And just like that she was gone.
I have wrote before about another woman spending time with my kids. Now I am not sure what is worse… a new woman spending time with my kids or when that new woman just unexpectedly walks out of their lives. This woman came into my ex husbands life about five years ago. And immediately she was thrown into mine and my children’s lives. She wanted to be involved in every aspect of their lives. And now 5 years later, their step mom walked back out.
I always knew she would eventually just walk out. I believe it was just a gut feeling… I can admit now that I was never a fan of hers… never. Yes, for years I bite my tongue in front of my kids. I put up with her lack of boundaries for myself or my children. I lived with the constant disrespect that she showed to me and my kids for years. And I did this because I knew my kids loved her…
Instead of of participating in any engagement with her, I set up numerous boundaries over the years. I had to set up these boundaries to survive. I know many of my friends that have great relationships with their ex spouse and their new partner, but this was not the case with us. We could not co parent due to this woman being involved. And its not the story of the jealous ex wife, this woman had no limitations.
For years, I learned to let her be involved in school activities, conferences, religion class, field trips, sporting events, etc. And when I mean involved, I mean from the point of walking into my kindergartener’s classroom and introducing herself as their mom. From volunteering for field trips before I was even included. For volunteering for my daughters summer mission trip, which It did not know about until I attended the meeting. I would just back away and let her do it. Arguing with my ex, was just useless… and I could not live my life with constant fighting or arguments. I knew the older my kids got, the more they would realize that she pushed herself on them all the time.
Yes, I still believe she did help my children in many ways. And I believe that she loved them…. However one day she just walked out. And I mean she just packed up her stuff and left for good. My girls are teenagers now, so they had become less close to her over the last couple of years. Like all teenagers, they wanted their space and independence. She had a hard time with that and did not let them make their own decisions. In return, it caused a lot of arguments and tense situations at their dad’s house. And as they got older, they noticed the disrespect that she showed me….
However, my son is still young and impressionable. He was very close to her the last couple years. Since he was the youngest, they would spend a lot of time together. He respected her and lover her… And he still has a hard time talking about her…. I remind him that she loved him and that she did a lot for him. I still want him to talk about the fun times with her and remember her for that.
I try to be as positive as I can in the situation with my son, without telling him my true feelings and anger towards what she did to them.
As for me, I have a lot of anger built up because I put up with this woman for 5 years. I put up with her pushing herself into their lives. I tolerated her obsession to be included in everything that included the kids. And then she just decided to leave their lives.
And as a mom, I just wanted to protect my children from everything. I always said my greatest fear would be that she would just walk out of their lives, and she did. I knew I would have to be the one to help pick up their broken hearts. And I let her be involved in their lives, because as much as she paid no respect to myself or boundaries, she was still their step mom.
But the next time, I will not be as tolerating…