Category Archives: Lifestyle

Learning To Love My Time Alone

I am really learning to love my time alone…The last couple weeks, I have really started to enjoy hiking more by myself. Last summer, I would spend many nights hiking at the state park and I started to really enjoy it. Now that the weather is nice again, I have started my nightly hiking. This time, I have made a point to go by myself. I honestly am really starting to just enjoy this time.   In addition, I just bought my state park sticker for the year and I plan to try new day trips with just me…. No friends, just me.

This is a time that I can use to clear my head and my thoughts…and there is a lot going on in my head most days.   It is just peaceful and I am very content. I have many friends and can easily go hiking with another person, however I choose to do these things alone. I am not sure if its independence or I am just more content being alone.

It took me a few years after my divorce, to start doing activities alone. You basically have to start from scratch after being married for 13 years. I had to start watching TV alone, shopping alone, walking alone, eating alone… and it was hard to learn to do all of those things alone again. You have to really push yourself to do these things.

And many times you just don’t feel comfortable doing them. But then, I really started to enjoy that time alone…and then it turned into me looking forward to that time.   And now after 5 years, It is a new feeling of happiness and contentment. I could really go on and on about learning to do things alone and not feel lonely. It’s a hard thing to overcome.

There is a difference between finding things to do to fill your alone time and planning things you love to do alone. What I am saying is that… after my divorce, I would find things to do to fill my time alone. I think many of us go through that period. And now I actually plan things to do alone.

I actually plan activities to do alone. I plan nights to hike alone. I plan projects to do at home alone. I plan these activities for myself just as if I was doing them with a group of people. I actually plan them ahead of time rather than dreading doing them alone.

Church is probably one of the most rewarding things that I have learned to do alone. This year, I joined a new church and I started going by myself when I do not have my kids. This was a huge step for me. At first I thought, people are going to think I am a complete loner…and then I realized there are many people that go to church alone. I learned that this was one of the most rewarding times of my week. Honestly, I would now pick going to church alone anyday.

I have done many small home improvements at my house. Very small improvements, which mostly include painting the entire house. But I have learned that I love to find little projects and see them through by myself. I am just more gratified from starting and completing the project by myself.

I know some people find doing things alone, scary or uneasy… I get it. I still have many friends that can not walk into a restaurant alone. For some of us, like myself, it is easy to do activities, hobbies, projects, by ourselves. We are the people that would pick a 3 hour car ride by ourselves over a road trip with 5 friends.

I think I have just learned to be really content with my life and surroundings. I have no problem now choosing to do something alone over maybe with friends. It does take time…it took me a long time to get to this point, but I really enjoy it now.   I embrace this time alone.

-snarky

www.snarkydivorcedgal.com

What Is Your Comfort Food?

Comfort food can bring you right back to your childhood in one simple mouthful.  My son LOVES my Pastina and Mac & Cheese and any time he is feeling a bit ‘off’ he’ll ask me to make it, …even still at 23, it brings him comfort.  It just makes everything better.  Home made soup does that for me.  There’s nothing like it!!  Sure these foods taste good, but they represent a warming of the heart as well.  It reminds me that there is so much love in a small spoonful of deliciousness.

 It’s probably the same thing as a nice cup of hot tea before bedtime, or the red jelly beans that have a burst of cinnamon, or a small cup of Dairy Farm ice cream on a hot summer day.  

What foods bring you comfort?

What do you save for your “Eat Anything” day?  What do you buy when you have a few extra dollars to spend?  How do you treat yourself with food?

As much as it can be comfort food, it can take over if you let it.  One piece of pizza can easily become the whole pie, one spoonful of Mocha Almond can turn into a pint that never makes it’s way back to the chilly place it came from, and one chocolate chip cookie…well that can turn into a whole row of them.

Be watchful!  Be aware when you’re in need of comfort food. Make sure you’re not filling a void of some sort.  THAT is NOT the time to turn to the foods that you LOVE.  It could though, be the time you call your girlfriends, your mom, your sister.  A time to share your heart, your moments of silliness and accomplishments from the week.  

