Category Archives: Relationships

It Took A Pandemic To Co-Parent

It took a pandemic to get us to co-parent…Co-parenting during COVID… I have wrote before about how co-parenting is not for everyone.  My ex and I have not co-parented very well over the last 5 years. In the past, we have had minimal communication.  I have spent years developing boundaries and sticking to them.  I have limited the form of communication to mostly email and not engaging in additional texts on parenting.  As long as I kept it to those guidelines, things would stay civil with us.   

Then COVID started and everything had to change.  There is no way we would have survived parenting, teaching our kids, and working from home with how we had co-parented in the past.  We had to start communicating more effectively and become more flexible with our schedules.   

My ex had a very strict schedule with the kids at his house.  I had always been the more flexible parent and had adapted to my kids lifestyles.  My ex had a completely different parenting style than myself.  However, he learned that he would have to loosen the reigns a little to be able to survive having 3 kids at home everyday.  In addition, trying to work from home and following up on their school work.  He had to learn to give my kids some independence and trust them.  And in return over the last few months, my kids have enjoyed being there a lot more.  

We now had to communicate daily about the kid’s schoolwork.  We also had to schedule google meets between houses and teachers.  In addition, we had to be more flexible with our time with the kids.  We basically had to work together so that we were both able to work from home and divide up our kid time.  We had to learn to help each other out, which is something we had not done in years.  We had to be flexible on drop off and pick up times, along with additional time with the kids.  If one of us had more work commitments on a certain day, the other would take the kids longer.  

We also had to trust each other because neither one of us knew what would happen in the next few months.  We had to trust that what each other said or did would be followed through.  We had to trust that schoolwork and similar routines were followed at each house.   This was hard because I had not really trusted him in years and it made me nervous that it would backfire. 

I think one of the things that turned it around was that my son had to celebrate his 1st communion virtually this year due to COVID.  We all got together and my house and watched the 1st communion service virtually on the TV.    Watching it virtually was hard to get used too, but then we all had to sit together in my living room for over an hour.  I had no idea what we would even talk about.  This is the 1st time in 4 years that my ex has came past the front door and now he sat with all of us and we celebrated my son’s 1st communion.  A couple days after that, my daughter said, “ you and dad actually seem like you are friends”.  That was crazy to hear from my daughter, because over the last 5 years we had such limited communication. 

This was completely different from the past.  It was hard to get used to our new relationship.  I had always wanted this type of co-parenting, but it had never happened.   There had always been so much anger and conflict from him over the last five years.  It was hard to trust that he was beginning to be flexible and even supportive of my parenting.  

There was no more questioning on my decisions.  In addition, he was letting the kids make some of their own decisions at his house.  Having the kids notice the difference in our relationship was probably the greatest outcome from COVID.    

I can only hope that six months or a year from our now, we are still communicating and showing each other more respect.  Maybe it’s covid or the amount of time that has passed since our divorce, but I had always wanted my kids to see that we can still be great parents even though we are not together.  I hope that we are finally on the right track…


-snarky

 

https://www.snarkydivorcedgirl.com/

It’s Not Over

One of my favorite Lenny Kravitz songs has a refrain of “ and it’s not over ‘til it’s over.”

It’s playing on loop in my head as I sit anxiously waiting for my ex husband to leave. It is Father’s Day as I write this and he is having a social distance visit with our daughter.

Only the second one he’s had since our state when on virtual lockdown. As with the first, because I reached out. It was her birthday and rather than focus on that, he focused on Father’s Day. Pushed me for times so he could plan his day.

In my head- I am thinking you haven’t seen your child in two months. Drop everything! It’s her birthday! But that right there, has always been one of our problems. For me she has always come first.

For him, if it fit in his day.

We have been divorced for eight years. Seperated for even longer. My hope was we could co-parent. Get along. I am still waiting.

