Category Archives: Relationships

Kiss A Few Frogs

Kiss a few frogs…

Oh girl, I am so proud of you.  Online dating is a huge step.  

And……It can be a lot of fun.

Put your smile on, dress up in that cute outfit you love so much and snap away.  Along with some selfies, be sure to post pictures of yourself doing what you love.  Set the Auto-Timer and snap some more.  And if you have photos with friends, put them up too. (if it’s okay with them).  It’s good for the men out there to see you in your element.

When you get ready to write about yourself, stand strong, wrap your courage & confidence around you like a cozy blanket & come from your heart. Talk about some of the things you like to do, your favorite coffee mug, your best place to put your toes in the sand….anything a little interesting about you that’s fun to share.   Be bold.  Be honest.

If you’re looking for an available man…. he will see your truth when you write from there. 

Look for all that in his profile too.  You want a guy who will say something about himself, but not be all up in his ego, bragging about how great he is.  A guy who has more than two sentences but less than 9 paragraphs.  LOL  A guy who appears confident with what he says without saying “I’m the confident kind”.  

AND be watchful of :

  only 1 or 2 photos

  selfies in bathrooms, gyms and bedroom mirrors

  pictures in/on a bed

  topless pics showing off his guns

And if you don’t like his initial message, or you’re not interested in meeting him, be sure to thank him for writing & wish him luck.  If you want to meet a nice guy, you need to be a nice girl.  And if you want to meet him, there’s nothing wrong with asking him to meet for coffee after a few messages.

Now go meet a few frogs & know your prince is out there.


Your God-girl



Another Day

Another day….

It is Valentine’s Day. Today’s song is a cover of Coldplay’s Yellow by Flor featuring Misterwives. No beverage. I might break into a Diet Dr. Pepper and treat myself.

This day is hit or miss.

I am sorry I am not going to sugar coat this. As someone who was in a bad marriage and an abusive relationship it’s tricky.

And probably not for the reasons you think.

I focus on my daughter.I have tradition… I always get her a card,a Russel Stover’s chocolate assortment and fun socks. I put her gifts out before she gets up.

Then honestly we can go on with our day. This year we test ran a teenage rom com for our weekend movie to get into the spirit and she liked it. 

Hallelujah! My kiddo loves anime which is TOTALLY fine but sometimes Mom needs a change of scenery.

I have never been a member of the Valentine’s Day sucks club and after I had my daughter and started teaching the under four set it definitely was a lot more fun.

But … thanks to social media it can be easy to join the club.

Oh my goodness so easy.

Like how do I get a card?

My ex husband was not romantic. Not even a bit. Which was hard for me.

I didn’t want bells and whistles but it’s hard being a heart on your sleeve lady married to a guy who sees things as numbers.

I don’t want a lot but a little goes a long way. 

Now there are a couple of camps around one’s attitude about all of this. This being Valentine’s Day…

“Celebrate all you have”. You are a strong independent woman. You have a great job. A great kid. Having someone is just a happy add on to an already pretty great life.



Then there is “hey you are going to be alone”. You and a bunch of puppies. With an extensive band T-shirt collection and no one to talk about the Foo Fighters album with.

Well… I do have friends. And my daughter…and I REALLY like puppies like that’s kinda goals. 



“Let’s all get houses next to each other and be modern Golden Girls”.

I mean… wait you’re married how is that going to work?

Or… how about this. We are all trying to figure out what we want and there are days I am that strong independent Mama and I got this and then  there are days I really want someone to hug me and say it’s gonna be ok.

And you know what… that’s ok.

We all have lived different journeys that continue to shape who we are.

Those journeys may mean if I don’t ever see a red teddy bear again I’m solid, but if a Foo Fighters T-shirt and some good coffee appeared on my doorstep I might be engaged the next time you read my blog.

For now I am going to try not to eat my kid’s chocolate, make sure I hit the after Valentine’s candy sale this week and focus on what I have. Besides, my eye makeup is really cute today. 

No tears. 

My wings are sisters not twins. It’s a Valentine’s Day miracle.


Much love Mamas

<3 Caprise

I Changed My Last Diaper

Today I packed away diapers to be donated, I changed my last diaper. I never again will change the diaper of my own child. It is a sobering thought. Suddenly, the baby of the family isn’t a baby. He is a big boy in underwear. 

