You do not always need to hold it together….
Some of us know the hit song “Homecoming queen” by Kelsea Ballerini.
”Hey homecoming queen –
what if I told you the world wouldn’t end.
If you started showing what’s under your skin?
What if you let em all in on the lie?
Even the homecoming queen cries
Yeah, What if I told you the sky wouldn’t fall?
If you lost your composure, said hell with it all”.
This song just gets to me every time. Why do we always have to hold it together?
Growing up I learned to keep my emotions together. I did not show much sadness or tears. Through my marriage it continued. It was all about holding it together even when I felt like a mess inside. It’s this feeling that you always have to be perfect..or act a certain way. I hid my feelings for years, thinking is this how I’m going to live the rest of my life. I still have a hard time showing my true emotion to my parents.. it’s a hard thing to overcome.
It’s like the song, what if you started showing what’s under your skin? What if you showed people who you really are.. so many times, I changed myself to fit others. Or I hide how I felt inside.
Through my divorce, I would cry in the shower. We all have that place where we can let it out. I would put on my favorite music and cry. It was the place I could escape the outside. And it was the place that my kids would not see me. It’s hard to always put on that happy face. At times, I would feel so alone. And even though my divorce was my decision, I still felt sad and alone. This is something a lot of people do not understand. I would hide it from most of my friends. The entire divorce process can take so much out of you. I felt deflated at times, like it was never going to end. Why at age 40 something, do we still feel we need to hide our emotions???
I grew up not being able to communicate emotions and I was married to someone that could not communicate emotions, so this was a challenge. It’s a lifelong process moving forward. Learning to tell someone that you didn’t have a “good” day instead of just lying through it. I want my kids to see that I’m not always happy.. and that sometimes I have bad days also. I want to just be honest with them and tell them when I had a bad day at work or when someone treated me poorly.
The world is not going to end because you can’t hold it together. It’s ok to break down.. it’s ok that you can’t get your kids to school on time or that they wear their shirt backwards.. it’s ok that you are not perfect. It’s ok that you skip events for school. It’s ok that your kids don’t shower everyday. Or if you forgot about soccer practice. No one can hold it together all the time.
I want to teach my kids that they don’t need to hold it together. I want them to be able to show emotion. I want them to know that they can get angry and sad and frustrated and let it out. They don’t need to hold it together for me or anyone else. I want them to be able to just tell me when I’m frustrating them. I want them to be able to communicate how they feel. I notice how my daughter holds it together so many times when she should just be able to let it out. We all have have melt downs and tantrums in life.
I want my kids to just show emotions and who they are… when they are upset with me I ask them why. There was a time in my life when I would just blow up and say no to them, but I learned that didn’t help anyone. I now make them communicate to me why they think I’m wrong.. instead of just stomping to their room mad. I ask them why they are upset with one of their friends and explain it to me.. don’t worry I get plenty of eye rolls and huffing like a teenager, but sometimes I learn that I am overreacting and they are right. We compromise a lot, but I get them to talk more then I would have in the past. And mostly I want them to learn how to tell other people how they are feeling. I want them to not be perfect and hide their emotions.
Little by little I have learned that I was doing the best I could. And little by little I learned to let more and more of myself out. I started to show my kids who I really was… that I’m funny and sarcastic, but there are also days that I’m overwhelmed. That I forget things and that sometimes I’m just too tired. Or I just don’t want to do it. And the more that I do that with everyone the more happier and content I make my life.