair. A long weekend away.

Yup, nope. That’s Midwest for none of that is happening this year.

I actually QUIT drinking at the end of March. Altogether. Not that I drank a lot but I just thought rather than practice yoga I would maybe get rid of some vices. 

Not really but I did.

My daughter turned thirteen in June. My Dad had his birthday last month. I think we’ve collectively decided we all get do overs and they will be over the top.

It’s not the stuff I am missing. Or the celebration, but my upcoming birthday continues to put focus on what is going on and how I hope beyond hope I am making it manageable for my daughter.

I guess if I am being honest- that’s what I want for my birthday. 

I want all of what’s going on to not hurt her so much. To stop having so much taken away from her. I realize this is not realistic. I realize there is probably more to come. I realize I am maybe being dramatic but I want to bubble wrap her until the dust settles.

Is it going to settle?

I guess that would be the other thing I would want for my birthday. To at least give the appearance to my sweet, beautiful daughter that I have it together when inside I am kinda freaking out.

I have said this before. I do not do well with unknowns and not having timelines.

And here we are.

I bought a 2021 planner and I chuckled  when I did because I have a lot of doubts.

I hope I am wrong.

I guess that would be my last present.

To be wrong. To get some of my  rainbows and unicorns attitude back. I was a much more positive person back in March. I fought for that optimism. Hard.

Lately I don’t want to.

So I guess I do have my birthday figured out. At least my wishes. Now to figure out the cake.

Be safe and much love Mommas

<3 Caprise

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