I did not realize I would take this so hard. I was excited to be out of the diaper game, excited my kids were becoming independent, and excited to watch how they were growing, but then tiny underwear and bras started showing up in my laundry and heart took a beating. I suddenly realized I was not ready as I thought I was. 

I wanted to stop putting baby teeth under pillows, stop the homework game, and stop donating tiny clothes. I want to bask in the scent of a newborn and struggle to find a new normal as I adjust to parenthood, I want to start over. I want my babies back. 

But alas they aren’t really ours, are they? They belong to themselves and we are on borrowed time with them, time that seems to shorten every day. We have a responsibility to raise them to do better and be better than we ever imagined we would be. 

So, I cry. I cry at the ever-changing season of parenthood I’m currently in. Praying for time to slow down but basking in the time I have now. I’ll spend another morning folding little, tiny underwear knowing soon they’ll outgrow them, and I’ll start the mourning process of their childhood all over again. 

Its an amazing experience to raise a child. I am lucky to be raising three. I am in multiple levels of parenthood at same time. But I will never start over, everything I do with my youngest I do for the last time and its heart wrenching but beautiful at the same time. I realize my days of being a parent will never end, but childhood ends, and their needs will differ. I am preparing myself for a future but also enjoying the present. 

Here is to you parents. Out here doing things for the last time. Folding your last onesie, making your last bottle, and changing your last diaper. Have a glass of wine on me and bask in it. You have come so far! There is no going back, but there is a grand future ahead of you full of little underwear, school projects, and independence in your children. 


Things I Dread-Part 2

Things I dread…It is Saturday. I’m debating another soda and a snack. No music as I just finished recording my radio shows.As much as I love music. Sometimes the quiet of our house is what I want.

Like now.

Since getting divorced there are topics I’m not a fan of talking to my ex husband about.It gets uncomfortable. It gets awkward. Like money. As I shared.Or say, dating.

There is a lot of history behind the why.

At the core even though we are not together I still want to be cognizant of how me dating will impact him and my daughter.So to be honest. I don’t tell either of them. I can hear the collective in take here.

I have a really good friend whose Mom got remarried while we were in college. It was a complete surprise. I kinda like that.There are certain pieces of my life that sometimes I don’t want the whole world to know about. At least not yet.

However, in talking to my daughter I’ve realized by not sharing that part of my life with her, she thinks I am missing out or worse and I am really trying to be careful here, thinks that means….I might get back together with her Dad. Which means if I tell her.I have to tell him. Which is hard. 

I have not dated a whole lot.

When I first got divorced I was in a pretty long relationship. The person I was with was someone I had known a good chunk of my life, so it was easy and he respected my decision to keep him separate from my daughter.I’d find out later because he wasn’t ready to be in her life. If at all.

A letter from my ex husband asking for a second chance prompted the topic of me dating. It was awkward as you can imagine.

But I wanted him to understand a few things… our daughter was still my priority, I was in a different place in my life and as horrible as this sounds. We were not getting back together.

I have dated a bit. And have someone but with everything going on my someone hasn’t come up a lot. But at least now I can talk about him to my ex husband. My daughter has met him. Which is huge. 

Again I can hear the intake. There is no manual for this and sometimes you think you’re doing the right thing, only to have the person you think you’re protecting tell you they need to know more about your life.

I get so wrapped up in protecting her. I leave her out.

Now that she is a teenager we have started having some serious talks about things I dreaded her knowing.It’s not all rainbows and lollipops but at least we talk to each other.How lucky am I that we can? That she wants to?

Now for me to work it being less weird with her Dad.

Be safe.

Much love Mommas.

💚 Caprise

Yup, Nope! Not Today

Yup, Nope! Not today..

It is Sunday afternoon I am drinking Diet Pepsi and literally slammed a snack size bag of Cheetos and Oreos. No music. I am listening to my daughter visit with her Dad. I am trying to be calm but if you read what I ate I think you know the level of anxiety he brings.

He is always late for his visits. When he does get here, he stands outside our front porch until somebody lets him in. Today I gave him some updates and reminded him of some appointments and how much everything cost. To which he says “oh … I forgot your check”.I say that’s ok.

It’s not.

