Category Archives: Relationships

Pay Attention

Pay attention….I was talking to one of my bff’s yesterday, she called me to process her most recent breakup with a man that she had been dating for a few months.  In the course of our discussion we realized that there were some ‘red flags’ early on that she dismissed as well as some on-going red flags that she didn’t give enough attention to.  IF she had paid close attention from the start she may have saved them both time and energy as she would have admitted to herself that they were not well matched.

The conversation with her warranted me doing a blog post about PAYING ATTENTION…you will ALWAYS be warned when you are around someone that isn’t good for you—whether it is a relationship or a friendship or a work association…if you are paying attention and looking at the facts in front of your face you will see the things you need to see.  Sadly, most of us look through rose-colored glasses and dismiss important information in the name of wanting to create relationship.  

It is important to keep in mind that nothing is more draining than a relationship that is toxic to you,relationships that contribute to you are life-giving,the toxic ones are energy stealers.

When evaluating someone to determine whether or not they are someone that you want in your world pay attention to a few important things:

  • Watch what they DO—actions people watch actions
  • See how they behave in public, how they treat clerks and waitstaff and other people standing in line etc
  • Listen to what they talk about—do they constantly complain, are they whiners, do they speak from a victim mentality
  • Look at their lives and what has happened to them, more importantly what KEEPS happening to them??? Do they have a long string of unwelcome events, are they always broke?  Always blaming someone else? Always having ‘bad luck’?
  • Trust but VERIFY—- verify what you are told, check facts, check story details, make sure everything adds up
  • Watch their habits—look for consistency…do they always oversleep, are they lazy, do they return calls and texts in a timely fashion, are they thoughtful, do they help, do they look to contribute or are they ‘takers’
  • Look at how they present themselves to the world…are they clean, neat or messy and disheveled — is their car clean or is it a dumpster with wheels?

All of these things will tell you a lot about someone’s character and they don’t even have to say a word. People will mostly tell you what they think you want to hear, you have to look for what is being communicated without words.

Pay attention to the ‘red flags’ you see and tailor your behavior accordingly —it will save you a lot of time and energy.

See you next week.

XO, Noelle

She Does Know

She does know…

The last couple blogs I have been zooming in on how there have been moments lately which have caught me off guard, in honestly the most beautiful way.

I am trying really hard to relish these moments because they are precious. They are rare, but they are there.

On Tuesdays and Thursdays I pick up my daughter from her Dad’s. On the drive I have a group of friends who I call. The calls are short but they are important and it is sometimes it’s  the only time I can talk to some of my friends.

I call the people in this group my Tuesday/Thursday night phone call club.

One of the members changed it up and called me on a Friday night. Said friend I have known for almost two plus decades and lives on the other side of the country. So even though my daughter was about to get in the car I kept talking and just let her know who was on the phone.

They bantered back and forth then I let my friend know we needed to wrap it up. I wanted to chat a bit with G about her day.

My friend says… “G do me a favor take care of your Mom. I am far away so I can’t and she means a lot to me and a lot of people ok?”

My sweet daughter grabs my hand and says the following and please know I’m paraphrasing, lol.

“I will. I love my Mom. I know she gave up a lot for me and I will fight for her because I love her.”

Here’s the thing. I know my daughter loves me. What I didn’t know is that she believes I have given things up for her. I didn’t know she realized this. I will be honest it’s a few days later and I’m still surprised.

Why is this important?

Mommas- they see us. They know.  They know. How often have you felt deflated or defeated because you felt like they didn’t.

Well.. guess what they do. They really, truly, do.

You’re doing amazing Mommas.

 

<3 Caprise

The Dreaded Day Of Valentine

The dreaded day of Valentine….This has always been a tough holiday for me. Since I can remember, I have struggled with being a single person on this day. When I was in college, I decided that I would start taking myself out on dates. I called them “Jesus dates.” It was just me and Him and we’d go and I would actually communicate with Him and treat myself to dinner and a movie. I continued these little dates about once a month or so regardless of the Valentine’s Day stuff and tried to value myself during these moments. It got me through young adulthood.

