Play Nice

I am currently sitting in my office processing the events of the morning. Trying to think of a careful way to share it with you all but not expose all the players. How do I play nice?

I have been divorced from my daughter’s father since 2012. Separated for several years prior to that. For the most part I have kept the why to myself. I have taken the high road. I haven’t shared much with anyone. When I’ve tried to those closest to me-at the time they  told me to just get over it.

I would love to. If only life worked that way.

But it doesn’t.

My reality was when I left, I left with G and not much else. I was told that since I made the choice that was how it was going to be. If I fought there could be consequences.

Throughout the years coparenting has been a rollercoaster. I am always wrong, I am a helicopter parent, everything is only about money.

Yet when my daughter asks why I am not with her Dad I say quietly- we were just very different,  your Dad is a good guy.

And he can be except when he isn’t.

So here I am trying to decide how to handle the latest untruth he told her about me.

I want her to have a good relationship with her Dad. It just sucks that it seems to be at everyone’s expense but his.

People tell you children hit an age where they figure it out. They realize the love and sacrifice you put forth. I’m hanging in there but MAN (!) there are days! I want to let fly and tell her how I still get anxious every day at 430. How I practically beg/chant “please stop”if I feel an argument brewing. I am still not strong enough to engage in any conversation that feels like an argument. I’ve been known to just leave. How it’s hard for me to trust. How I’m hypercritical of how I look. How I still worry all the time.

How sorry I am that we’re here. But I need her to know, more than anything what Happy looks like. What Love looks like. I need her to know she deserves the sun, the moon, and the stars. She deserves someone who loves her even when she is almost impossible to love.

As do we all.

Big loves Mommas

<3 Caprise

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6 thoughts on “Play Nice

  1. Tracy McMenimen

    so do you my friend. the sun the moon and the stars. Hang in there. Do what you have to do today. My son always always always praises all I did to raise him. be strong 🙂

    Reply
  2. Jenn

    I feel like this sometimes. I have been telling my daughter for a while now that dad is a good guy who makes bad choices and we just have to pray for him and love him until he starts making better ones. Only I don’t feel like dad is a good guy and he makes some pretty dumb choices and never ones that are anyone’s interest but his own. There have been days where I cried and cried because I put her in this place when I brought her into the world with him. But I have learned that it is not my burden to shoulder. I am raising her to know her worth and teaching her to love herself with every moment that I know my worth and love myself. And you are too Momma. You are amazing. Thank you so much for writing this. Sometimes it can feel like we are the only one on this path.

    Reply
    1. Caprise

      Jenn,
      Thank you so much for your kind words.
      I really appreciate them.
      Hugs to you and yours.
      Caprise

      Reply
  3. Kris

    That is a battle most people face, when one half doesn’t play nice. You can tell her in ways that will help. Together the relationship was clouded and you lost your shine. But each day you take one more step to be happy, strong and believe in yourself. Always let your children know, to never let anyone take your shine.

    Reply

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