Reconnect to the people that bring you comfort just as much as those foods.  Let the food and the love nurture you. 

 

xoxo

Your God-girl

Tracy

Pandemic Cooking

Pandemic Cooking

A long long time ago, in another life I was in the restaurant business. I was the general manager for a 75 seat family restaurant in Maine. I was never  formally trained as a cook but learned by fire. If a cook didn’t show up to work, I was the one that took his place for the night. And the only thing my mother taught me about cooking was that the base seasonings of a spaghetti sauce were BOG – basil, oregano, garlic.

What I did learn in the restaurant was how to follow a recipe, and how to time food in the oven so everything came out hot at once.  Those two things alone have served me well in the past 30 years. 

During the shutdown, one of my forms of entertainment is to watch cooking shows and YouTube videos on cooking. I know I’m not alone in this guilty pleasures so, I thought I’d highlight some of my favorite resources.

I’m going to include links to all the YouTube channels, so if you want, you will be able to find the websites from there. 

The first is Yummly  a place to go for a more traditional recipe collection. Usually their videos are quick, annotated and very informative.

Yummly

https://www.youtube.com/user/Yummly1

Laura Vitalli  is a wonderful personality and very Italian. She also is very traditional,  but with a touch of flair and very talented.

Laura in the Kitchen

https://www.youtube.com/user/LauraVitalesKitchen

If you are vegetarian or vegan, this next site is for you. Sam, is a very creative chef and she recreates traditional recipes into delicious vegan meals.

Doesn’t Taste Like Chicken

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCJ_ApOQf6aH3Te2oYvQLH5w

Now we come to my newest best friend, my Instant Pot. This is a modern day pressure cooker that will cook food faster than seems logical. It also allows me to dump ingredients all at once into a pot and walk away only to return in what seems like minutes to a fully cooked meal. Baked potatoes in 15 minutes, perfect cooked hard boiled eggs in 10 minutes that peel better than I have been able to cook in 30 years. Tonight I cooked frozen chicken along with rice in 25 minutes while I did other things. It was a simple dump and go. Here are two sites that will convince you to run out and buy your own Instant Pot tomorrow.

365 Days of. Pressure Cooking

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCg87IKiPr7gQ_fHqmaOuMGQ

Six Sisters Stuff

https://www.youtube.com/user/SixSistersStuff

I hope you find some new favorite recipes, or at least have a nice distraction from our current situation.

~Steve

Life Before Quarantine

What life was like before??  It’s funny… but at times it’s hard to remember that it has only been a little over a month since our quarantine began.  It almost feels as if the last month has turned into the norm.  I wonder if I’ll be able to go back m to my “old” life.. 

There have been some hard days in the last month,  when I have felt very defeated and did not accomplish what I needed..  But when I look back to my life two months ago, I wonder how I did it all.

I was getting up every morning by 5 working out at a gym, getting the kids to school, going to my job, then after work I would pick up kids from school, run to activities for hours, and then get home after 8pm… and If I did not have my kids, I would work my second job.  There was no down time. Our schedule was packed every day. And I didn’t mind it.  It was just how life was…we were like a lot of families.  

And now I get up around 7, I go to the kitchen to start my workday, then I get the kids set on doing their schoolwork.  I teeter back and forth all day with working and helping the kids with what they need. My evenings are filled with walks or just hanging out with the kids.  And a lot of nights, I’m laying in bed by 8 pm, watching tv or reading. 

There are no kid activities or running from place to place at night.  My life has a completely different feel.  We are learning to move at a different pace. And I must admit I’m starting to really enjoy it. 

This was one of the first Easter Sunday’s that my kids and I did not rush to church to then drive an hour to my family’s house each way.  As much as I missed seeing my family. I was very content and happy being at home. We wore our pajamas and sweatpants… The kids and I made dinner, had an Easter egg hunt, watched movies, and just hung out.  It was really true contentment.

