Category Archives: Lifestyle

Me, You, And My Medication

Me, You, And My Medication….

I slammed my bedroom door shut and pounded my firsts into my thighs repeatedly. Till finally my legs went numb and some sort of calm had come over me. I was 7 years old and had no idea this would be the first of many outbursts I would have before finally getting a diagnosis at age 27.

I have never been able to control my emotions; I have always struggled with extreme highs and lows my entire life. My depression was a huge part in both my divorces. I had to be medicated throughout pregnancy and post-partum with all three of my children.  I spent years of my life in therapy chairs looking for answers. It was blamed on my mother abandoning me at an early age, being molested, and divorce trauma. But I knew deep down something more was at play. It wasn’t until I met a doctor at age 27, I finally had answer.

Bipolar.

Such a scary word to hear. I sat numb in the doctor’s office for awhile before finally asking.. Will I have to take medicine forever? The doctor smiled weakly and said its recommended you stay on medication. I spent 6 months working with my doctor to find the perfect dose and perfect medicine to stabilize me and it was exhausting, I never thought I was going to feel a normal for myself and that’s all I wanted was a sense of normal. Bipolar explained a lot of my behavior but it didn’t excuse any of it. I made serious mistakes in my bipolar episodes I couldn’t just write off because I had a diagnosis. I had to learn how to live my life on medication and navigate the world. I ruined a lot of relationships during my bipolar episodes including an engagement to what I believe was the love of my life.

How could I fix that? How do I start over fresh?

I reached out. I reached out to family, I reached out to friends, I even reached out to my ex fiancé in hopes of making amends for what I done unmedicated. I had to learn it was okay to accept my mistakes and those around me forgave me for my behavior. Oddly enough my Dad told me he suspected all along I was bipolar. It was about learning a new life balanced out by an anti-psychotic. I take three medications now once daily for my bipolar, one once daily for anxiety and one I take as needed up to three times a day for my anxiety and they both help along with my monthly sometimes bi-weekly therapy sessions. There may come a day where I can overcome my anxiety but there’s not going to come a day where I don’t deal with my bipolar, and I’m learning to be okay with that.

There are times I miss being off my medication. The days I would feel high, on top of the world and get so much accomplished were amazing. I once redid an entire bathroom on one of my “good days”. But the lows were incredibly painful. I would go days without running a brush through my hair or even showering because I was so depressed. Being on medication has made me successful, I firmly believe I have gotten so far ahead in life being stabilized with medications. I may not experience the highs, but I no longer suffer the extreme lows.

I feel normal and that’s something I never thought I would say. I feel like I can accomplish things. I have learned to manage my emotions and control them better. I’ve been promoted at my job and I’m successful and I never though that would be possible unmedicated. I’ve learned that there’s no harm in being honest when you’re struggling with mental illness there’s a whole community out there of people who are ready and willing to be there for you, including me.

Serendipity

Why I Exercise

People ask me “Why do I exercise so much??” It’s about doing the one thing you need in your life.  I have been active for years… you know when you find that one thing that really makes you feel good about yourself and you love doing it.  

Don’t worry, This isn’t going to be a blog about why exercise is important, although it is.

I did not love to exercise as a kid. I dreaded running the mile in gym class… I would fake being sick or I would hide in the bathroom. I was always always the last to finish. 

It all changed after college, when I joined a gym and then I started to really enjoy it.  And I also spent many hours doing the Kathy Smith walk to fitness videos at home. I soon realized that working out made me feel good about myself.  My confidence increased tremendously and I loved it. Ladies, confidence is key in life.  

Now many years later, my friends and co workers constantly give me crap on how active I am. They hate to join any Fitbit challenge with me because I win every time. They make fun of me constantly for being active.. and I am not one to brag about my 25,000 steps or getting up at 5 am to work out. Yes, I am one of those people.

When I married to my husband, he could never understood why I wanted to work out. It was a constant battle. I was a stay at home mom with my 3 kids for 8 years.  Anyone who has kids knows how much work they can be and how important it is to do things for yourself.. working out, pedicure, massage, cocktails. Whatever it is, it makes you feel good about yourself or what you enjoy.  My ex husband loved to fish and hunt, he did it for himself… same thing as working out.

There were parts of my life that I exercised to lose weight however now I exercise for so many other reasons. I exercise to clear my head.. let’s face it that moms with 3 kids and an ex husband probably have some stress they need to release.  I exercise to feel good about myself. And I exercise so I can drink wine and eat nachos…

And as my life got more chaotic with kids and work and activities, I had to find the time to do that thing I loved. I found the time at 5 am and it works for me. I do it at 5 am because it gives me focus and balance for the day.  And without it, I feel off for the day. In that 45 minute of working out, I can plan my day, I can sort through any stress, and I can listen to my favorite music without any distractions.