Not even ten minutes after stepping on our front porch he was yelling at me. When I pointed it out, he raised his voice more. I reminded him he was here to see our daughter. This isn’t about us, it’s about her.

Yet here I sit almost a decade later and it is still about us.

It is not over.

I live in fear. I hesitate to type that. But it’s my reality. When I speak up, he does what he can to turn my world upside down. He will make casual comments about when our daughter can legally make the decision to live where she wants.

When I speak up I am helicopter Mom. A tiger Mom. Overprotective. Overdramatic.

Granted you are only hearing my side.

But when we were married this was the guy who kept a spreadsheet of how much money he gave me, made me ask for permission to adjust the color of bathroom towels, let his friends tease me and joined in.

I endured it because there were glimmers and I really thought us being parents might make it better.

It made it worse. Now I didn’t give him any attention. He would get mad when I fell asleep with her when she was little but wouldn’t offer to help.

I worked part time, was a Mom and was trying to be everything to him. 

Not enough.

I have put a lot of this behind me. When I left he wouldn’t give me anything and I didn’t ask. I still don’t.

I have struggled a lot and I’m thankful my daughter never figured that out. 

I put our life back together.

I think that is the part that is hard for him I didn’t fail.

And I can put all the fights and hurt away until he’s standing on my porch yelling at me like he is allowed to.

Which he is not.

I have become really good at putting my hand out and calmly saying please don’t raise your voice at me.

I almost always cry later. Not for the reasons you think or maybe I do.

I just want him to move on. Let me go. Focus on being civil for the sake of the one thing we did right.

I didn’t do any of this to hurt him. 

I did it because he was hurting me.

 

Hope you are safe.

Much love Mommas

<3 Caprise

Dreams Of Growing Old With Someone

Dreams of growing old with someone I felt was the love of my life- catapulted me into a 2 decade marriage.  At a young age, I had no idea how little I knew and I had no understanding of what intimate, long lasting love was in a marriage.  I only knew that I wanted him to be the axis of my life.  He was everything I wanted to build my life around and so I did.

We were quickly blessed with a sweet little boy, and somehow, I now had 2 people to devote my time and love towards.  As the years went by, the deep love between my former spouse and I quickly turned to lies and hurt.  So many mistakes were made and we managed to devastate our little boy time and again.  As the marriage began to fade at a rapid pace, God gave us an unexpected miracle of a little girl.  Her existence became known only one day after an agreement for a divorce. We struggled even more to hold our marriage together, to give our children the opportunity of a family.  Our lives were impacted by military combat, frequent absences of their father and we were a lonely military family, away from our loved ones.  There was no village to help and rarely time together as husband and wife.

The years continued to go by and our children were our only joy. We managed to create a team effort, absent of real intimacy, void of trust.  We built a lovely home, strong careers and we ran a regimented home that kept the ship more than afloat.  As the years passed, I longed for another child, and I still deeply loved my husband.  And, so, one morning I learned I was pregnant and my entire life felt completely right again.

And then it wasn’t.

The marriage continued to break apart and was put back together time and again; more combat deployments and a diagnosis of Autism with our youngest son. We picked ourselves up from the many pains and crisis’ over the years, packed our belongings and departed the military life after 20 years.  We needed normalcy and time as a family.

Two short years later, it ended in divorce.  Abruptly.  And we waged an emotional war on each other that I can clearly see now is shameful and did detrimental harm to our children.  It eroded our emotional health, finances and family relationships.  We embedded distrust, anger and hatred in our family.

Fast forward 4 years, we have just begun to be civil and really try and co parent our last remaining child that lives at home.  Are we friends?  I wouldn’t go that far. But, I would say that we are doing everything right in the best interest of our children, and our grandchildren.  We face the challenges that all of our children are dealing with because of their traumas and because we were too consumed by our own pain to think clearly.  Some of those traumas were from the military life we had together and others from the turbulent divorce.

