Pay attention….I was talking to one of my bff’s yesterday, she called me to process her most recent breakup with a man that she had been dating for a few months. In the course of our discussion we realized that there were some ‘red flags’ early on that she dismissed as well as some on-going red flags that she didn’t give enough attention to. IF she had paid close attention from the start she may have saved them both time and energy as she would have admitted to herself that they were not well matched.
The conversation with her warranted me doing a blog post about PAYING ATTENTION…you will ALWAYS be warned when you are around someone that isn’t good for you—whether it is a relationship or a friendship or a work association…if you are paying attention and looking at the facts in front of your face you will see the things you need to see. Sadly, most of us look through rose-colored glasses and dismiss important information in the name of wanting to create relationship.
It is important to keep in mind that nothing is more draining than a relationship that is toxic to you,relationships that contribute to you are life-giving,the toxic ones are energy stealers.
When evaluating someone to determine whether or not they are someone that you want in your world pay attention to a few important things:
- Watch what they DO—actions people watch actions
- See how they behave in public, how they treat clerks and waitstaff and other people standing in line etc
- Listen to what they talk about—do they constantly complain, are they whiners, do they speak from a victim mentality
- Look at their lives and what has happened to them, more importantly what KEEPS happening to them??? Do they have a long string of unwelcome events, are they always broke? Always blaming someone else? Always having ‘bad luck’?
- Trust but VERIFY—- verify what you are told, check facts, check story details, make sure everything adds up
- Watch their habits—look for consistency…do they always oversleep, are they lazy, do they return calls and texts in a timely fashion, are they thoughtful, do they help, do they look to contribute or are they ‘takers’
- Look at how they present themselves to the world…are they clean, neat or messy and disheveled — is their car clean or is it a dumpster with wheels?
All of these things will tell you a lot about someone’s character and they don’t even have to say a word. People will mostly tell you what they think you want to hear, you have to look for what is being communicated without words.
Pay attention to the ‘red flags’ you see and tailor your behavior accordingly —it will save you a lot of time and energy.
See you next week.