It’s Scorpio season, at least that is what I am seeing on social media. I know this season as Fall and this month as November. Which means Thanksgiving, a holiday I adore. Food and family. What it will look like from a family perspective this year is hard to say.
It is also my birthday month. This month I turn forty nine. I don’t really have any strong feelings about it. My forties haven’t been the worst. But let’s be honest since March I wouldn’t say things have been great.
My normal birthday celebration is a yummy dinner, an adult beverage or several with friends and some sort of splurge.
Tattoos. Piercings. Fun hair. A long weekend away.
Yup, nope. That’s Midwest for none of that is happening this year.
I actually QUIT drinking at the end of March. Altogether. Not that I drank a lot but I just thought rather than practice yoga I would maybe get rid of some vices.
Not really but I did.
My daughter turned thirteen in June. My Dad had his birthday last month. I think we’ve collectively decided we all get do overs and they will be over the top.
It’s not the stuff I am missing. Or the celebration, but my upcoming birthday continues to put focus on what is going on and how I hope beyond hope I am making it manageable for my daughter.
I guess if I am being honest- that’s what I want for my birthday.
I want all of what’s going on to not hurt her so much. To stop having so much taken away from her. I realize this is not realistic. I realize there is probably more to come. I realize I am maybe being dramatic but I want to bubble wrap her until the dust settles.
Is it going to settle?
I guess that would be the other thing I would want for my birthday. To at least give the appearance to my sweet, beautiful daughter that I have it together when inside I am kinda freaking out.
I have said this before. I do not do well with unknowns and not having timelines.
And here we are.
I bought a 2021 planner and I chuckled when I did because I have a lot of doubts.
I hope I am wrong.
I guess that would be my last present.
To be wrong. To get some of my rainbows and unicorns attitude back. I was a much more positive person back in March. I fought for that optimism. Hard.
Lately I don’t want to.
So I guess I do have my birthday figured out. At least my wishes. Now to figure out the cake.
Be safe and much love Mommas