I Have Insecurities

Insecurities…. How do you ever get over them??  I am a very independent woman, almost too independent at times.  I come across very strong and confident to most people…but I have these insecurities that people don’t see.  

Lately, I have this giant insecure elephant just staring me in the face….I facing it daily…I am just going to lay it out here and tell you that I just do not know why I feel so insecure with dating. I have my speculations…but nothing is concrete.   

Maybe its because I actually really like this person… maybe its because I have been so patient with dating over the last 5 years…maybe its because no one else has even made me interested in them… I feel like a kid because I am constantly second guessing my decisions and over thinking everything.  It’s like I turned into a crazy lady.  And…Maybe this is why I have avoided dating.  I should have spent a lot more time dating in my twenties and learned to handle all of these feelings.

I find myself doubting everything, which is not how I am in other areas of my life.   Then I have to give myself a reality check amd reel myself back in.  Mostly reminding myself that I am a confident person.  

Through the years, my insecurities with my body, my career, and my life status have diminished.  I have increased my self confidence tremendously, so those insecurities I do not worry about much..  I just brush things off and move on.  I do not even second guess my decisions.  

Even through my divorce, I was confident.  I did not face many insecurities, because I was very secure in my decisions and the challenges I faced.  My decisions were always very clear to me.  

But through the last few months, I have realized that It’s my insecurity of getting hurt… I keep myself so sheltered from getting hurt because I do not want to feel that nagging pain.   I don’t want to experience the disappointment or let down in life, so I keep myself so guarded.  I would rather not even experience things just to save myself from getting hurt. 

At times, I feel like just ending my dating relationship so that I do not have to risk the hurt, if it doesn’t work out.   And honestly, I really enjoy this person.  It has been a slow progression and I do not feel overwhelmed with my kids schedule and being able to see him.   I think a lot of this insecurity has to do with the fact that I am so confident in other areas and that I do not know how to cope with these new feelings.  Its all kind of new for me..

So here I am constantly asking myself…How do I get past the things in life that trigger my insecurities?  Do I avoid getting into a relationship that will trigger these feelings?   Do I just not take the chance in fear of getting hurt? Or do I risk it all and take a change?   

I have learned that I am not always as confident as I thought…sometimes this curve ball comes out of nowhere.  And insecurities happen at any age…And so many questions that I keep asking myself…

I am learning to take things slow.. Keep my head calm and free… I also need to remember not to set expectations.  Its so hard. I have to remember to stay confident.  Stay confident.  

-Snarky


www.snarkydivorcedgal.com

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One thought on “I Have Insecurities

  1. Jennifer

    Omg! Sounds like my lifer story. Except i still have body insecurities that I still haven’t overcome. But also in a new relationship with a much younger man that still doesn’t have his shit together. But makes me feel good wanting to be around me. I’ve been so guarded for too many years! Just loved hearing your story.

    Reply

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