Took Awhile After The Divorce To Feel Like A Family..
In July, it will 4 years since I bought my house. It has taken the kids and I that long to really come together as a family. And it has taken me that long to think of our house as our home. We have really had to work through all the kinks and get into a grove of our own.
I’m not sure why but I thought because I was not married anymore or have a husband, that we were not a family. It was like I just couldn’t say the words “family” or call us a family. Maybe I had this view stuck in my head that a family should include a mom and dad. I would stumble over the word all the time. I would always fall back and say “the kids and I”.
The first couple years after my divorce, I dreaded going to school events, sporting events, or church with just the kids. I felt like I was the only one there that was divorced. I felt like I stood out compared to all the other families. Maybe I felt embarrassed or ashamed that I didn’t have that significant other. I also felt uncomfortable going to larger family events with the just the kids or even by myself. I just felt like I was the divorced mom with 3 kids always, like I had a label everywhere. I would always wonder if people knew I was divorced. I dreaded being asked questions that just made me feel awkward or uncomfortable. I would not reference us as a family to others, but just my kids and I.
And I also did not feel like our house was a home. It took quiet awhile for it to feel like it was now our home. The first year that I had my house, I did not spend much time there when I did not have my kids. I was in a relationship and we spent most of the time at his house. It was a place I slept with the kids, but it definitely did not feel like home. But when that relationship ended, I started to finally spend time there.
So over time things started to change….
We first started to stay home more… the first few years after my divorce, we spent a lot of time at activities or away from our home. I think that was because I just didn’t always feel comfortable or like it was our home. Now things have settled down and I love to just hang out at home. I know I have wrote before about wanting the house that my kids friends always hung out at and I have that with this house. My kids’ friends love to come over! I love the more than anything.
We have made some small improvements to the house, lots of paint. The kids have decorated their rooms with what they like… I have asked their input on paint colors and changes throughout the house. We would have a little meeting and I would ask their input. And I have put up tons of pictures of them growing up throughout the house.
I started to invite my friends over to hang out…. I think at first I was a little embarrassed of the house. I know I know… t was in a older development and its an older house. We do not live in the neighborhoods with all my kid’s friends anymore. Its definitely not as s modern as the house I had when I was married, so it was an adjustment.
But when I was married, I rarely had my friends over to hang out, so this is new for me. And now my friends love to hang out in my kitchen or on the deck with some wine and pizza.
And as the house started to take on a new feel, I also got more comfortable going to activities and events with just the kids and I… And as time went on, I am completely comfortable going to anything and everything that my kids are involved in. We also plan fun weekend getaways and trips with just us, as a family.
Honestly, now I don’t even think about it. We have become so close as family that I never even have those insecurities. I am not sure if it was just time I needed to process the change in my lifestyle or just coming together closer as a family.
We are a much stronger family now, than when I was married. Our house completely feels like home. I know it does for my kids also. I can tell they feel so comfortable and safe here. We hang out, we plan nights with friends, we are finally just a family.