Then, as a full-on adult, still single with no prospects, I ran into an old friend who introduced me to a guy from another country. He was cute. He had a nice butt. I told him so. It was love at first sight.  I was in my 30s by this time. Our short whirlwind ended in marriage and our first Valentine’s Day was spent watching The Walking Dead. My husband bought me chocolates and he drew a picture for me. He drew the praying hands from scratch. He knew I was (and still am) a woman of Faith and drew the praying hands. I wish I still had that drawing. It was the first and last best Valentine’s Day ever.

Now, with about 10 additional years and two children in tow, it’s just me again. A party of one. With onesies… I have returned to being alone on this dreaded day, but I have kids now. They see everything.

EVERY. THING.

How do I navigate these waters without teaching them that I absolutely have no love for this holiday, for what this holiday currently means? I must decide every year to approach it head on for them. At some point, I’ll teach them the history, but in the meantime, I will have to show them how to love their peers and teachers. Last year, I bought my kids silk roses and mini hearts with chocolates inside. They turned around and gave the silk roses back to me when they saw I did not have any in my own hand. They shared their candy with me, too. The silk roses are still in my kitchen where they gave them back to me. This year, we went to the Dollar Tree and bought each of their teachers a customized gift. That was fun for the kids. It helped me not be depressed or angry this year as I pursue a divorce or reel from the loss of several friends or other significant relationships or jobs or what-have-you.

The Dreaded Day of Valentine is just another day this year. This is better than it being a day to look forward to hating.

~ALG~

Asking For My Children’s Input

Yesterday I was painting our living room finally, it’s been a 2 month project at minimum.  Once I was almost completed, I thought maybe we should change the furniture around, so I asked my daughter to come help and get her input.  Of course, she was more than excited on moving things around and putting in her own style.

Then it hit me… This is why our family works….I actually ask my kids their opinion. I ask them for their input.  I do not just make decisions on our lives without getting their input.  Over the last 5 years, I have learned to really ask my kids and listen to what they have to say. And I have learned that sometimes they are actually right.   They can see things in a different way that I can.

Maybe it’s different for me because I am single and divorced, so I like to get another person’s opinion on home improvements, dinner choices, movie selections, vacations, etc.  But I realized that this had made our family so much more enjoyable.  My kids have learned that I value what they say and I listen to them.

In the middle  of the week, I usually ask them if there is anything they want to do on the weekend.  Of course, I will usually run down the list of activities we have scheduled due to sports, but then I will actually ask “what do you guys want to do?”.  I love to get their opinions and input.   They are now 15. 12. and 9 so there is a lot of discrepancy on what is suggested.  Sometimes it’s as easy as all they want to do is go starbucks and target..without asking I would not have known that is all they want to do.  And really… I can handle Starbuck’s and target. That is kinda like a dream date.  Other times, I get can we go to a waterpark.

I do not just tell them what is going to happen or what we are going to do, I ask them what they would like to do on the weekends, I ask them if they need anything for school the next week, I ask them for dinner ideas, I ask them if there are any movies they want to see….. I think I have realized that by asking them their opinions I have learned so much more from them.  I do not just say “no” to say no.

Last year, we started our “ you pick dinner Thursdays’ which means that each week a different kid gets to pick where we eat dinner.  Thursdays are our busy sports nights so dinner is always late or rushed, this helps with us still getting to eat together.  Don’t get me wrong, there are some complaints from the others usually, but they get over it fast.   They are excited about being the one to pick the dinner place and the others are always curious on where they are going to pick.

On Sundays, we normally go to church and I have learned that by asking them the time that they want to go, makes them not complain about going.  They actually will get up and go.  Sometimes they pick the earlier time because they want to do something fun that day and other days they will want to sleep in and we will go later.

But the end result is the same, we all go to church together.  And since I asked them on the time, I think they actually feel that they made the decision.

