This perception plagued me for many years. In the dating arena and with the growing obsession of social platforms, it’s very easy to compare yourself with others. And when you do, you’ll never feel good enough. It’s been stated that “Comparison is the thief of joy,” I’d add that it’s the thief of confidence too.
After being married for 12 years, and creating a family, it was quite foreign to me to enter back out into the singles world. My first step after looking at available options to date, was to look at my competition. I saw hundreds of beautiful, single women. Women who were taller, thinner, or more fit, more outgoing, smarter, more successful… the list went on and on. It brought about deep feelings of inadequacy.
Several months post-divorce, I began seeing a guy who was very attractive, successful, and intelligent. I felt lucky to be dating him. After a short time, he called me to break the news – he had found someone else. I was blindsided and heartbroken. I browsed her social media to gain some insight. She appeared beautiful, highly successful and sought-after; everything I thought I wasn’t. I sat sobbing in my car, clutched onto my phone. It was as if I was in a beauty pageant I didn’t belong in. I felt defeated and invalidated and I allowed it to hold me back in many areas of my life.
These feelings ruled over me until I began to realize that validation and a strong sense of self-worth doesn’t come from dating or men. And it surely doesn’t come from comparing yourself with others. I was responsible for my own sense of self. I was responsible for my own inner voice. Once I began to believe in myself, set goals, overcome challenges, and celebrate who I was, my confidence grew. The more I focused within, the less I cared to compete. Feeling like you’re not good enough is only a state of mind and only you can control it. If you don’t feel “good enough,” stop looking around you, and start looking within you.
The Single Minded Mom