Don’t Let This Be My Story

Don’ let this be my story….It is early this week while I write this. No beverage, no music. But lots of thoughts banging around in my head.

My daughter finally visited with her Dad. She hasn’t said much and I don’t want to push.

This is a slippery slope this Single Mama thing. I realize I’m preaching to the proverbial choir. But there are days I want to come home, look at someone and just have them hug me alright.

I’m a pretty independent person and have been wading these waters solo even when I wasn’t solo but I’m going to be honest. I don’t always want it to be like this. I’ve dipped my toe back into dating again as you all know it’s a roller coaster.

I have a person but the world right now has put roadblocks in our way.

As a person who thrives on end goals,it’s hard for me to feel like I don’t have one.

On the flip side we joke every story we will  tell our grandchildren will be something related to the pandemic.

But there are days I worry we won’t make it. I come with that infamous suitcase I try to hide under my bed.

The suitcase will slide out and suddenly I start believing I’m unlovable. I’m not worthy. I’m all the things the ghosts of my past made me believe, which makes me start looking for cracks that don’t exist.

Shut down.

Go radio silent.

It would be easy to start sticking labels on me. First … yes I go to therapy. Lol. Please for all that is holy do not call me broken. Chipped. Sure. Cautious. Oh my goodness yes. 

Guarded.

Absolutely.

Last but not least I don’t want this to be my story. I think the fact that I don’t want it. Means there is hope.

At least the perpetual optimist in me believes so.

Hope is huge. Hope, caffeine and my daughter are what get me through a lot of days.

My hope for you that you have hope and things to keep you bright and going when your story doesn’t feel like it’s going to end the way you want.

 

 Much love and be safe Mommas

<3 Caprise

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