At times,  I think maybe this was a sign that my life was too busy and I needed a change.  I hated feeling so rushed trying to get from work to school pick up to sports.  We tried not to live like that, but at times the constant rushing took over.    I don’t miss every minute of my day being planned out… and I’m a planner by habit.

So it’s hard for me to realize I’m ok with this… I have always planned everything out day by day and week by week.  And now we plan very little. The first couple weeks were hard for me.  I did not know how to handle not having any real commitments.  It would make me anxious thinking that we had nothing planned. I wondered what I would do without anything to do.  

What would I do with all this time???  

And then it all started to fall into place.. We don’t live minute by minute on a strict schedule anymore.  I guess I really enjoy just having the flexibility of our life.. 

We can sleep in 5 minutes longer on some days,  we can decide to eat dinner at any time, or we can go for an extra mile on our walk.  

Summer will be here soon and as much as I miss the sports and activities, part of me is really looking forward to a slower summer.  A summer of enjoying our time at home.  We can sit outside late at night and have bonfires, we will not be at the soccer field until 9pm and eating dinner in the car. 

I have an extra minute now for all of those questions my kids are constantly asking me.  I think myself and my kids have all learned to just take extra time for ourselves.  We move at a slower pace and we take more time for each other.  Enjoy it!! 

-snarky 

https://www.snarkydivorcedgirl.com/blog

The Pictures In My Mind

  Sometimes I paint pictures. Not real pictures. I am not artistically inclined with drawing or painting. But, I do create images in my head. Images of how I think things should look or be. Some of those images have been instilled in me from childhood, things that should be normal, some are new images, and some are blurry images.
  From childhood, I had these pictures in my head of what my adult years would look like. The  family that I would have, what my home would look like, even small details such as decorations and landscaping. I’m learning, though, that those images I have to let go of. Because those images are not my reality. My reality is very different than the images in my head that I have created so many years ago.
  My reality is that I do things with my children. Alone. I take care of, and raise my children. Alone. I give my children advice, words of encouragement, and discipline. Alone.
  Don’t get me wrong, there are many people that speak truth into my children, offer advice, and words of encouragement. But the primary responsibility falls on my shoulders, and mine alone. That was my choice. I chose to walk this path by myself. And most days, I’m fine. Most days I could not be more thankful for the choice I made to walk this path.
  But today, it was different. I was able to steal away time with my precious kids, who are getting older, more independent, and are beginning to need me less, and I was able to take them individually to do something that they enjoyed. Which is amazing. We normally are so busy doing things together, that the precious moments I am able to connect with them on an individual basis mean so much to me, and I hope to them. Today, it hit me like a ton of bricks that the picture I have in my head of what a family looks like is something that is so very different than what my reality is. And while our time together was so needed and so fun, there was this empty place that took my breath away.
  For whatever reason, today, I wanted a counter part with me while I was taking my kids on our outings. I desperately wanted someone with me to do life with. I know I am capable of raising my kids, providing for them, and making and creating life and memories with them. But there was a void tonight. A void that I don’t think my children felt, but I felt it. I felt it in a big way. For me, while it was great spending time and doing fun activities with my kids, I couldn’t help but wonder, how many more outings will it be just me taking my kids on? How many vacations will it be just my children and I? I know I don’t need a counter part, I am capable of doing things alone with my children and we have a great time. But that pesky image I have in my head of what things should look like, sometimes creeps in and makes me a bit anxious. Sad even at times.
  After the outings that I went on with my kids, we got home, and all I could do was sit in my room and cry. I really don’t even know why I was crying. I was just really feeling the loneliness that has been there for many years. Because even when I did have a partner, I was still alone. It was still my kids and I doing things. I think I felt that sadness because that’s been the norm for our family and it’s not a norm that I wanted or that they wanted. Or maybe it’s just me, in my head. Holding on to that image that I painted so many years ago.
  I know those moments of sadness will creep in every now and again. I know I will feel those moments of sadness. And it’s okay to feel it. It’s okay to acknowledge it. And it’s okay to move on from it. Which, is what I am doing. We are a family, even if it doesn’t match the pictures in my head. Because let’s face it, many of the pictures we create in our head doesn’t match our reality. And it’s okay.
~R~

Oh, Pan”damn”ic!

