Last Christmas: A Tale Of Hilarity and Woe:
“I found this gem in my files and I thought I’d share…I realize its “Out of season”, but hopefully you find entertaining anyway!”….
“You’ll shoot your eye out”took on a whole new meaning for us last Christmas….’Cuz we did…shoot an eye out!
Well, sort of. It all started innocent enough. A few days before Christmas I wrapped and counted presents for each kid and had a sinking feeling it just wasn’t enough. The kids are grown, so there weren’t ANY toys…which REALLY bummed me out. So I headed out to poke around a store…any store…to see what I could find to fill the gluttonous Christmas void. And then it came to me, right there in the middle of the K-Mart toy aisle.
As I stood peering at the answer to my greed filled prayers, I fought the urge to offer the guy next to me with a Typhoid-like cough a cough drop and said an extra prayer he wouldn’t touch the glorious fruits of my desperate search for fulfillment….the last three of the exact same NERF gun, which happened to be how many I needed to make Christmas PERFECT.
My vision of a grand and playful NERF war in the front yard between the 3 children as I
watched lovingly from inside with a warm cup of cocoa was coming to life! Typhoid guy left, and they were mine!
Fast forward to Christmas day..the three children opened them up at the same time, delighted, and charged with a competitive energy that could only come with a plastic weapon filled with spongy bullets….but it was dinner time, and 2 out of 3 children had to leave for a few hours.
However, promises of a turf war were scheduled upon their return and soon enough they were back, they found the youngest boy completely distracted by his video games, and took the
opportunity for a sneak attack.
And that’s when it happened….with the door flung open to deliver the extra element of
surprise, the youngest boy looked up just in time to receive a foam bullet shot from the hip of the oldest boy, straight to his right eye!
I mean, the dude couldn’t have done it again if he tried, it was a helluva shot, really, but that little boy’s blue eye was red in an instant as he howled in pain. Mild panic ensued as we all gathered around the sobbing child trying to assess the severity of his brand new Christmas injury.
Deciding a trip to a clinic would be best, we hopped in the car with him and began our trek. But apparently, NO ONE gets hurt on Christmas, because every walk- in clinic within a 20 mile radius was closed. As we made circles trying to decide which direction to try next, the boy
announced that it wasn’t hurting as bad, and when we pulled over to reassess, it actually looked better, so we forewent the ER at the local ‘Park-N-Die’ and went home instead.
As of 10pm last night, his blue eye was a perfect blue again, and the pain had subsided. He wasn’t gonna go blind after all. Today, the NERF guns lay strewn about,barely used.
My vision of a playful afternoon on the front lawn has died, but boy do we have a story to tell for years to come! If I ever see Typhoid guy again, I will give him 3 barely used NERF gun….for free…..