Recently, my former spouse gave me the courtesy of letting me know he is remarrying.  I was grateful because it gave me the chance to brace myself for impact with our children.  His courtesy was an opportunity for me to see that our family is moving on in healthy ways and we can help our children prepare for more changes.  I know my children will struggle with this, but it is my prayer and hope that they will see that we are still a family.  It will take more time for them to accept the finality of the divorce; that the last shred of hope is absolutely gone.  Four years is but a drop in the bucket compared to 25 years.

I hope my children’s father finds in his new marriage all that we lacked in ours.  I want that for him; to see him happy and to grow old with a wonderful person by his side.  I can only hope that our children will embrace their father’s new life and that they know in their hearts that he does love them.  And that, his “moving on” from the marriage he shared with me is not about “moving on” from his relationship with our children.

I hated to love him after the marriage fell apart.  And, it felt good to love to hate him for so long.  But now, I feel peace and contentment in what we had, what was lost and what we have since found as civil people that deeply love the children we were given.  From our teenage marriage and ongoing brokenness, we created two sons, a daughter and were given the blessings of a daughter in law and 3 grandsons.

I’ll forever be grateful for the good times we shared and for the years we tried to give it our best.  We were teenagers when we married and we taught each other so much about life.  But, my most amazing lesson is that through so much devastation, former partners can find common ground when you share a deep love for the same people.

I’ll always have many regrets.  And, there was a phase where I swore I regretted the entire marriage.  But, since the dust has settled and there is a mutual effort of building trust and respect, I now remember that there were good times.  And, we did do some things right.  We made beautiful children that still deserve both of their parents involvement and support.  And if that means that our family grows through remarriage, then that’s what it means.  I think there is never too many people to love our children and grandchildren.

So, the dream of growing old is different now.  There is no sitting on the porch swing next to my children’s father, grey haired with our grandbabies at our feet.  But, I do dream of more laughter and smiles, and our children taking the next step forward in healing after all they have been through in their lives.

– Carmen 
Not Just Nearly Learn happiness, But Really Learn happiness

Are You Listening?

One of my favorite Jimmy Eat World songs has a chorus with the lines… “if you’re listening, sing it back.”

Then there are the whoa’s for good measure.

But it makes me think of how we, ok me, how I communicate with people.

In particular the ones I am dating.

Look I pulled back the curtain last week about easily one of the worst relationships I have ever had. Might as well go here too.

I am not the best communicator.

I can write. I can host a radio show, two actually. I can speak in front of hundreds of people.

Tell the man I love what I want.

Lol.

Nope. Not always.

Not at first. Not until he uses the jaws of life to get it out of me.

Friends, there have been times I have had to cover my eyes and turn around when I have to share.

My favorite thing, when things get deep for me is to say ANYWAY.

The thing is I do share. But I continue to live in fear if I share too much I will be perceived as weak or a burden.

None of which I am and if someone treats me like that when I share something that means something to me- I don’t want them in my life.

Somewhere along the way someone taught me they don’t want to know the things about me, that make me, me. I have friends who have seen me at my worst know all my hopes and dreams and decades later are still here.

So why can’t I accept someone I love wouldn’t feel the same?

I don’t know. I do know but that’s not what this is about.

It’s about all of us as a collective getting comfortable with telling people, in particular people we love what we need.

One of my good friends likes to say- if people don’t want to know the answer they shouldn’t ask the question.

But what if they’re just being polite?

See what I did there? That is called negative self talk. Don’t do that.

Every week I put pieces of myself on paper for you all to read. The difference is for me at least – I don’t know you. You can’t break my heart.

I think at the core of this, that is my problem.

Why I am not always the best and being straight forward.

I don’t want my heart broken.

I am forty eight years old my friends, I am way ready to have my time for happy. As long as I am openly communicating… I have spent way too many decades wanting things I don’t have.

I had an idea of how things were going to be and absolutely none of that happened. That’s ok. It happened. I survived. I did what I needed to do.

