Insecurities…. How do you ever get over them?? I am a very independent woman, almost too independent at times. I come across very strong and confident to most people…but I have these insecurities that people don’t see.
Lately, I have this giant insecure elephant just staring me in the face….I facing it daily…I am just going to lay it out here and tell you that I just do not know why I feel so insecure with dating. I have my speculations…but nothing is concrete.
Maybe its because I actually really like this person… maybe its because I have been so patient with dating over the last 5 years…maybe its because no one else has even made me interested in them… I feel like a kid because I am constantly second guessing my decisions and over thinking everything. It’s like I turned into a crazy lady. And…Maybe this is why I have avoided dating. I should have spent a lot more time dating in my twenties and learned to handle all of these feelings.
I find myself doubting everything, which is not how I am in other areas of my life. Then I have to give myself a reality check amd reel myself back in. Mostly reminding myself that I am a confident person.
Through the years, my insecurities with my body, my career, and my life status have diminished. I have increased my self confidence tremendously, so those insecurities I do not worry about much.. I just brush things off and move on. I do not even second guess my decisions.
Even through my divorce, I was confident. I did not face many insecurities, because I was very secure in my decisions and the challenges I faced. My decisions were always very clear to me.
But through the last few months, I have realized that It’s my insecurity of getting hurt… I keep myself so sheltered from getting hurt because I do not want to feel that nagging pain. I don’t want to experience the disappointment or let down in life, so I keep myself so guarded. I would rather not even experience things just to save myself from getting hurt.
At times, I feel like just ending my dating relationship so that I do not have to risk the hurt, if it doesn’t work out. And honestly, I really enjoy this person. It has been a slow progression and I do not feel overwhelmed with my kids schedule and being able to see him. I think a lot of this insecurity has to do with the fact that I am so confident in other areas and that I do not know how to cope with these new feelings. Its all kind of new for me..
So here I am constantly asking myself…How do I get past the things in life that trigger my insecurities? Do I avoid getting into a relationship that will trigger these feelings? Do I just not take the chance in fear of getting hurt? Or do I risk it all and take a change?
I have learned that I am not always as confident as I thought…sometimes this curve ball comes out of nowhere. And insecurities happen at any age…And so many questions that I keep asking myself…
I am learning to take things slow.. Keep my head calm and free… I also need to remember not to set expectations. Its so hard. I have to remember to stay confident. Stay confident.