And in return, they have learned that I actually listen to them. They feel comfortable coming to me and asking to have a sleepover, or how to use a tampon, or go to a dance with a boy, or that they have a boyfriend.   They feel that I actually value them and treat them with respect.  They have learned that I am not just going to tell them what to do. I make them think about things a little bit.  I might say no to what they are asking, but what is most important is that they feel comfortable actually asking me.

 

-Snarky

www.snarkydivorcedgal.com/blog

Dating In The 21st Century

****Attention! Our resident dating expert, P. Charlotte Lindsey, is making contributions to our blog...PLEASE note that there is colorful language in her posts,which actually makes them even more enjoyable,however I wanted to warn you because I don’t want to hear that we offended you in some way. If colorful dating/relationship language offends you PLEASE do not read.  Thanks.  XO, Noelle

 

Way, way back in the olden days, before Tinder and on-line dating existed – before the Internet, texting, cell phones, and even My Space, courtship was somewhat uncomplicated:  

 

LATE 20TH CENTURY DATING PARADIGM:

A. On any given Saturday night, a gal would go out with friends, spot a dude, bat eyelashes, and meet said dude.  

B. Gal and dude would go on a date…  then several more.  

C. Dude would give gal a piece of jewelry that she’d flash at her seething single friends, gleefully explaining that said gesture indicated she and dude were exclusive  (a/k/a “going steady”). 

D. Weekly date-nights, and daily phone calls ensue.

E. Three months later there would be sex. 

NOTE:  Gal would only share this info with closest girlfriends, as she would not want to be viewed as a “slut” (translation: ho).  Meanwhile dude would secretly be sleeping with sluts because gal would only do missionary.

F. Four months following sex, there would be an engagement.

G. Following six, long, tortuous months of blabbering about bridal showers, bachelorette parties, gift registration drama, honeymoon dilemmas, and non-stop talking about the f#@%ing wedding (breathe), there would be an actual freaking wedding.  

H. Kids.

I. Fifteen years later, half of these couples would divorce and start reading my blog.

 

Easy peasy!  Eight simple steps to matrimony, and a fifty-percent chance of happily ever after.

 

In the 21st Century, with the advent of on-line dating, romance is a whole new ball of wax.  No longer must a girl needlessly attend sporting events in which she has no interest, hang out at bars sucking down calories and throwing down cash.  Gone are the days of going to the gym, libraries, lectures, or jazz concerts at art museums. Jogging, hiking, and yoga – a thing of the past!

Now all a girl has to do to meet the man of her dreams is sit on her lazy ass in front of an old Law & Order repeat, with a pint of Ben and Jerry’s and a cell phone.  Thanks to Tinder and its on-line cousins, there is a whole new model for modern romance:

 

21ST CENTURY DATING PARADIGM:

 A. On any given Saturday night, gal flops on couch in sweats, slippers, and stained Hello Kitty T-shirt, and mindlessly swipes Tinder.

B. Gal aimlessly “Likes” every dude within any realm of possibility, considering getting drunk and not wearing glasses to be an option in a pinch.

C. Gal gets a “Match!”

D. Gal and Tinder dude proceed with standard Tinder text protocol:  “Hi.” “What’s up?” “How was your Saturday night?” etc. (NOTE: Gal lies about her Saturday night.) 

E. From two days to two weeks, gal and dude engage in Tinder text ping-pong. (Duration dependant on how many Tinder chicks dude is juggling at the time)

F. They graduate to real texting on real cell phones.

(NOTE:  Insert possible dick pic – possible sexting – he climaxes – relationship ends  – gal eats Skinny Cow)

G. Three days later, gal and dude talk on phone and hear real voices. 

(NOTE:  At no time does anyone acknowledge dick pic or sexting.)