I did not want to give it up because I knew how important is was to me.. so  I had to find the time. It took some time to get used to getting up that early and being more strict about getting enough sleep.  I could have just let them go or made excuses that I didn’t have time, but I knew I needed this in my life.

If it’s important to you, find a way to fit it in. If it makes you a happier or more focused person, do it.  It will take determination and maybe some changes, but if it’s what you need, stay with it. Do not feel guilty about it or make excuses, for doing something for yourself or something you need.  Whatever it is, just make it a priority.

https://www.snarkydivorcedgirl.com/

New Year No Resolutions

New Year No Resolutions…

As I am preparing to write this I do what I always do and took a little pit stop on social media.

I was hit in the face with frantic last minute Christmas posts and resolutions.

I will be up front about two things.

I still need to shop and I am not making any resolutions. Maybe that’s one in and of itself.

Here’s the thing. 

Ok, a couple. I am absolutely lousy at keeping them. Resolutions.

I am already frantic, please don’t add to my stress. A task I may not complete. That’s stressful.

Also… sometimes resolutions feel targeted. New Year, New Me. What’s wrong with you right now?

Have you ever thought it’s not you?

A lot of times, I’m going to say at least for me. My year is bad because of things around me. The environment, things out of my control.

This was not a banner year for me. To say the least. From job loss. Loss of loved ones. Fractured friendships. A financial bomb.

But I still hope that each New Year is better. I always hope I grow. But at my core I should not be a new me.

Maybe fold my laundry right away so I have more time on Sunday to relax so I don’t feel so stressed come Monday morning.

Get every scrap of information before I make big decisions.

Focus on my humans. The ones who focus on me. Text, call…

Spend less time on social media. I really don’t need to know my cousin three times removed is into some of the things she’s into.

Take time for the little things. When is the last time you peeped a sunrise?

Sing loudly in my car. 

Snuggle with my dog.

Buy the special creamer for my coffee.

These aren’t resolutions. These are things I like to do. I just maybe don’t do them enough.

A new year is a great time to remind yourself to do those things, but honestly Mommas why not all year?

My hope for you is a wonderful holiday and if 2019 wasn’t your year, that 2020 will be.

Much love Mommas.

<3 Caprise

Do It For Yourself With No Guilt

Do It For Yourself With No Guilt

I didn’t realize that I wanted to do so many things in life.  I didn’t realize that I didn’t share a lot of the same goals and interests as my husband.  I would always feel guilty for wanting to do the things I enjoyed.  So I just went along with everything.  You know when just do what you think you should be doing or don’t speak up for yourself.. I never had that excited or accomplished feeling.  I think sometimes we fall into this rut and it’s hard to get out.  And if I did do something I enjoyed, I would feel incredibly guilty.  Sometimes we just do what we think is expected. We don’t speak up for our own wants.  I had always done what was expected…

I have no guilty feelings for my divorce anymore… which took years to get to that point.  It does take years to finally be able to really focus on you.  I know now that it’s totally ok that my marriage did not work out. I know that I want to focus on other areas of my life.. areas that can give me excitement and a sense of accomplishment.

I went back to school and got my degree in health and wellness management because my passion is living healthy.   I wanted to learn more about that lifestyle and to eventually teach others.  I have a full time career in another field, but I work part time in a fitness center now just to get some experience.  Plus I love it!  When you do something you love, it makes all the difference.  It gave me such excitement and encouragement to have something to work towards.  Sometimes now I wonder how I actually did it and survived…I’m pretty sure it will just the feeling of doing something for yourself.

It doesn’t matter if you want to go back to school, try a new church, find a new career, or start something that you have always dreamed about.. it shouldn’t matter if it’s not what’s expected of you.. it’s scary to finally start something new. Its really scary now without additional support. But once you start, you will not want to give up the excitement.

I can not explain how finally I felt like I had done something for myself and I loved it.  I don’t think it matters on what stage you are in life.   It’s ok to change your mind or follow another path, just don’t feel guilty. Be proud!

https://www.snarkydivorcedgirl.com/

Learning To Love The Unique Me

I’m sitting here by myself at a local Mediterranean Restaurant.  I’m here for a little bit of much needed “me” time.  Of all of the places to spend my time, I chose this one because the music is great, the people are friendly, it’s not too loud, but most importantly the food is amazing.  I also chose this place because no one in my family likes this type of food.  I don’t have it often, so it’s kind of a treat to myself.  As I sit here enjoying my time away, I am reminded of just how different-unique- from my family I am.