But as I mentioned before he hasn’t helped me hardly at all. I don’t trust him to start. It’s hard not to be angry at how little he helps with everything. I texted him asking for our daughter’s dental office number the other day and four hours later he responds with the number and ” I thought your parents handled that.”

When I ask why he doesn’t ZOOM or visit more with our daughter he says because he’s waiting on her. Yup, Nope!

I really try, I  do. I want to get along for our daughter.But he knows what buttons to push and he says he will try but when push comes to shove… yup, nope. That’s Midwest for no. He doesn’t come through.

Which is why we are here.

He didn’t when we were married either. That’s how we got here.

When I was pregnant and we were getting ready for our daughter he didn’t help. Imagine me almost nine month pregnant getting her room ready. Getting the inside and outside of our house ready.I had a hard delivery so we had to stay in the hospital. I reminded him to please clean out your car before you pick us up. 

He didn’t.

It was so bad the nurse wouldn’t let us get in until he cleaned it up.

If you ask him he was always too…



I never did enough.

There are always two sides to every story and the truth is somewhere in the middle.

This is hard.

This is frustrating.

But this is what it is.

And at the end of the day it’s not about me.It’s about our daughter.She’s what matters. So I can continue to try through all of it. No matter how hard it is. And it is.

Let’s be honest, no one gets married to get divorced.All we can is try our best. We have some pretty important people counting on us.

Be safe

Much love Mommas


Dating Post Divorce

Dating post divorce….I have this friend who is recently, finally divorced after a long difficult divorce and traumatic marriage.  She is finally ready to rediscover herself and to start dating again.  She has entrusted me to act as a friend, confidant, and consultant.  During our discussions I have jokingly referred to the fact that a “Dating Post-Divorce” handbook doesn’t exist, so we each have to live our own journeys.  I have relived some of my own awakening in that initial post-divorce period.  I have been able to look back and be proud of the growth I’ve made, the healing I’ve done, and the person I have become.  It seems that the things she and I talk about are common themes amongst all divorcees, so I thought it might be helpful to share with others.  These are things that if a handbook did exist – I wish would be included.


  1. There is bound to be anxiety.

You have survived a marriage that ended, and survived a (maybe painful) divorce.  The thought of doing everything again and FAILING again is difficult to acknowledge and process through initially.  It is ok to be scared.  But try to push through – don’t let the fear keep you from doing things that are important to you.

  1. You don’t have to marry every person you meet, or date.

Dating as an adult with kids is a different ballgame, folks.  You are not obligated to do anything.  Your relationship (or lack thereof) can be anything you want it to be.  Want to be single?  Awesome.  Want to date casually, without strings?  Awesome.  Want to have sexual relationships?  Awesome.  Want to have a committed relationship?  Awesome.  You get to decide what you want, when you want it, how you want it.  Along those lines….

  1. You have power.

One of the most powerful things for me post-divorce was rediscovering myself.  Dating again really helped me to do that.  You have the power to say no.  To start something and not finish it.  The power to speak your truth.  The power to change your mind.  The power to verbalize what you want.  The power to verbalize what you need.  The power to make your own decisions.  The power to control your own body and the choices you make for it.  No one else gets the power to do that for you.  You are in control.

  1. You don’t owe anything to anyone but yourself (ok, and your kids).

You are not obligated to anything for anyone.  See above.  YOU get to make the choices that feel right for you.  Those choices are different for each of us, but we are the ones that have to make them at the end of the day, and own them right choice or mistake.

  1. It’s ok to not know what you want.  

It’s hard initially when you start dating again to figure out what is really important to you.  What you really and truly want and don’t want.  What is a deal breaker and what is flexible.  Along those lines we are told we should “get out there again” soon after divorce, and it feels like everyone is telling us we should be looking for our next husband pronto.  It’s ok to take things one step at a time, and to assess your needs/wants along the way.  As I told my friend….the only question you need to answer after the first date is whether the person you just met is worth meeting again to continue to get to know.  It’s ok to define the relationship as it develops, to continue to float along because your needs are being met and the other person’s needs are being met.  You have the power to pull the plug and move on if those needs are ever not being met.  It’s ok to define the relationship too, if that puts you at ease.  You do you.