But I am so ready.

Beyond, for all of it

So I guess I better start speaking up.

And I hope you do too.

Be safe.

Much love Mommas

<3 Caprise

Do I Need A Man?

Do I need a man? I heard a commercial on the radio for a new talk show. One line stood out to me in a snippet of interviews. I have no idea who it was, but she said (and I’m paraphrasing), “when I got divorced, I found I needed men to help me find my way back to myself.” That line has been sort of reverberating around in my head for the past couple of days. I’ve been trying to figure out if it was true for me or not.

As an independent woman, I think my first inclination is to say; wait, I don’t need a man for anything. I only want a man for things. However, the more I think about it, the more I feel a connection to those words. There are some men in my life that I really needed to go through in order to know what I wanted, what I needed, and what I deserved. Then, ultimately when I found all of those things in someone, I needed to be able to let him heal some things in me that I could not heal on my own.

Let’s start with the first guy I fell for. He may have been the first guy I genuinely fell for my whole life. But looking back, I fell for a game. He was well versed in keeping women’s attention and he thrived on it. We never dated, but we talked all the time. We talked about random things, sometimes nothing exciting at all. But he was who I wanted to talk to. I was hooked on the conversation. And he really talked to me. It was something I hadn’t had in my marriage. So, what I learned from that is that I needed someone who would talk to me. Someone who would be my go-to person. That is the positive that I learned, and I won’t even delve into the negative.

Next was the guy who was amazing in bed. He wasn’t just amazing in bed though, he was genuinely attracted to me and could not get enough. That was important because it was something else lacking in my marriage. I needed to know that someone could see me like that. Because I saw myself primarily as a mother, then as the ex-wife of a man who never wanted me, and never as an attractive woman. I also learned in a successful relationship, sex is a very important part of the foundation for me.

Lastly, was the man who treated me like a princess. He was older than me and very kind. At first he lavished attention, time, and gifts. He always opened my car door and treated me with respect. He made me feel beautiful and taken care of. It didn’t work out, but it was a mostly positive experience. He taught me that I deserve those things because I’m willing to give them.

So I learned all of those things that I wanted in a relationship by dating men. So, it was true for me, I did need men to help me realize things about myself. There were other men, my ex-husband, one narcissistic nightmare, and various others along the way, but I am choosing to focus on the good I learned from them and not the negative, though I learned many cautionary tales. They molded me as well, but I am afraid not necessarily in good ways, except maybe to make me stronger and wiser.

I learned I need meaningful conversation and a lot of it. I learned that sex and feeling attractive is huge for me and has to be solid. And I learned that I want to be treated well, maybe not over the top, but some chivalry is very much appreciated. And then I knew I needed those things to have a successful relationship. And then I met someone who gave me all three.

Stronger Than Yesterday,

Alice

Be A Friend

Did you read my blog about “Making Girlfriends in Your 50’s”? I’m talking good, close to the heart, caring, loving girlfriends? Girlfriends you think you’ve known your whole life. Girlfriends who go out of their way for you, think of you while they’re at the market and ask to help you plant your garden? Friends who show up, whether it’s in person or on the phone? Girlfriends who just simply love.

I have one friend I call her “my sister from another mister”. We are soooo alike it makes me laugh out loud every time I find another likeness.   Not only our “curly hair one day/straight hair one day” likeness, but also cowhide rugs, doorstep grates and baskets of goodies in our cars, but also our rhythm. She’ll text me as I’m walking to the phone to call her. I’ll call her as she’s walking across the street to say hi. Happy Hearts here!

I have another girlfriend, we talk 5 of the 7 days, if not every day. We have known each other for more than 2/3’s of our ives and would do ANYTHING for each other. We are similar yet different. We call each other on our shit, laugh with & at each other and support each other to be our best selves. We’ve been through a lot together.   We are mirrors of each other and happy to be that.