I am an only child, I was born and raised in a very urban area in the north east, I love diverse types of foods and cultures, and I love all different types of music…well except for country.  All of these things are quite a bit different from that of my husband and children.  While we never really focus on things we differ in, as I sit and ponder these things it reminds me of how wonderful being different can be.

When you think of the word different, at times it can have a negative connotation to it.  Growing up, I looked at different as being weird or strange.  In this very moment as an adult woman, I see that the word different also can mean unique.   I always looked at things that were different about me as being bad.  For example, I have struggled with my weight for as long as I can remember.  I have always been curvy, but after having 3 children and being almost 40 years old, I am finding that it is much more difficult to get back to the figure I once had in my 20’s.  My body is different now.  Areas that were once firm are now jiggly, and my stomach is covered in stretch marks.  All of these things are very different from what is portrayed on television, in films, magazines and social media.  But guess what?  These things are unique to me.  My body is different, and my belly has stretch marks because I am different.  I have carried 3 people inside of my body and given them life.  I’d say that’s pretty special.  So while I may never be wearing a bikini, I am very proud of what my unique body has created, and I can maintain my health even if I’m not the size I was years ago.

I also used to hate that my parents were divorced.  They separated when I was very young and divorced when I was 12.  I have always been very close to my mom for this reason but growing up my closest friends lived with both their mom and dad.  No one else that I knew had to split their holidays or spend weekends away from home.  I used to always feel that this difference was so bad.  Now looking back on it, I see how special this really was.  This allowed me to have a relationship with my mother that not many people have.  It has also showed me the value of marriage and has allowed me to be able to give advice to divorced friends who are worried about how their children are coping.  This thing that set me apart from my friends as a kid has allowed me a unique advantage as far as my perspective on marriage and parenting as an adult.

So yes, I’m different.  I’m unique.  I’m special.  I’m me, and I love me some me!  I may not have all of my I’s dotted or my T’s crossed.  I may still struggle with some insecurities and overthink how I could have done or said something better.  I’m not perfect, but I am enjoying this journey of learning to love the once different, now unique me.

 

~1spentmom~

Your Mentality Creates Your Reality

Last Sunday morning on the FB Coffee Chat (10am EST) I started talking to you guys about how your mentality creates your reality, so let’s talk about that some more.  Whatever you hold in your mind will eventually become the circumstance in which you live— this is a simple, universal fact.  Thoughts that are held in your mind will go forward into manifestation and become your reality.  Meaning first that if you are constantly focused on what is wrong and what isn’t working then you will create more of that in your future and also meaning that YOU have the power to bring forth a different REALITY by cleaning up your mentality.

You can quite literally “think” your way out of any seeming difficulty and “think” your way into a totally different life.  This can only be done IF you are willing to do the work—it takes work to change your thinking, you have to be willing to think new things and think in new ways as well as ‘fake it till you make it’.  When you start to introduce new thoughts your mind will tell you that you are crazy for making up statements that are not yet true— good thing you know better than to listen to your ‘mind’.  Waking up every morning and saying “every day in every way things are getting better and better for me now’ may seem crazy especially when your present circumstances appear to be daunting…this is what I mean when I say ‘fake it till you make it”—you have to start saying and thinking the NEW thoughts first—- the results come after—so you have to be willing to just begin no matter what you seem to be in the middle of…

The most important thing that I can teach you is that you can change anything if you can change your thinking—this is far easier to say than to do—-to do this—change your thinking requires constant replacement of thoughts—it is our habit to think about what is wrong, to complain, to think about what isn’t working—cleaning up your mentality means that you have to be vigilant and consciously replace every ‘old’ thought with a new one.  You have to train yourself to think and respond in a new way.

Most of us are living unconsciously when it comes to our thinking, we don’t evaluate our thoughts, we simply have them and act accordingly—we don’t take the time to see that our reality has becomes a reflection of what is in our heads.  Instead we remain reactive to circumstances and we slog through our lives complaining about what is around us and how things are going.   This really is insanity—acting like we are at effect of what is around us—instead of seeing that we are very much “at cause”.

My goal is to have you get conscious— to SEE that you CAN change things in your life—to see that if you will just be willing to do some work on yourself and be disciplined in it you can CHANGE THE GAME.