H. Two nights following, they have first in-person date:  Drinks, hug, and small kiss goodnight.

(NOTE:  Insert possible dick pic – possible sexting – he climaxes – relationship ends – gal eats Skinny Cow)

I. Subsequent texting, with contact every other day. 

J.Gal obsessively tracks dude’s on all forms of social media.  Gal notes another chick whose posts he constantly likes.

K. Gal proceeds to “manic text” with girlfriends.

L.The following weekend gal and dude have second date:  At night’s end, they make out in car or on park bench, depending on city.

(NOTE:  Insert possible dick pic – possible sexting – he climaxes – relationship ends – gal eats Skinny Cow)

M.Gal and dude engage in one week of daily texting, replete with sexual innuendo,  “Good morning!” and “Good night!” messages, and lips, silly-tongue, and heart emoticons.

N.Subsequent date number THREE, couple engages in sexual relations. 

(NOTE:  Possible dude climax – relationship ends – gal eats Skinny Cow)

O. Gal continues to social media stalk, dismayed over dude’s continued liking of other chick’s posts – even after getting balls deep with her.  Gal’s imagination runs rampant.  

P. Gal sees doctor for STD test.

NOTE:  If you are part of 23% of the female population, and the relationship continues, the following will occur:

Q.Gal and dude mutually decide to GO OFF TINDER.  They engage in the Going Off Tinder Ritual.

 

going off Tinder ritual  (gōiNG | ôf | ˈtindər | ˈriCHo͞oəl)

noun

  • modern Homo Sapiens mating custom, generally performed in romantic setting, accompanied by alcoholic beverage, wherein a male and female exchange cellular devices, and simultaneously “delete” the other’s Tinder account. This ritual is generally followed by a kiss, and stupendous sex.

 

  • modern equivalent of “getting a piece of jewelry” once practiced amongst humans in pre-21st century era.

R. Gal returns home; calls mother, sister and all known friends; changes relationship status on Facebook; Tweets, Instagrams, and utilizes all known forms of social media to publicize her completion of the G.O.T ritual.  Experiences 24 hours of fanatical joy. Simultaneously, dude goes home and freaks out.

S. Following day, dude breaks up with gal, goes back on Tinder.  Gal eats Skinny Cow, goes back on Tinder.

NOTE:  If you are 11.5% of the female population, and the relationship continues, the following will occur:

T.Six months following G.O.T. ritual, there is an engagement.

U. Six tortuous long months of bridal showers, bachelorette parties, couples’ camping weekends, honeymoon planning, and non-stop talking about the freaking wedding.

V. Soon after, dude sees friends Tindering while out at bar, remembers fun he had whilst single and Tindering, experiences onset of “Jessica Alba Syndrome.”  (He thinks he can do better then you.  He thinks he can snag Jessica Alba.  He’s wrong.) 

W. Dude ends relationship – gal eats Skinny Cow.

NOTE:  If you are 2% of the female population, and the relationship continues, the following will occur:

X. There is an actual freaking wedding.  

Y. Kids.

NOTE:  Fifteen years later, half of these couples will divorce and buy a different book about whatever dating technology has yet to be discovered in the future.

Z. Return to A.  Repeat. Infinity. 

pcharlottelindsay.com

FB:  P Charlotte Lindsay
IG:   pcharlottelindsay

 

 

Co-Parenting Is Not For Everyone

When I was going thru my divorce,  my ex and I always said the children will come first.. we will always agree on that. Co-parenting…Yes, I believed that fairy tale just like many others.  I believed we would sit next to each other at soccer games and celebrate birthdays together.  I really believed all that…

Fast forward, we now have very different parenting views.  Co-parenting is very difficult for us. The amount of communication between the two of us is minimal.  I know everyone says that you need to co-parent for the children, however in some situations you have to do what is best for you.  We tried to spend birthday celebrations together but it was uncomfortable for everyone and mostly the children. I dreaded every birthday, which I realized was so sad because I love birthdays and I love celebrating my kids birthdays.  The children eventually did not want to even celebrate it together.    