Do you see what I did there?  Let’s be really real about this pandemic, maybe whine a little, then we will take a step back and talk some self care.  Being a single mom is a giant juggle when life is “normal”, but now here we are thrown this curve ball we could have never seen coming.  By now we have become absolute rock stars when it comes to dealing with the unexpected. Right? I am sure we don’t all have fantastic involved exes, super understanding bosses, flawless children, and unending support financially, and emotionally.  As single working mothers we put on our capes every morning (because like a bra we do not wear them to bed) and we take whatever the day throws at us with flexibility, strength, and probably a little bit of sarcasm.  

This pandemic reminds me of the first season of Stranger Things when Eleven makes her escape.  She doesn’t understand the rules to outside life and she is very awkward with people and how to act.  I feel ya girl, pandemic has me with so many questions. So we cant see our loved ones outside of our house?  Ok I definitely respect that-lets flatten this s$#t right out of here. We are staying home in our yard with just our humans and fur human, but of course I am taking a thousand pics or “it didn’t happen”.  I am almost frightened to post online because Susan might share me to the community page with some “oh my gawd” tagline. In this fake scenario I also have some snide response to Susan such as, “hey lady, you don’t have my 7 year old son who just drove two nails through my kitchen floor while I was on a work call.  I told him if he didn’t go outside and run in my fenced in backyard he would sleep on the deck”. But alas I work as a public figure and realize this can’t play out like this. Instead Aunt Bonnie in Florida can’t boost my self esteem with her likes online because I don’t post. I know what you are thinking, “just text her…”, ok fine, maybe I will.

Next, don’t you love how most people who are not single moms think their request is the only one on your plate?  Me too, it’s the comedy of life during the Rona. Juggling work expectations, while teaching your kids, and I am sure some of you moms are also taking classes, or have more than one job etc.  Mandatory 9am work zoom call, while my 9 year old needs to check in on zoom in order to not be marked absent on our one device? Sure, but now let’s also add the 7 year old having an epic tantrum over compound words and the dog just hurled her breakfast up.  By 4pm I would like to tag any other healthy human in for an hour so I can finally finish that client email I started at 8am before the work zoom call started. This is when the fenced in backyard comes into play and I can prep one of the 6 daily meals my kids now need to eat.  By the time it gets to working on my own studies I am passed out on the couch 5 minutes into some Channing Tatum movie I have seen a thousand times.

We also have to speak about these big emotions!  Holy hell, the tantrums, the crying, the snapping, the anger, and then right into happiness.  I am talking about me here. It happens to my kids too, but mostly me. Where do these big emotions come from?  Is it trauma leftover from previous relationships? Is it my need to control or have a plan for the future? Is it because before all of this I hated that stupid Groundhog movie and never wanted to live it?  My extrovert self doesn’t know how to be confined to 2 people, and a goofy Great Dane. My profession is helping others, all day long! Not to mention my peers at work and in class, and everyone who I can’t see everyday but reaches out via technology.  So much of my sarcasm and charm is going to waste due to the Rona. One thing is for sure this pandemic reminded me I am still human too, who needs self care.

I have been keeping a list of some 5 min (or more if you can swing it) self care items that have been helping me to push the reset button, check myself before I wreck myself kinda thing.  I know everyone has a different situation but take a peek and see if any of these will work for you.

 