  1. Try to let go of expectations.

I’m not sure about you, but this is a hard one for me.  Dating in today’s world is EXHAUSTING at times.  Some of the expectations we carry with us (societal norms, our experience with relationships from those around us, etc.) seem to make that worse.  You don’t have to be anything you don’t want to be, do anything you don’t want to do.  Neither should be person you are getting to know, or dating, have to be anything they don’t want to be, or do anything they don’t want to do.  Mutual respect between two people, and respect for yourself is key.  You can’t force things to happen in a manner you want them to.  Some things work out and some don’t.  You may get ghosted; you may find the love of your life.  Let things develop and see where they go, without the expectation that it will be anything in particular.

  1. We all come with baggage.

Mine comes in the package of trauma and anxiety from an emotionally abusive relationship.  I had processed a lot, healed a lot by the time I started dating.  But I have had so so much to learn about myself.  My trauma and anxiety have reared their head when least expected in a relationship, and I have had to battle them.  Learn from them.  Learn when my feelings are an old response, or triggered by my past.  Learn when I can trust my gut and when I can’t.  The person you are dating may have baggage too.  Treat theirs in the manner you hope yours is treated, with patience and respect for them.

  1. We ALL make mistakes.

What’s important is what we learn from them.  The same concept we teach our kids applies to us too.  That leads us to….

  1. Be patient with yourself and kind to yourself.

This is a learning process.  At times it seems fast, at times slow.  At times you know what you want, at times you don’t.  At times the stress is high, at times the savoring and enjoyment of life is prominent.  Wherever you are at, whatever your choices, be patient with yourself and kind to yourself.  You would do the same for others.

Happy Dating,


Am I Parenting Right?

As a parent you just do not know if you are parenting ‘right’… it starts when they are babies, then moves to toddlers, then continues right through the school years and teen years.   And here I am.. Knee deep in the teen years.  

A couple years ago, I started to go through giving my oldest daughter some independence.  I have always given my kids some freedom and independence until I felt they could not handle it.  It’s a definite struggle to just step back a little and give them more and more independence.   

I remember when my oldest started staying up later and later, I knew eventually she would have to figure it out that she would need more sleep.  Eventually, she realized that if she wanted to make it through the day with school and practice, she would need to not stay up late watching netflix.  

And now I am going through my middle daughter trying to gain herself some independence.  And this has been the biggest test for me.  I have realized that all of my children are so different.  It just boggles my mind, how really different they can be.  So here I am thinking, well my oldest daughter handled it, I am sure she will be fine also.  News to me… 

I have learned that they both handle independence and responsibility very different.  And it has been a definite learning curve. I feel like I am tested daily with this one.  My oldest was motivated by getting to be with her friends.  She is very social and enjoys sleepovers and hanging out with them.  If I ask her to do something or follow certain rules, she does it because she gets to see her friends.  

Then we have my middle child…. She is very smart and school comes easy for her.  She is content being at home and does not ask to do much.  She loves her netflix and watching tv.   A couple months ago, she asked to switch to complete distance learning and we agreed with some expectations.  I thought this would be a good test at some independence.  We gave her six weeks and then we would evaluate how it was working.   It was a complete shit show… missing assignments, missing classes, and grades falling.  

So, we discussed that after Christmas she would need to return to hybrid.  Now, it should not have been a complete shock to her because the weeks leading up to this conversation, we discussed her grades and missing assignments, along with the importance of getting them in.  

It is the day she is suppose to return to school and she just doesn’t go.  I tried all of my tactics and bargain tools, nothing worked.  Now, with my oldest, taking her phone away would have done the trick.  I am pretty sure that the words “boarding school” came out of my mouth.  I might have even mentioned that the principal might show up at our house… good god, I sounded like my mother 30 years ago, I was rambling… and my daughter knew none of those things would happen.  

I do not even know why I was trying, I knew how strong willed she was…and I knew when she made up her mind it was stuck.  

And now she has still not returned to in-person school.  Of course, she is doing her learning still from her bedroom and of course, she is actually getting up on time, but she will not return. I have tried everything to get her to go back to school and she just will not do it.  She has no phone, no tv, or no electronics.  I am sure her friends wonder what happened to her….but she seems to not care.  She is ok with the consequences.  

