The power of candy corn…
It’s actually Saturday while I write this. No music too early, but a big cup of coffee. My even bigger shaggy dog is hanging out with me and my teen is in our easy chair. The last few days we have not been far from each other.
This morning she did something she hadn’t for a while. We had a cuddle with before we got up.When she was little. I didn’t need an alarm clock because she would climb into bed with me and snuggle in. I usually could convince her to sleep a little longer. At some point a little voice would say “Mama time to get up I’m hungry.” And our weekends would start.
With everything going on in the world like a lot of people- our world, her world has been turned upside down.She has handled better than most adults, but it has once again changed her relationship with her Dad.
I could tell you all the things. But the important thing is her and helping her feel safe, loved and secure.No matter how uncomfortable it makes me.And dealing with her Dad makes me incredibly uncomfortable.
I will break out in hives.
I will get inside my head.
Get sick to my stomach.
The laundry list of all the reasons is long. But at the top a few years ago is him taking her out of state without me knowing and manipulating the situation so my daughter lied to me. Took the blame. That night I had gone out with friends, I had a few cocktails. Then after a series of frantic phone calls found out she was three states away. I stopped going out with my friends on the weekends she stayed with him after that.
So when it comes to talking to my daughter about her Dad. It’s tricky. I never want to be that parent, but I also know she struggles with why we aren’t together.
With that she and I have started a new ritual. Every Friday night she and I lay on someone’s bed with a bag of our favorite candy between us and talk. About whatever she wants.This week the candy was candy corn and the topic was why her Dad wasn’t visiting. When I talked to him about it I got three different answers. When I talked to her about it I asked her what she wanted. What she needed.She told me a phone call would be good.
It is still tough diffusing him. Protecting her, but it’s my job as her Mom.
I told you last week I made her a promise.
As I wrap this up it’s afternoon and her Dad is with her at the park. A long overdue visit thanks to a talk over a bag of candy corn.
Much love Mommas