Clean Your Bedroom Like A Teenage Girl
Six Easy Steps to Domestic Bliss
Step 1: Organize all of your nail polish by color. This is a critical. If you don’t do this, the next time you want to impress that cute boy who won’t notice your hands, you might have to wave “hi” to him with nail polish that does not match your outfit.
Step 2: Organize all of your jewelry. This includes double-checking to see if your sister “borrowed” any of your jewelry without asking. If she did, you will need to spend at least 30 minutes arguing with her. If you can’t find a favorite pair of earrings, the likelihood that you misplaced them in your messy room is extremely low. Make sure to accuse your sister of both stealing your favorite earrings and then lying about it.
Step 3: Organize all of your clean clothes in your closet, hanging them up perfectly and arranging them by season, color, and occasion. Spend at least two hours on this. Then go tell your mom that you have nothing to wear and she needs to take you shopping.
Step 4: Scatter all of your dirty clothes across the floor of your room. This will serve the following purposes:
a. Your sister will not want to borrow these clothes because they are dirty
b. The dirty clothes will cover the carpet, disguising the fact that you have not vacuumed
c. The clean clothes hanging in your closet will look even more sparse, which might make your request to go shopping seem reasonable
d. You will have more privacy because your family will not want to set foot in your room
Step 5: Make your bed and arrange the pillows and stuffed animals meticulously. Don’t bother to wash the sheets. At some point your mom will realize that you haven’t done this in ages, get disgusted, and just go ahead and do this for you.
Step 6: Plop down on your freshly arranged bed and call your best friend to complain that your mom has been making you clean all morning. Suggest that the two of you go shopping. Ask her what nail polish you should wear to school on Monday.
Liz Possible is a Writer and Single Mom Extraordinaire. She lives in Minnesota with her two teenage daughters and their cats, Beau and Phoebe. “Possible” is her attitude, not her legal name — but then you knew that.