Let Your Guard Down

Let your guard down….

It’s Sunday afternoon and while the sun is out the Midwest is not quite ready to give us Spring. It even snowed in parts of our state today.It’s ok. The sunshine is still good. It was our Spring Break and unfortunately it mostly rained.My daughter and I decided movies and board games would be how we celebrated a few days home.

We also got a whole lot more than five minutes together. Which for me was great. She shared a lot and I continue to hold my breath waiting for when she may not. For now I’m enjoying these moments. It got pretty deep. I value that she trusts me. I appreciate it.

Some of what she shared was about her Dad.

Our relationship, his and mine, is hard. Still. Rolling on a decade later.  I carry around a lot of anxiety when it comes to him. Which thankfully I thought… see the word thought I do a pretty good job keeping from our daughter.But everyone has their breaking point.

I didn’t realize how hard I had been holding it in until a conversation with my best friend.I am a private person when it comes to my personal life. Welp, ok y’all read my blogs.. but there are a handful of people who know all my nitty gritty.

I don’t want to be a burden.

Share too much.

Make waves.

So I hold it in.

Today I let it out. I cried. I shared some of my biggest fears and it was so incredibly scary. Honestly, it was terrifying.

Funny thing is every week I write these blogs but I can’t tell people I care about. I’m scared.My friend said he was surprised because it is so the opposite of who he knows me to be.And maybe that is why I was afraid. To share. To let my guard down. I take care of everyone. I have a job that puts me in a position where I have to be comfortable talking to EVERYONE.

Yet this anxiety, this stress I carry on my own.Luckily I have a person who does know me. And noticed. So I opened up. I shared. I let my guard down.

Here I am a few hours writing about it feeling for the first time in a long time like a lighter person.Wondering why I held onto this for so long. Maybe I hadn’t found the right person to let me guard down with. Maybe those deep talks with my daughter and surviving them gave me the courage.I really have no idea, but my hope for you is to have someone in your life who you can let guard down with.

Be safe and much love Mommas.

<3 Caprise

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