So for the first couple of years after our divorce, I would go along with all the co-parenting and trying to play nice with him.  I would go along with his parenting ideas and discipline for the children. He had an opinion for every decision and strong opinions. This was difficult for my children, since he had never been the one to discipline.  They did not know how to respond or act to his strong strict behavior. They did not understand why they were never given choices or independence.  

I stayed home with my kids when we were married, I was the one that was the disciplinary, and I was the one that handled all of the parenting decisions.  My ex did not have much of an input on any of those areas. I asked him but he would trust my judgement and agree. Unfortunately after our divorce, he was trying to parent our children in such a different style then they had grown up with over the years.  It was more of an authoritative style, which they were not used to. Kinda like you do this because I said so style..without a valid reason why.  

I would let him speak to me however he wanted to me.  I would feel like a failure as a mother when I received emails from him constantly questioning my parenting.  I would receive emails on his strong parenting views that made me question my decisions… why? I am a damn good parent.  I have always stood by my decisions and now I was allowing self doubt. I was allowing this from someone that never wanted an input in our decisions.   I allowed all of this because I felt guilty for wanting the divorce. I did not want to cause additional friction between us and I felt it was best for the kids. I had read all the books and articles on how you need to co-parent…. 

Well thank god I came to my senses… The reason I divorced my husband was because I was not happy.  And I should not feel guilty for that. So I finally realized that trying to co-parent was not working for us.  I realized that I was not going to fake it through birthday celebrations, soccer games, and conferences.  

I realized that doing those activities independently was my choice and I needed that.  I needed to make that decision for me and my children. I wasn’t dreading participating in those activities anymore.  

I wanted to remember all of these moments with my children. I wanted them to remember how fun those times were with them.  I did not want them to remember that they were forced or made to feel uncomfortable. And my kids could see how uncomfortable it was for all of us.  I didn’t want to make them participate in these fake get togethers because the text book said co-parenting is the best.

My children and I have built a great life in the last 5 years and we are really happy. Not just facebook happy, but truly happy.  What I post is us being happy. We have fun together and we like doing things together. They understand that their dad and I have different views on parenting, life, and discipline.  They understand what is expected at each household and that it is different. They understand that people have different views and expectations…. I have learned to let them develop their own thoughts and views on the different households and that works for us.   And I have learned that I need to do what works for our family…

-Snarky

https://www.snarkydivorcedgirl.com/blog

The Love Is Powerful

The love is powerful…..

Just last week, I was spending the day with my family. This is a usual occurrence, and I am always so happy when the day comes around. My relatives all seem to feel the same way as they often mention how much joy this time brings them.

During this particular gathering, my grandmother made a comment about how she’s positive that these family events are one of the things that keep them going. It is no secret that negative human emotions can cause serious health problems. Illnesses such as heart disease, diabetes, and obesity can all be results of anxiety and stress. My question was if positive human emotions that one feels when surrounding themselves with people they love, could have positive impacts on the human body and on human life spans.

I did some research, and I was able to find some scientific facts that could indeed prove that theory. For starters, relationships of love release a certain hormone known as Oxytocin in our bodies. This “love hormone” has been proven to bring us feelings of extreme happiness. That Oxytocin also has the ability to lower hormones such as Cortisol that weaken our immune system. Therefore, these loving relationships can directly lower the rate of sickness. Another proven fact is that people with older age experience less physical pain when they have close family relationships. The more emotional pain they feel, the more physical pain they feel. Along with that, people of older age that are in loving relationships tend to have sharper minds since those relationships have the ability to slow down mental decline over time. All in all, the quality of the close relationships in your life have the power to drastically change your physical and emotional well being.

By surrounding yourself with the people you love, you are proven to be healthier and more importantly, happier.
-Dani <3

Mama Bear

My sweet sweet moms.  Are you the kind of mom who protects her child/ren from all the scary parts of the world?  Are you the kind of mom who wants to take away the pain from your child/ren so they don’t cry any more?  Are you that mom who would fight the dragon to save your child from harm? A mama bear?  Yes!  Yes!  And Yes!!!