  1. Headphones- pop those bad boys in and turn the music way up.  I like doing this while I make dinner, usually the witching hour gets to me, the whining ick.
  2. Shower- I find my shampoo bottles great counselors, my loofa knows all the things I should have said during that last argument.  My body wash has never told anyone how many times I have cried for a few min.
  3. Zoom- do not use the link you use for work.  But do make a wine/whine night with your friends.  Cards with Humanity is online and if you don’t mind things a little racey I highly recommend it.
  4. Get outside- Be smart about it ladies but nothing turns a frown upside down quite like some Vitamin D.  Take your allergy meds though so you don’t have a panic attack when you get a sniffle.
  5. Laugh- I know I made my kid sound like a pain in the ass up there, but truth be told he is hilarious with his one liners and use of sarcasm.  Good thing too. Find your “thing” to laugh about.
  6. Watch something besides paw patrol- Seriously Channing helps me, as does the Office.  Sometimes I am not even really watching it but it feels less lonely having the tv on.
  7. Stay in touch- Call your friends or facetime them.  Making those personal connections is so helpful. Don’t forget to ask your other single mom friends if they have eaten today.  
  8. Make plans- Even if they are down right ridiculous, having something to look forward to helps.  Whether it is fancy friday in your own house (while you wash all those pjs you’ve been living in), or the above mentioned zoom wine night this really helps stay focused through the nuances.  
  9. Do something safely selfish- I told my daughter to watch youtube and learn to bake cakes, because well, I like cake.  I am telling a half truth, she isnt the little red hen, I of course helped her.
  10. Seek support- if your feelings are in a scary place reach out.  Mental health counselors are doing teletherapy, and resources are safely available.  Your kid’s schools will probably have a community resource list if you are unsure where to start.  Reach out to their school counselor, they are fabulous people.

Hang in there ladies.  This is super new to everyone.  Even though the pandemic is very serious, if we are practicing safe healthy habits, I don’t see why a little sarcasm and grace can’t get us through. 

Go easy on yourself.  

Choose your battles with your kids, most days my son stays in his pjs all day, and my daughter spends a lot of time on facetime.  Safely reach out and stay connected and make time for self care.

 

~ @almostdrmompsyd

https://almostdrmompsyd.wordpress.com/2020/04/08/oh-pandamnic/

Our Normal Routine Getting Flipped Upside Down

I am a routine person true and true… I do not handle abrupt change well so needless to say this last few weeks have been extremely hard.  I went into the week with everything planned and scheduled, by Friday everything was chaos.  No routine, no schedule, just a lot of unknowns.  

Let’s start with my career, I work in hotel sales. Thursday, March 12th, is when it all started to unravel for us…  We were going into back to back sold out weekends and then the coronavirus began to hit. In a matter of hours, it seemed like the world had changed…Hundreds of hotel cancellations had came thru, concerts cancelled, the NHL postponed… St Patrick’s Day activities were all put on hold. What started out as a typical Thursday had ended as one I will never forget.  It just escalated the next week with having to furlough most of our employees. I still feel at times I’m just living in a dream… 

That just transpired into my home life with sports cancellations, play dates postponed, stores closing,  and then the announcement of online learning would begin. So many abrupt schedule changes… and before that Thursday my biggest worry was having to get one kid to cheer and one to soccer at the same time..

Fast forward a few days.. The kids have now started distance learning and I’m working from home.  So much to process with changing schedules and all activities coming to a complete halt. It was complete overload.  I have a hard time making an instant transition when it’s not pre-planned.   

So here we are the first day in and I’m just a mess… I’m a creature of habit. I get up at 5:20 each day  go to the gym before work, come back and get ready… here I am with all gyms closed. I scrolled thru you tube for workout videos and there is about a million to choose from…which gives anyone a migraine. 

So instead I skipped working out for today, stayed in my pjs, ate chips while I worked from the couch.  By 4 pm, felt defeated and so overwhelmed with all the changes. I was crabby at my kids all day and yelled at them numerous times for the smallest things. It finally got to a point where my daughter said, “ why are you so crabby” nothing seemed to feel normal or in order. 

I think it was a lot of the abrupt changes and disruption to my normal schedule. I decided that night that I needed to get back on track. No one knew how long we would all be together and I would not survive without sticking to some sort of routine.  

The most important thing for me was still getting up and exercising. So starting the next day, I would be up by 6:30 and go for a 3 mile walk or run.  It felt like an accomplishment and some what normal. I also added in another short walk at the end of the day. I then get ready for the day and listen to a podcast, the same as if I was driving into the office.  