If you’re finding yourself friendless, all I can say is step outside your box, say YES more often & live with an outgoing spirit. Stop secluding and isolating. Stop waiting for someone to say hi first and mostly…. stop staying in on sunny days.

Try out “Meet Up”, it’s a website full of events put on by people for people, search for “Events Near Me” on Facebook or sign up for a class through the local Community College or through your Parks & Recreation Dept.

You’ll probably meet peeps just like you. Make a friend. Be a friend.

 

xoxo

Your God-girl

Tracy

Divorce Did Not Ruin My Child

I have heard it many times… “My divorce ruined my kids lives”… False. Changes that happen in your life, do not ruin your kids lives. We all experience changes that will affect the lives of your children. And sometimes throughout all those changes, we all come out better.

Getting divorced does not ruin your kids lives… Before I decided to go through with my divorce, I struggled with how it would affect my kids. It was the number one thing that was holding me back from going through with my divorce. I would constantly worry if they would be ok and make it through all the transitions. Would they be upset, mad, angry, or would they act out… all of these worries raced through my mind over and over again.

But 5 years later…I can tell you that I did not ruin my kids lives. Yes, Their lives are different now. But they have adjusted to the changes. Yes, we have had some struggles through the way. However a lot of the struggles that we have faced, are just growing up parenting struggles. It has not always been a party…

However, I could not stay in a loveless marriage.

All of us worry about how divorce will affect our kids. I don’t think we would be human if we did not. But my kids saw everything and they picked up on so much that I don’t even realize.

My youngest was 4 when I got divorced. He often replays scenarios to me of his dad and I fighting in the last stages of our marriage. He will also mention how nice it is that dad and I don’t fight anymore. I am always so curious because his dad and I did not have loud arguments, but obviously to a 4 year old at the time.. he picked up on a lot more than we thought. It is also how a 4 year old interpreted our relationship and marriage.

I believe its how you handle all parts of your divorce, from the beginning, through the process, and all the years after…

There are things that I have done that have helped the transition over the last few years.

I have been able to tell when my kids needed a little additional support. All 3 of my kids have gone to counseling separately at different times in their lives. Each one faced different challenges at different ages and just needed to work through it. Alot of it was the changes in households and different parenting styles. I knew they could use a neutral person to talk too and work it out.

I continued counseling throughout and after my divorce. I did this because it was my outlet to let out my frustrations and emotions. It helped me control my emotions with my ex in front of my children. Counseling kept me grounded when I really just wanted to tell my ex what an idiot he was at times. Or it taught me to refrain from sharing my true feelings about my ex’s decisions in front of the kids.

My ex and I have also stayed very informed in their lives. I have learned to have conversations with my children and my ex all together, so there is no miscommunication between any of us. It gives my kids a chance to voice their opinion in front of both of us. And it has taken a lot of the pressure off me as always being the one having to speak for my kids.

I am very open and honest with my kids, even more so now that they are older. My girls are teenagers now, so their dad gets under their skin all the time… just being a dad to teenagers. I have always tried to keep my comments and negative thoughts to myself, and I still do now even more. Its hard. Many times I would love to tell them what I really think, but I want them to have a very healthy and positive relationship with us both. Its so hard to keep all my under my breath comments to myself. I also want my kids to form their own opinions and not be influenced by what I think.

So, no my divorce has not ruined my kids. I do not think it has ruined anything in any of our lives. My kids see how happy I am now, plus I can tell that they are happy. And they see how much love and support they get from both of their parents, just separately.

 

-snarky

https://www.snarkydivorcedgirl.com/

This Time

There is an INXS song and the lyrics are “this time will be the last time…”.

It plays over in my head a lot because I have a laundry list of things I promise myself I won’t do again.

Some are of the warm fuzzy variety. Some are what everyone does. Some are so I can do something.

Some I have tried before and some are long overdue.

As much I write about loving yourself and supporting other people.