So for this week let’s get you to at least start seeing that your mentality creates your reality …

I will see you Sunday at 10am EST for our FB Live Weekly Coffee Chat…XO, Noelle

Release The Hold

Release the hold….

Have you ever had one of those days that before you even get out of bed, the to-do list is beyond long?  You muster up the courage to get out of bed and start the day only to find more is coming at you?  More requests, more questions, more changes.  At what point do you say no?

Maybe the no’s should have started yesterday with all the things you added to the list for today.

We do not have to say yes to everything, every time to everyone.  Release the need to say yes when we mean no, release the need to have approval from others, release the desire to be so busy we don’t have to face the true feelings, release release release.

It is not going to be easy. People expect certain things from us.  They expect a certain behavior – that we have trained them to expect.  So now, we have to retrain them by releasing what does not serve us any longer.  They may not like it.  They may ridicule and complain and huff & puff about it.  BUT they’re state of mind and happiness is not your concern.  YOURS is.

Release the people, places and things that bring you stress.  Say no to the things that do not serve a higher purpose in your life.  Walk away from situations that pull you down, drag you backwards and take away your personal power.

Only when you release will there be room for something new to come along.  Imagine…. You have 10 things on your to-do list today.  Ten ridiculous errands/chores that add no value to your life, but you want to be a good mother/friend/employee/etc… so you said yes to all of them.  THEN an event comes along that would excel your business, or teach you to reel in your back talking child, or give you the tools to be your #1….AND you cannot go, because your day is full up & all filled in.  There’s no room for anything of value.

Release and make room!

Your God girl,

Tracy

What Are Your Hobbies?

What are your hobbies?  I have hated that question since I was in school.  I have no hobbies…How do you start doing things you for you?

Last Spring, I decided that I needed to do something for myself. I needed to start getting back into things.. And by things I mean, hobbies, activities, or something that I loved.  I was married for over 13 years, you have kids, and then you stop doing things that you love.   I think we all experience that part of life even with being divorced or not. Having kids is great, but you have to give up many things in the process. I stayed home with my children for many years, so over time I forgot the things that I loved. Or I would feel guilty for wanting to do them.. Yes, the mom guilt.

I love music.. I love concerts…I love working out.. I love golf.  I started to think about all the things that I had really enjoyed in life and had not enjoyed in so long.  It had been years since I had done a lot for myself.  Or even put myself first.

I had golfed after college and even did my internship at a golf resort, but after having kids I had not done it in years. I had missed it.  Being outside with friends and a few drinks in the summer felt so heavenly.   I knew a friend that was in a women’s golf league and so I decided to join. I did not have a partner and I only knew a few people in the league, this was way out of my comfort league.  I usually gravitate towards smaller groups and people that I know.  I was scared to death… what if my partner was a golf pro, what if she wasn’t fun, what if she didn’t sneak drinks on the course… All these things were going through my head.  I like to know what to expect and this was all new…I am a woman in her 40’s that is freaking out about meeting new people.  Yep, just like high school it never changes.

Well I did it, I joined the league and somehow I got placed with a partner that was just recently divorced with kids.  All of my fears were put aside the moment I meant her.. I mean she suck “truly’s into her golf bag.  A girl after my own heart!  We really suck at playing golf, but we have so much fun. I honestly believe that everything happens for a reason and this was it.   I mean sometimes its pretty much dark before we get off the course..haha.  We golfed each week and could talk about our divorce, frustrations, dating, etc.. we became great friends.  I can not tell you how great it felt to do something again that I am doing for myself and that I love.

Every Tuesday from May through September I golf in a women’s league.  This is what I do for myself. Yes, I do golf league even when I have my kids. I am not a bad mom for not spending every moment with my kids and I have learned that you do need to put yourself first at times.

It just think its important to start doing things, activities,  hobbies, etc. for yourself.  Find the one that you love or might learn to love.. And do it.  You might have to start from scratch and find something you enjoy..might be something completely different than the old you. Lets face it, you are different.

https://www.snarkydivorcedgirl.com/

I Need Another Plan

It’s six months to my birthday, and I find it hardly coincidental that today I have launched an effort to find purpose and a plan for my life. I know this because for some crazy reason, shortly after I arrived to my desk at work, I decided I needed to examine every life planner known to mankind.

I started on Pinterest, where all the best data and comparison shopping information can be found. Eventually, I began Google searching some of the information I found on other sources and then I moved onto price comparisons on Amazon, of course. I may be less emotional and domestic than many women, but the last two sentences I think can testify that I am, in fact, a card-carrying female.

