In the midst of all this chaos I get a phone call that brought the guitar player back into my life.
All the way from California… our story wasn’t over.
Sometimes even though you know you shouldn’t you let people back in. You do. The guitar player was hard not to the close door on.
Have you ever had such crazy chemistry with someone that even the sound of their voice effects you?
I used to love getting his voicemail because I could hear his voice. His voice. His smile. His hugs. So much…too much. Not enough…
I had just moved my little daughter and I into a condo we couldn’t afford when I got an email:” it’s me I miss you. Tell me something only we would know so we know it’s each other.”
I did and then we were texting.
All the time, for hours.
I was torn. I was technically still married but husband refused to divorce me,this man lived halfway across the country … what was happening.
Along the way my husband drafted a contract – still no legal divorce. In it we were allowed to date even though we weren’t divorced. I would find out later it was because he had been dating a woman he met on his volleyball league well before I had moved out. Prior to that another woman was pursued but didn’t count because she wasn’t interested.
Yet he wouldn’t divorce me.
So when after almost 15 years and several states between us- the guitar player said he wanted to see me. I said yes.
I shook the whole time.
Men have an unfair advantage, sometimes with aging some get more handsome. Yup
We were together on and off for six years.
At first it felt like there was a real chance, but then all the things that stopped us the first time started bubbling to the surface. Except this time I had a child.
Who he never tried to meet.
I started volunteering at a radio station which took time away from him.
The TV show I hosted I did to meet men, or so he thought.
I was called names.
I never met his family.
I paid for everything.
Through the volunteering and job promotions I started getting myself back. I wanted to build a life with him, but every time it came up there was a reason to wait.
The tipping point… being in his bedroom while his nephew delivered a couch and him letting them joke about the women he could have on the couch.
I WAS IN THE BEDROOM (!)
The final straw was a weekend I was supposed to see him my daughter was sick so I couldn’t, he got mad and said I used her as an excuse and put her first.
I was furious.
I added up all the miles and money and hours and broke up with him.
It was a slow break.
I still hold guilt.
I glossed through a lot, but he moved cross country to be with me. He powered through a disease that makes it impossible for him to be in social situations and I was just going to leave him?
Because you can’t stay with someone out of guilt
You can’t stay to try and fix past sins
Someone shouldn’t use those things to make you.
Also, it wasn’t just about me anymore.
I was now the Mom of a daughter and I needed to show her what it looked like to have someone in your life who would go to Target with you even if they’d rather be at Home Depot.
Single Mom of the amazing Dbl G
Henry Rollins Middle Aged Punk Prom Date