And so here I am, still in awww on what to do.  I have asked my friends, I have read numerous articles, but still everyday I am wondering if I am doing it right. I wonder if I am not doing enough or doing too much.. Should I just give in or should I have more consequences.  Honestly, its a gamble. And I am sure 20 years from now, we will laugh about it.   

And the reality is, each of my children are so different.  They function so differently.  Just when I think I have them figured out, another curve ball.  And I am stuck thinking… how many more years until I finally figure it all out….


The Little Things

The little things….it is Sunday morning. I’m drinking peppermint coffee. I’m trying something new. Flavored coffee. So maybe, I’ll put less milk and sugar in my coffee because I’m actually lactose intolerant and am stubborn.  I’ve been drinking my coffee this way since I was twelve. Sadly at 49 my body is like hey lady slow your roll on the dairy.

But I digress…

Music is Rod Stewart. Sir Rod turns 77?! as I write this, my favorite Maggie May is on in the background.

I started to write last week about things that are hard to talk about with your ex. Last week was money and I have a few more, but I had to share a mini miracle.

My daughter is a new teenager. She turned thirteen in June and me being me I bought all the books and neatly stacked them on my bookshelf unread. 

I have watched friends with teen daughters ride the roller coaster and me being me I was scared. 

I mean I mess up a lot.

A whole lot.

So far, aside from a few hiccups and honestly what I consider pretty standard stuff. We’ve been fine. I do enjoy getting told to leave when I’ve overstayed my welcome in her room. I also find a lot of joy in singing Van Halen Is This Love at the top of my lungs near her and what Mom doesn’t break out in dance in front of her daughter when her favorite band is on?

But I also put everything down when she comes to talk to me.

I let her know the days I’m working from home, my schedule and what meetings she will bust in on. 

I tell her I love her all the time.

All the time.

I’m proud of her.

I ask her how she’s doing.

I am slowly feeling more comfortable answering questions I hoped she wouldn’t ask.

I will be honest I was not so great at this before and I still am not. But I recognize I need to try to be.

I recognize we have a long journey ahead but I am trying to build a strong foundation.

Yesterday I got handed a brick.

I’m writing bills and she sits on the side of my bed which I use as my desk sometimes and tells me when she is eighteen she wants a tattoo.

She explains what and where.

As she’s talking she slides onto my bed and leans into me and puts my arms around her.

She starts asking me about my tattoos, what they mean. Did they hurt? 

What do I think?

We talk a bit longer.

I kiss the top of her head and then she says thanks Mom and leaves.

Just like that… she’s thirteen again.

I go in before bedtime and tell her good night and say thank you for asking me about all of this.

She says “well of course Mom. You’re my Mom”.

It’s the little things.

Be safe

Much love Mommas


A List Of Things I Dread -#1

A List of Things I Dread

Number 1:

First Happy New Year Mamas!

We made it….

Thank goodness.

It’s Sunday night and I have sufficiently procrastinated. My new co- writer by my side, although my furry sidekick is asleep. I’m munching on Starburst Sour gummies. Ever since my solo trip to California and being introduced to a sour gummy candy bar provided for the musicians, I always have some on hand.

Music today NEEDTOBREATHE: Banks.

It calms me down.

Tomorrow I go back to work which is not a worry but at some point next week I need to talk to my ex husband about our daughter.

Specifically that she will be going to a therapist. 

AND that he will have to pay half.

Money is a tough topic anyway.

With anyone, but someone who you aren’t married to anymore.

Who when you were married kept a spreadsheet of the money he did give you.


Here’s the thing. If he can’t or won’t help I can figure it out. I always do. The deal is he is supposed to help.

Which he sporadically does. 

And here’s the thing: it is fine. 

Because again I will figure it out.

I always do.

But what it is how he makes me feel. 

How he has always made me feel.

That he forgets when we met he was unemployed, a college drop out. I was working three jobs trying to pay off my two degrees.

I found him a job, put him through college.

When I left he wrote me a check let me fill up a U- haul and told me I made this choice.

He wouldn’t divorce me for years. So I couldn’t get aid or insurance. 

When he would come pick our daughter he would walk in my apartment and sit down and talk to me about his job and how much money he was making. The women he was dating. 

Finally one day at the urging of my friends I told him he can’t keep doing that.

The fight that followed was so bad that after that every time he came to my apartment my neighbors would make sure they were around.