I have an incredibly hard time doing that with myself.

I tell people be open. I tell people be honest.

I try to trust and love with my whole heart…

YET…

I have spent a lifetime of letting people believe what they want because it was easier than the truth.

Sometimes even with my own family.

I have spent several relationships putting up walls and waiting for the other shoe to drop.

It’s twenty three years later and I am still being shaped by it.

It was being with a man for almost two years who abused me and not telling anyone. I was too ashamed to tell anyone because prior to that, I had always been the woman who told other women they shouldn’t tolerate it. How could I let this happen?

When we met there were so many red flags. Even now, I am not sure why I ignored them as strongly as I did. The abuse didn’t start right away. It started after I confronted him about things coming up missing, checks bouncing. Then it was everything.I would find out later he slept with a neighbor and when she refused to let him move in with her, he stayed with me, but made it clear how unhappy he was. All the time.I tried to kick him out. Several times.But when you are embarrassed to tell anyone what is going on, it makes leaving difficult. He made it difficult. And I honestly thought I made this mess I had to figure out how to get out of it.

I realize now how incredibly insane that is.

The tipping point was him calling my workplace and threatening me. My boss intervened, sent me home and said pack his stuff, call your parents.

So I did.

It was awful.

I put his stuff outside and he yelled at me from our apartment courtyard. A neighbor stood guard until my Dad came. The same neighbor apologized for never doing anything.

I told him he was here now.

My Dad came.

The cops came.

And it was as awful and uncomfortable as you can imagine, because my Dad had no idea.

He literally had no idea.

I still don’t think he knows the whole deal and that is ok. It has to be. (Ok, it’s not ok. But it i am not sure I will ever be able to tell my parents everything that went on. )

Because I just dealt with it. Until I couldn’t anymore. I didn’t want to let my family down or be a burden. I didn’t want to disappoint anyone. So much that I endured something horrible on my own.

Please don’t do that. If you tell someone and they don’t believe you. Tell someone else until someone hears you.

The biggest mistakes I have made are believing I wouldn’t be believed and that no one would want to hold my hand and help me get through WHATEVER it is I need to get through. That’s not true. I promise you. That’s not true.

As I am very aware it’s easy for me to say all of this when I have decades between then and now.

When you are in it, you really are just fight or flight. Just get to the next day.

I made it to the next day. In fact I made it through some decades.Because thankfully, I found people who would listen and hold my hand.

I learned I let the people I love down more by not letting them in.

Much love Mommas

Be safe

<3 Caprise

From Married Boy Mom to Single Boy Mom

Being a boy mom is both amazing and gross.  The love between a mother and a son is indescribable, but so are the smells.

The moment I saw those two pink lines on that little white stick, I knew I was having a boy.  I wasn’t shocked one bit when the ultrasound technician confirmed that three months later.  What I didn’t know was that 9 years after his birth I would go from a married boy mom to a single boy mom.

I grew up as a total girly-girl.  Bugs, dirt, and fart jokes just weren’t my thing.  That was something that I left up to his dad.  I quickly realized as the divorce proceedings began that I was going to be doing most of the parenting on my own, and that meant I had to become comfortable with all things boy so that my son was comfortable with all things boy.

These are a few things I’ve learned during my transition from a married boy mom to a single boy mom.

Expecting him to be the “man of the house” wasn’t fair.

At first, I tried making the transition fun by telling my son he was going to be the “man of the house” now.  I thought it would make him feel special and give him something to look forward to, but instead, it made him feel like he had to grow up too fast.

I had to realize that expecting him to fill the opening left by his 41-year-old father wasn’t just unrealistic, it wasn’t fair.  Just because his father and I are divorced doesn’t mean he doesn’t still get to be a kid and do kid things.  Sure, he needs to chip in a little more around the house, but he shouldn’t feel the need to be the protector or the provider.  That’s my job now.

A positive male role model was incredibly important for him.