The distance learning is still a challenge for me and will take some time to get into more of a groove. I try and stick to the school schedule but with working from home and many interruptions it doesn’t go as planned. Honestly, if it says optional we skip it.  I have enough going in life right now without trying to be the overachiever teacher.  

I’m learning just do small things through out the day that keep it as normal as possible. Exercising, organizing, making a to do list, are all things that have kept me in as much as a normal routine as possible.  

I don’t make my kids do every activity that is sent out by their teachers… we do the best we can and we get through it.  We take it day by day… 

-snarky

https://www.snarkydivorcedgirl.com/blog

Don’t Beat Yourself Up Over Weight

All I need to do is lose 5 lbs of weight, I am only drinking alcohol on weekends,  I am going to drink a glass of lemon water before each meal, I am only going to eat lettuce for lunch yep, these are the things I would tell myself over and over again every Sunday Night for the last couple years.  

About 6 years ago, I lost over 40lbs from a weight loss program.   I was finally at a weight that I was comfortable with maintaining. I had gained tons of self confidence and felt great about myself.  I was 100% committed to losing the weight and it was a top priority for me.  

I knew that I would have to move into the maintaining phase once I hit my goal weight.  However, maintaining that goal weight was even harder than losing the weight. I had to still follow the program and it was really tough. It’s even harder than losing because this was now my life. 

So, over the last couple years I have gained about 10 lbs of my weight back.  However, every week I would struggle with trying to get my body back to that magical number that I was at when I hit my goal.  I stressed over this….every week I would try to get back on the wagon and by Wednesday I would fall off. It affected how I left about myself and my self confidence.  I would beat myself up over it all week. 

And then I realized that  I just wasn’t 100% committed to being at that magical number as I had been years ago.  It was an unrealistic goal for me. I will probably never get back to that weight… why? Because right now I like to enjoy myself.  I like to have a drink some nights. I like to have pizza with my kids, and I like cake. I am running kids everywhere and my lifestyle has changed.  

However, what it comes down to is this… back then weight loss was a top priority for me and now… I have other priorities.   It does not mean I can not do it, however It would have to be the top priority for me in my life. Back then, I would have spent hours meal planning and prepping for the week.  Today, I spend hours shopping with my teenagers, running to sporting events, socializing with my friends, and writing about my life…it’s all about priorities and what’s important to you. 

I realized I could beat myself up for it every week or just come to terms. I was not putting in the work needed to reach that goal each week.  I had to be realistic and not expect to magically lose a lb each week when I was not following my eating plan. Especially when my dinner consisted of popcorn and wine.  Weight loss is hard and you do not magically lose weight without a consistent plan and a lot of self control. I had to finally be real with myself.  

I am happy with my life and my body.  I am healthy and I still workout every day.  I think I have mentioned before about how exercise is just part of a routine for me, so that is routine in my life.  However, I set little realistic goals to keep me satisfied with where I am at…like starting to drink water before each meal or I started not eating after 8pm during the week.  

I added in these small little goals each week and that made a huge difference.  I was proud of accomplishing those instead of setting unrealistic goals of losing so many lbs every week.   

I am not at that magical number on the scale and that is ok. I have a range that I continue to stay between and that works for me.  I have learned to not beat myself up every Monday morning because of what I indulged in over the weekend. I have learned to be happy with how I am and enjoy my life.  

-Snarky

https://www.snarkydivorcedgirl.com/

Alexa, Please Help Me With Mornings!

“Alexa, wake me up at 6:45”

My 8 year old son snuggles up to his stuffed dog while I tuck him in.

It’s the first night back to a bedtime routine since winter break. Everything is peaceful; it’s not even 8PM.

Rewind twelve hours before though, and peaceful is not the word I would use.

“You’re always yelling at me!” My son cries from the bathroom floor as if the task of putting on just one sock in 10 minutes is simply unattainable.

Sound familiar mamas?

You’ve gotten up, poured the cereal, thrown your hair in a messy bun, and cheerfully woken your child up with a “good morning sweetie”.

What went wrong? Why are you always 30 seconds from yet another tardy slip as you fly into the drop off line, trying not to spill your coffee? Again, sound familiar mamas?