Planners have very little to do with anything except that here I am, six months from my birthday and I need a life change, a’ la Eat Pray Love (yes, the movie). I need to discover who I am, I need a project, a goal, a way to focus my energies on self love, self discovery and adventure.

Planner shopping was a symptom of a greater problem…. I need a plan, not another planner.

Last week, I thought about becoming a travel writer, and while the very idea of that is enthralling to me, I don’t feel like I am “there” yet. I mean, I’d jump at that chance in a heartbeat, but while I am still figuring out how to pay my bills, I think buying a plane ticket could be putting the cart before the horse.

But taking the most important journey of my life doesn’t really require me to even leave my own neighborhood. And this all important journey is going to take me to some pretty exciting, life changing, and maybe scary places too!

I am starting the Journey of a Lifetime, by traveling into my own heart and soul and mind. I’m going to spend the next six months journaling, drawing, practicing self love, seeking, exploring, and discovering … me. That’s my life plan. No life planner required.

As with any good adventure, I don’t know exactly where this journey will lead. I don’t know what roads I’ll travel, what milestones I may find or what roadblocks I will surely stumble upon, but I know it will get me closer… daily closer… to knowing myself and finding what lights my soul on fire. And isn’t that what we all want?

Who wants to come along for the ride? I could use a travel buddy.

-Sharona

Experiencing a Setback? Push Forward

Experiencing a Setback? Push Forward.

After a lengthy hiatus from writing, I’m back and am as ready as ever to trudge ahead towards my goals, and ultimately, my dream. It’s amazing how easily a setback—big or small—can discourage us or even stop us from our goals and what we have set out to do. . .if we let it.

For me, it started out as a simple yet paralyzing case of writer’s block. Yes, writer’s block—it is a thing. All my fellow writers out there will completely understand. My head was flooded with ideas on what to write about, but as soon as I’d sit to put those ideas into words, I had nothing. Nothing!

While the writer’s block was enough to make feel as if I were up to my neck in quicksand, it was a phone call I received from my website hosting provider that really did me in. Two words: malware infection. Now I really was at a complete standstill.  Because of the malware infection, my site was shutdown. Completely. I couldn’t even access my own content. The countless hours I put into developing my website and creating content, now seemed like it was all for nothing.

At the time, I was on a very strict budget and couldn’t afford the hundreds of dollars I was told it would cost to get back up and running. I broke down into tears. This roadblock set me back for months. I felt like giving up, but I knew I couldn’t. After further research, I found a very affordable security company to go with, and I was back up and running within 24 hours. Finally!

Remember Why You Started

Regardless of how much passion we may have for something or how determined we are to attain the goals we have set for ourselves, it becomes a little too easy to lose sight of our purpose or just completely give up when things don’t go as planned. Remind yourself why you started in the first place. We don’t put blood, sweat and tears into something for the heck of it. What are your end goals? Your purpose?

Re-evaluate Your Goals

Setting unrealistic goals can lead to further frustration, making the likelihood of executing them even less. This is when it becomes necessary to re-evaluate your goals and/or set new ones; ones that are more attainable.

Once we have fallen off-track, it can become extremely difficult to get back on, especially as more time passes. Sometimes it requires taking baby-steps to get us to where we want to be. Remember, we must crawl before we walk; walk before we run. Keep in mind, progress is progress no matter how small.

Victories Must Be Celebrated

After re-evaluating and/or setting new goals, reward yourself. Victories must be celebrated. Don’t forget, small victories are still victories and are noteworthy. Oftentimes it will be these small victories that will not only carry you through the more difficult times, but will also boost your motivation and self-confidence. And, who doesn’t need a little boost once in a while? It will also be these small victories that will lead you to the bigger ones. Sounds like a win-win to me!

Hold Yourself Accountable

Ah yes, accountability. . .something we all need in our lives. Whether it’s creating a schedule, a checklist, or even leaving yourself post-it notes throughout the house—I’ve done all three—holding yourself accountable is a surefire way to success. The best part is, you don’t have to do it alone. You can always find an accountability buddy to give you that extra nudge if needed.

Final Thoughts

In closing, I would like to offer some words of encouragement. Whatever your passion, purpose or goals are, never give up. Will it be easy? No. Will everything go as you planned? Absolutely not! But, you can do it. Anything worthwhile is worth fighting for. The only thing you will regret is not trying.

“A setback is a push forward in disguise” ~ LMD

~ Lindsey

https://farfromahousewife.com/