A Married Stay At Home Mom To A Working Single Mom

I never would’ve thought I’d be a single working mom if you’d asked me ten years ago. When I got married at the age 28, I thought I’d almost ridden out my “troubling 20’s” and was proud of myself for waiting until I was almost 30 to get married. I thought I had life pretty much figured out; I’d get married to this wonderful man, (13 years my senior), and he would make me happy……….boy was I wrong! 

We got married on Friday, October 13th, in the year 2000 on a cliff in Maui, Hawaii. Right as my dad started to walk me down the aisle, a gray storm cloud was overhead, and it started to drizzle rain. The preacher assured me that the rain meant we’d be fertile. Ironically, we went through IVF to conceive our twin girls in 2002! We made the decision that I would be a stay at home mom. It was a dream come true, or so I thought. 

In April 2003, my mother died after battling cancer since my wedding in 2000. I sank into a deep, dark hole of depression. We welcomed our third daughter on February 23, 2005. I had three beautiful daughters that I was so fortunate to get to stay home with, right? Wrong! With nowhere to be if I didn’t want to, I felt I had no purpose in life other than to care for my children. My marriage began to suffer around 8 years in. In hindsight though, it was never going to survive. Our marriage ended in 2012. 

I had gone back to work teaching preschool 16 hours a week, but I had no benefits and was making very little pay. My ex husband and I couldn’t afford to each buy a home so we lived together post divorce for about 4 months. I know it sounds crazy, but we had to do what we had to do. It was not a healthy thing to do, that is for sure. 

So here I was, a well educated woman with a college degree, but couldn’t find a job to save my life. Being out of the workforce for so many years left me unmarketable. I managed to get a job as a paraprofessional in the school system where I had benefits, but still very low income. I bought my own home as well. With my job plus child support, we were barely getting by, but we were making it!!!! I have since gotten a better paying job, but then got served papers for a modification of child support. Ugh.

Although I have a decent job, it’s not what I had in mind as far as fulfillment goes. I go through the motions, but still have a goal of doing more meaningful work.  I have a passion for helping single women, hence me writing this blog to The Working Single Mom. 

Single moms, you ROCK! 

Karen

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3 thoughts on “A Married Stay At Home Mom To A Working Single Mom

  1. Chelsey

    It’s so hard!! After 13 years of marriage, I never thought I’d be a single mom either. Leaving my marriage was best for my mental health, though. He’s already engaged to someone 15 years his junior, they have tons of money, both look amazing, and I’m just struggling to survive mentally, emotionally, physically, and financially most days. I wouldn’t trade it, but I’d be lying if I said it was amazing!!

    Reply
  2. Jackie

    This is me. We, except I’m 45 with no college degree. I have no health insurance. It’s hard. It’s scary. I’m tired.

    Reply
  3. Michelle

    After 25 years of being a work at home Mom (because it was work, because I volunteered, was involved in all the organizations that benefited his climb up the ladder, etc…not to mention the house, 3 kiddos, husband, dog, and that old standby laundry…) I found myself on the side of a divorce I never saw coming nor wanted. So, I have been a single Mom for 6 years and my youngest is a senior in HS….and I am wondering how on earth I will pay for his college next year. I have a great job now making more than I ever dreamed I could (I do not have a bachelors but all that volunteering led me to the path to a great job!) but it is hard….and I get tired of it all being so hard. Now, my ex is taking me back to court for a modification because he has not been able to manage to keep a job since he left our family….from International VP to salesman….big change.

    2020 is going to be MY year, though…..it is….I am determined and no matter how this modification turns out I will survive. I will thrive!

    Reply

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