The Day That Will Never Be The Same

There used to be a certain day in my life that was even more important to me than my Birthday. I might even go as far as to rank it higher than Christmas. It was a day that I gave myself in front of God, our closest friends and family to the man that I thought I would spend the rest of my life with. When that day came around once a year it was always a day of celebration. It was romantic candlelight dinners, beautiful flowers, night of dancing to our favorite bands or just spending an evening at home without the kids. It was a day to honor our love and commitment to each other. Something we did for 19 consecutive years. We were just 4 months away from hitting the 20 year mark when that date just became another day on the calendar.

How does one day lose the meaning it once held? To just becoming another day on the calendar?

When this day came around last year for the first time since the divorce I found myself being surrounded by closest members of my tribe. They took me to dinner and a funny movie. I chose that day to honor me and the woman I was becoming after our divorce.

This year today I find myself sitting in a hospital room at my daughter’s beside supporting and loving on her. She had a craniotomy yesterday. She is doing great. Fast forward a few hours and now that she has been released and tucked into her own bed at my house, her father and his girlfriend are currently at her bedside. I could say a lot more about that, but that is for another story on a different day. For now I am swallowing my pride and doing what is best for my daughter.

Today on what would be our 21st anniversary, I find myself numb to feelings and with lots of questions that will never be truthfully answered by a man I thought I would be with till death do us part.

The one thing I have learned in the last several years of seeking my soul and climbing out of the depression that I found myself in is that there is a reason for everything. I now know it’s ok to have a Plan B-Z. Not everything in life goes as we have planned. It’s how we pick ourselves back up that matters.

So for me today I will vow to myself to Love & honor myself even in my worst days. To not shrink for anyone. I will no longer allow anyone to steal my joy. Today I will live for my kids and myself. Until my knight in shining armor arrives.

 

-Jeanna

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