Flash forward we have been officially divorced for nine years.

But I have had similar incidents. An unfortunate phone call from the lobby of my workplace. A co-worker walking in on him yelling at me.

Veiled threats about taking me to court knowing financially I can’t fight him. 

To the point I now own a house with my parents. They are my buffer.

My anchor. My shield.

All of this is I’ve held onto and I am not even sure I should put it here.

But everyone thinks they know the choices you make. 

Sometimes you let them believe it, it’s easier.

Two years ago I confronted him about an incident with my daughter he lied about, the next thing I know he has a lawyer.

All I want.

All I have ever wanted is a co-existence that is best for my daughter.

I want to be able to just say hey…and have a discussion.

Instead I have to worry.

Should I have asked first.

Do I just pay for it?

I mean the guy on our divorce agreement changed half of college tuition to state college… to save money. 

Will this make things bad again. Especially now that we seem to be at a place of calm. 

So… I am dreading this.

Asking for money.

For help.

Even though he is supposed to.

So this as a single Mom is something I dread.

Talking about money.

In the coming weeks I will add to the list.

Send good juju.


Be safe.

Much love Mamas.


Sweet Sixteen

Last week was my daughter’s 16th birthday…It’s her sweet sixteen and its just the beginning of more independence, more letting go, more compromise, and more trust…and still embracing it all…

I struggled all week, because she is growing up. I must have asked her a million times what she wanted to do for her birthday.  All she wanted to do was go out to dinner with her friends after practice.  At first I was crushed… how could she not want to spend her birthday dinner with her family.  How could she not want to spend it with me and her 2 siblings… haha.  

So, I graciously agreed to let her go to dinner with her friends.  I will not lie..It felt a little sad to have dinner at home with just my other two children on her birthday.    But I offered to pay for her and her friends, as long as I got one picture of them all together. And after she got home, we celebrated with cheesecake and presents.  In the end, it was her day, so I let her celebrate it how she wanted.  And she thanked me numerous time for letting them go to dinner that night.  

I came to grips with it by the end of the week..but watching your kids grow up and gain more and more independence is painful.   When they are little, we just make all the decisions for them… from the birthday party theme to the guest list to the cake to the games… It all centers around our decisions.  As they get older, I have to remember to let them make some decisions.  And I have to remember that it might not be what I want…

And besides her birthday, I have been going through months of driving lessons.  Months of griping to the side of the car door, months of gasping for a breath, and months of wondering if people ever die with student drivers….Months of saying the words “slow down”..Months of letting her get in a car with her friends that already have their license.  I am not sure what is worse… her driving or her being the passenger with her friends…

And this summer when she wanted to go to a beach about an hour away with her friends driving..   I did not want to let her go, I was so worried, I was a wreck most of the day.. But I made her call me when she left, call me they got there, and call me on the way home.  Maybe a little overboard, but hearing her voice throughout the day, made me be a little more sane that day.  I had to learn to trust her and this is how you do it.  But I guess that is what we do… we give them little bits of independence and see how they can handle it. 

And now its christmas, and she does not want to “hang out” with the family as much.  She is starting new traditions with her friends… going to look at Christmas Lights with her group, baking cookies with them, and exchanging gifts.  

And she keeps bringing up going on a girls weekend this summer… YIKES!!  And then I remember that my parents let me go with my friends to look at colleges when I was 16.  And then that hits me…College… what the hell! 

She is registering for her junior year of school, along with looking ahead to her senior year.  She is starting to think about what she wants to do after highschool.  And I am thinking where did the time go.  Will I maybe only have 2 years left with her at home… 

How do I handle all the independence and freedom?  And embrace all the things that you want to explore?  

I guess I still cherish the moments that you want to spend with us.  I have learned to enjoy the 10 minute car ride to target.  I have learned to enjoy the 5 minutes you pop in with your friends in between practice and a sleepover.  I love that you still watch grey’s anatomy and we can talk about it over and over again.  

I have learned to let go of those mornings that you are so crabby I can not even look at you..and 10 minutes later you come upstairs and act like nothing happened.  

I have learned that I pick and choose what I “make” you do with us…. I compromise. I compromise over and over again.  

I give more independence. I trust. I compromise. I let go. And I watch over you again and again…