Being the mama bear is bred in who we are as mothers.  It is the internal makeup of a mother.  It runs in our blood through our veins to our heart, to our soul, to our gut.  A mothers instinct/intuition/love can not be made, copied or replaced.

Do you have the wisdom to tell when you should step in and when you should not?  Do you have the clarity to notice when you are needed or being manipulated?  Do you have the knowing of good & bad, wrong & right, love & evil?  Are you two steps ahead, are you watching with wise eyes, pressing in when you’d rather give in?

These are the things we as mothers must have in place to raise our children to be strong, independent, successful adults who have the wisdom, clarity and knowing that they saw by watching how we raised them.  We tow the line and they learn.

We say no to our selfish desires, we say no to the things we want when we have ‘needs’, we say no when they ask/cry/beg for something we know is wrong, unacceptable or just not necessary.

It is up to us to be the beacon of light and refuge, the pillar of strength and dignity and the lover of life.

Be strong & compassionate.  Be powerful & kind.  Be brave & full up of love.  Be the Mamma Bear.

xoxo

Your God Gril

Tracy

What Google Doesn’t Tell You About Divorce

I wish I would have had some insight on the entire process before I started my divorce, but I didn’t.  Yes, you can research and google the entire divorce process, however there are many things google can not tell you.

What I wish I would have known…

#1 -If you have kids together, your ex will probably always be in the picture…I wish I would have known that my ex would never go away…I was naive and thought once I was divorced, he would go away. False. I thought that I would be able to just move on with my life and be happy.. hahaha. So false.  And by go away, I thought that we would not have much contact. I guess I never thought about all the communication would still need to have regarding the kids.

Once we were divorced he wanted an input in every decision. We share 50/50 custody with 3 kids so we do have constant contact,  I did most of the decision making and parenting when we were married and now he wanted an input on everything. This was a challenge for me.. from bedtimes, to church, to sports, to school clothes.. he wanted to add his opinion into everything.  I had to really adjust to his input and it was hard.  I didn’t understand why he now wanted to have an input in the kid decisions.

You might start the process out being amicable, however it can change throughout.  There are so many decisions that need to be made.  Now we had children, so there was a lot to decide.  I did not realize how much we would still need to be in contact.

So how do you keep your ex out of your life as much as possible and move on..Set boundaries.  The more boundaries that are set from the beginning, the easier life is for everyone involved.  This included the form of communication we used to dropping off items for the children.  Anything that makes you feel uncomfortable, I would begin to set a boundary or make it a discussion.

#2 -Children Adjust-I spent years worrying about how my children would handle our divorce.. Would our divorce ruin them for life? False. Truth is they were more grown up and understanding than some adults. Each one of them has had their hard times, however most of the trouble has been from different parenting styles and additional people now included.

How did we make the transition as smooth as possible?  Having a set schedule and routine from the beginning will help them adjust. We have had the same schedule for most of our 5 years of divorce.  I fought to not go week to week because my son was still very young and I knew it would not be good for either parent.   One summer, I agreed to go week to week for 3 months. It was the worst decision, my son had a hard time adjusting to the new routine. He would call and cry during the week because he missed me and he would count the days until he saw me.  After that, we went back to our normal routine and I learned that was the best for my children.

Set a schedule from the beginning and stick with it. It makes it easier on the children and everyone involved. My kids always know where they will be and when. We also do monthly calendars and I put them up so my kids know where they will be at all times.  

#3 -Get a good lawyer-Pay the money…Get a good lawyer with references and be thorough. get the best lawyer you can afford. One that has referrals from clients with the similar situation as yours.  Ask anyone in the area that is divorced.  Be as detailed in your divorce as possible. Include hours, dates, summer schedule, right of refusal, holidays, school expenses, health, medicine, college, etc.  I did not have a good lawyer in the beginning, and in the last 5 years my ex and I have gone back to mediation and court several times. This is very stressful, expensive, and affects your entire life moving forward.

