Keeping Me Time In Relationships

Me time…..I had never really had my own hobbies or activities when I was married.  I know I have wrote about that in the past, how I would just go along with whatever my husband did or enjoyed doing for the most part…Towards the end of our marriage, I started to go to concerts with my 3 of my lifelong friends.  And as time went on, I started to get into more activities that I loved, some were with friends and others were by myself.  

Years after my divorced when I was in a relationship, I felt myself slipping into that old pattern.  I would give up the things that I loved to do.  I would go along with the activities that he loved to do.  I would give up working out in the morning, which is something that I really needed to do and loved to do every day.  I really wanted to workout and get up an go for a hike, but I felt guilty doing it.  On the weekends, we would tend to all of his hobbies or the sporting events.   After months into the relationship, I did not spend much time doing any of  the things I loved.   I think part of me was just insecure of losing the relationship.  I was under this mindset that It was one or the other, either interests or a relationship.

Now, years later I have found my favorite activities and interests again.  I have wrote many times about the importance of having that time to do what you love…Or finding time to try new interests that you might love.  There is something about having that one thing that you just love to do.  I joined a golf league 3 years ago and I know that it is something that I would not give up. I love it!   

I have had numerous conversations with my friends about keeping your “me” time even in relationships.  I have had numerous conversations with them about how you can still have a great relationship and can spend time apart.  You can still take the time for golf league or girls nights or book club.  Or you can still take a night to just hang out by yourself. 

It’s hard to keep a good balance in a relationship, especially in the beginning.  We meet that special someone and you just want to spend every moment with them. Its exciting and new….And then what happens….you learn they are a hunter and is gone every weekend for 3 months? Or they play on the fastpitch softball league?  Or he plays on a bowling league every Wednesday night?   And then what if you break up?  

What happened to all the things you loved to do… did you throw them all away for the last few months or years during the relationship…  Hopefully not… or even worse did you ditch all your friends and now are hoping one of them still remembers your name… hopefully not.   

The reality is that I have things I like to do and sometimes I like to do them alone.  Being in my 40’s, I do not want to give up my interests and the things I love, but I also want to have a good relationship.  It’s a balance to have that healthy relationship and still have your time.  What is too much time apart and what is too little… it’s a balancing act.  If I want to continue golf league every Tuesday night, then I need to be supportive of his bowling league on Wednesday nights.  

There are many different scenarios to having your “me” time and communicating it in a relationship.  Having that time for you and your activities is healthy…it makes you happy, gives you confidence, and gives you ownership in something you love!   Don’t give it up!




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