After my divorce, I was kind of anti-male.  I wanted to prove that I was an independent woman and that I could do this whole life thing- including parenting- on my own.  While I’m certainly capable, I understood that my son still craved positive attention from male role models and that I needed to support that.

That didn’t mean I had to go out and find him a step-father.  I didn’t have to look far to find many positive male role models for him.  My father, brother-in-law, nephews, friends, and even my son’s teachers stepped up to the plate.  Although it was difficult to admit, there are some things as a female that I just don’t get.  The “guy stuff” was still important for my son to learn and I needed to respect that.

 ​He needed to see my ups and downs, but not be burdened by them.

This whole single-mom thing isn’t easy.  Life is busy enough, but taking on the work of two people can feel overwhelming at times.  At first, I tried to act like everything was totally fine in front of my son because I didn’t want to feel weak or for him to worry.

I realized that I wasn’t doing either of us any favors by hiding my feelings and that this, in fact, could be a great learning experience for him.  I started talking about age-appropriate things with him and made it clear that he could ask questions if he wanted to, and I saw the anxiety melt away from him.  This whole time I was trying to hide things so he wouldn’t worry, but it was just causing him to wonder and worry even more.

Seeing his mom go through struggles, but to push through them and become stronger because of them is only going to make him more humble, determined, and able as he grows up.

 ​Being “one of the guys” is actually pretty cool.

Before my divorce, I was kind of left out of the “guy stuff”.  I didn’t really know what I was missing.  Cars, video games, football, hockey, fishing, and yes, even fart jokes, aren’t so bad after all.

I’m still not a fan of bugs, but that’s what exterminators are for.  Watching this boy grow into a man is pretty amazing.  Seeing the wheels turn as he watches YouTube videos about how to fix things or listen to him talking about how when he grows up, he’s going to buy a McLaren P1, is incredibly special.

I would have missed all these moments if I were still a married boy mom.  I’m learning that this whole single boy mom thing is just as wonderful, if not more.  I still get to be a girly-girl, but I have a tough side now that makes me feel like a warrior.  Soft, strong, and one proud boy mom.

-Lindsay, The Divorced Mama Bear

instagram.com/thedivorcedmamabear

The Relationship Guru

As I typed that title I am chuckling because I am not a relationship guru.

Not even close. I am actually the poster child for what you should not do in relationships. We could take a jaunt down memory lane but I’ve done that before with some of you who have been regular readers.

I am not sure that there is value there.

But I have been revisiting my past relationships a lot lately because one of my good friends is going through the proverbial ringer in hers.

As I have listened and shared I have started putting my actions and choices under a microscope.

How I have had a pattern of being involved with emotionally unavailable men because I have the mindset they are easy to walk away from. I don’t have to put as much of myself out there.

Notice I used the word HAD.

That is not the case in my current relationship. My person always asks how I am. He gently teases me about how surprised I get when I share something and he hears me. It doesn’t end up in a fight.

Here’s the thing, I’m actually not the relationship guru in this story. He is.

I will be very honest and raw here, after my divorce I didn’t think about getting married again. Ever.

I put all those dreams away. Between my divorce and some really ugly relationships I didn’t think it was in the cards for me to meet someone I felt comfortable planning a future with.

There are days I still have a hard time.

I had this conversation with my friend. I do not like to consider myself a broken person and I definitely don’t think anyone should use their experiences as an excuse for bad behavior.

BUT

Whether we like it or not it shapes us.

In my case.

I’m guarded.

I run.

I’m an over thinker.

Obviously I am catch. Lol.

Yet here I am telling you about the most patient human in the universe.

He also asks me about the most important person – my daughter.

I have no idea what is going to happen but what I am learning is every subsequent relationship is an opportunity to start over, to grow. RESET.

I don’t need to be in a relationship.

But…

I am also learning I’m lovable.

 

Much love Mommas

Be safe

<3 Caprise