I don’t know the answers to a perfect morning, actually I despise mornings; but here are a few things

I’ve learned:

1. Set a Routine that Works and Follow it.

Your kids like a routine. For mine, setting an alarm with Alexa gives him the power over his day. He knows when his alarm goes off it’s time to get started. He sets it for a few minutes before I get up,so he can have some time to wake up alone. For yours, it may be turning on a certain type of music, having a cup of hot herbal tea, or hopping in the shower. Think about it mamas, do we like the lights turned on to wake us up with someone hovering over us saying: “get up, get dressed, eat, brush your teeth”, all within a matter of a half hour or so? Be mindful of this in the morning with your kids.

2. Lay Out Clothes for the Next Day.

Mamas this is a lifesaver. Before your bedtime routine, even if you don’t really have one (that’s an article for another day) make this simple, but so very valuable task, something you do each night. I’m talking the whole entire outfit: socks (oh dear, don’t forget the socks), shoes, coats, and even gloves if needed. Get your child’s input. This will avoid the “these pants don’t fit me” or “this shirt is scratching me” “I wanted to wear shorts instead!” Trust me, putting these few minutes as a priority the night before will save you much turmoil in the early morning hours.

3. Give Yourself Grace

This is important.

When nothing works and your morning is a mess, you’re tardy for the 7th time this month, and your coffee did spill (oh no, anything but the coffee),

Give yourself grace.

If you’re anything like me after a morning of tears, lost socks, short tempers, and rushed breakfasts, (or let’s face it a quickly slurped go-gurt thrown into the backseat of the car)- You’ll worry all day at work. Is his day okay? Did I ruin it all? Can he focus on his school work? Is he sad at lunch? Does he hate me? For what, mama? For being human?!

I think as single mothers we often forget: we are rocking this thing on our own. You’re the one who worked all day, the one who made the dinner, the one who gave the baths, and read the books, and put the laundry in, and said the bedtime prayers; and that’s just the start.

You’re the one who woke up to face another day of doing it all over again.

You are the one who deals with the tears and the melt downs and the homework; but you are also the one who gets the hugs, the cuddles, the “I love you mama”, and the “can you tuck me in?”

You, working single mama, are the one in your kid’s corner. Don’t forget it.

The world’s not perfect, but it’s not that bad. Here’s to messy buns, almost spilled coffee, and asking your kiddos to put their socks on for the 182794633479315th time….. all without losing your mind.

Happy Everything,

~Katie B.

Are You Settling?

Are you settling?

If you have been keeping up with my blogs, my life is …well… It’s kind of messy.

Some of it I can control.

A lot of it I can’t,

But what the gift this chaos has given me is some moments to look inward.

Look at who I really am and what I really want.

I have had these conversations with myself before and a little bit even with you all.

The big difference is I am not sure if I listened. I also was never this close to losing so much.

I started to wonder, am I settling?

Have I settled?

I think I have.

In my career definitely. It was easy. I knew it, it felt safe so I stayed even when there were many times I shouldn’t have. Even right now. I should probably be running for the hills, but I’m hanging on to a shred of I don’t know what, because I’m afraid of the unknown.

In my personal life. I don’t speak up like I should. I do but I don’t. I am so afraid of upsetting the person I’m with, that I don’t speak up sometimes until it’s much too late. The hurt is already there. The irony is – he wants me to. But what I know- is to say I’m fine and move on. Put the wall up. Be hurt and hope maybe he’ll figure it out.

No he won’t.

I need to tell him.

But I won’t because it’s easier not to.

I cross my arms and quietly stew.

The only place I don’t settle is how I deal with my friends. I call, I reach out. I am incredibly honest with them.

I wish the person they see. The person my daughter sees. Was who I could always be.

I have used the word easy a lot in this blog. Except by taking the easy way out. By settling, I think I’ve made things harder on myself.

It’s time to uncross my arms and use my voice again.

It’s time to quit settling as scary as that is.

Much love Mommas

<3 Caprise