It’s hard to move on with life, if you are going back to court and re-evaluating it over and over.  It’s important to set all the details with the children in the beginning.  I should have thought through all these questions before we got into our divorce. Like are you going to rotate Halloween or stick to the normal schedule… who will pay for school lunches… who will pay for special events … all of these questions will come up.  There are so many areas that will need to be included in your decree.  Do your homework and make a list.  After being divorced for 5 years and my kids continue to grow, there are many additional topics that need to be addressed.   Think about your kids in 5 years and what will be important in the future.  The more information that is included in your decree from the start the easier your life will be.  That is a guarantee!!

#4-You will have an adjustment period with your friends.. Your friends might change throughout the process.  The true friends will stick with you..but your life will have many changes.   Throughout your divorce your friends may come and go.. It is hard to know. I would prepare yourself that some friends may not be able to stay in your life due to the situation.

My friends were great throughout my divorce, however there is always going to be ones that you feel more comfortable talking about the emotions and feelings that you are experiencing.   It was also hard to explain the legal process.  It was also hard to ask for advice from individuals that did not have any experience in divorce..

However, Since my divorce my friend circle has changed. I have met some divorced moms that are a great support for me.   These are the ones I can hang out with on my non kid weekends.  These are the friends that I can rant to about my ex.  They get what I am experiencing and can show support.   I love all my friends, but some will just get it more than others. Thats just the truth.

I had days where I wanted to talk to people and others that I did not.  I was always so tired of telling my “story” I just wanted to have a normal conversation with someone I ran into or met for drinks.  If you dont’ feel like talking, then do not.  There is so much more to your life than just your divorce.

I know I have blogged in the past about friendships through divorce, but with life changes sometimes your friends will change.

#5-Be patient with yourself and the process… I thought that once the divorce was finalized everything would be finished.  During the actual year of my divorce, I was so concentrated on finalizing all those details that I did not concentrate on much else.  Once It was finalized, It took a long time to feel normal and content.  I honestly felt like I was living in a bubble that entire year.  When I first got divorced, people would say give it “5 years” and I thought they were crazy.  But here I am  and yes for me it took 5 years.   It took me 5 years to feel so normal and content with my life.

Be patient with all the changes.  Take it slowly and do not rush into anything.  My kids and I have made lots of adjustments to our life over the last few years.  Remember It’s a start to a new life… I love all the changes that I have made but it does take time…

-Snarky

https://www.snarkydivorcedgirl.com/blog

I Took Back My Name

I stepped away from my Father’s name at age 19 with the assumption I would never go back. I took my husbands and proudly  wore it like a badge of honor. Then things went south and there I was with a daily reminder of things gone wrong attached to me like a curse. I thought keeping it was right for my children, gave them a little bit of normalcy of everyone having the same last name, but then I chose to remarry. Throwing a curveball into best laid plans, my new husband wanted me to have his name versus my ex and it made sense at the time. Here I was making the choice to change it again and stray further and further away from my born name. But then like some things do things went sour and here I was with the choice to keep his name or change it.

So I changed it

I took back the innocent, carefree young girl I was. I decided to go back to the beginning and start fresh. I wanted to go back to a time with I had it all figured out and knew what I wanted out of this life. I wanted to simplify and detox my life and I started with my last name. It felt amazing to hold my new ID with my reclaimed identity and the first thing I did was order checks with my new address and reclaimed last name. I did it. I started fresh and I had the checks to prove it! For the first time in a long time I felt whole, like I had it together, like I was me again.

Getting two divorces by age 27 isn’t what I had in mind for my life, but life throws you curveballs and you have to have small victories to get past the big stuff and reclaiming my last name was one of the small victories 2019 brought me. I got my fresh start, I got a chance to start new again in this life and many people don’t get that.  I am proud to rock my dads namesake and I don’t plan on changing it again. I’ll die with my Daddy’s last name.

Serendipity