The Proverbial Gut Punch

The proverbial gut punch….

There are certain topics I tread lightly on. Everywhere. Some out of fear, some out of self preservation, some because they are mine alone and if I share them I give them away.

Sometimes though you have to share them. You have to put your misgivings aside, because maybe someone needs to hear what you have going on. Maybe it will help them.

I have been at my current job for almost thirteen years. It was a complete shift. I used to work in Human Resources. I now work with children. I started out as a teacher and have worked my way up and and have been worked out of several leadership roles. In that time we have had four CEO’s. I have switched physical locations at least three times. I am not sure how many times I’ve switched offices. As for bosses… I’ve had quite a few.

More than five less than ten.

With each new boss expectations change. Sometimes my pay and schedule changes. Staff changes. Like I do, I roll with it. As best as I can.

I like my job. I would go so far as to say most days I love it. Except when I don’t.

I am still growing as a leader and I have a lot of work to do and I would like to tell you there haven’t been some things that have made me hold back, but that wouldn’t be true.

I own that. The problem is, I’m now in a place where it’s haunting me. Those fears. 

And I got the proverbial gut punch. You can take that as you will but spoiler alert I’m still employed. 

Which has gotten me to a place where I am looking at myself. At what point did I lose my mojo? At what point did I forget what I am capable of? At what point did I let things weigh me down?

In another life I was the woman that was called upon to resolve conflicts now I avoid them.

I think somewhere along the way I forgot that woman. I started believing the negative talk of others and turned on myself. 

It’s funny I thought I had it together only to find out I still have a long way to go.

I feel like I’m at an impasse right now.  And you know what? While I am definitely having all the range of emotions, maybe this is what I needed. 

That proverbial gut punch wake up call. To get myself together and figure out where my heart is and get my mojo back. 

Much love as always Mamas

<3 Caprise

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