Category Archives: Keep

A Lesson In Leadership (again)

We were talking about leadership on last Saturday morning’s Coffee Chat Show and I was reminding you all that everyone is a leader in SOME way in their lives.  As parents we are certainly leaders for our children.  Below is one of my pieces on Leadership that was included in a book, it is one of my favorites and I wanted to share it with you again:

Often people think of ‘Leadership’ as something that comes with privilege, they assume that once a person serves in a leadership capacity, they enjoy a ‘charmed’ life.  They forget that REAL leadership is ‘power WITH’ not ‘power over’.  

When a calling has been placed on your life to lead, life itself sets out to equip you for it.  This usually involves challenges and circumstances that will bring you to your knees.   When you are in God’s leadership training you don’t get a manual or a letter in the mail, no email comes and no instruction booklet is available. Life just starts to kick the crap out of you, challenges materialize from all over and you can be sure they will include betrayal and disappointment.  

Many people ‘want’ to be leaders; they envision that being a leader is important, filled with glory and has a lot of perks…perhaps they even think that being a leader is where the ‘money’ is.  The truth?  Being a leader, is in fact, more difficult than any other task. Being a good or great leader?  That requires more work than most people can even fathom.

In order to lead you must be able to follow…happily and humbly.  You must be able to take direction and work within someone else’s framework even if you think you could do it better. If you can’t follow someone else then NOBODY will ever follow you, no matter how amazing you perceive yourself to be.  This is an important skill to understand, the act of following happily and humbly.  I promise you that every great leader began by following someone else first.

To lead successfully you lead by example, you first do the task that you wish to entrust to someone else.  You need to have executed that task with excellence to understand what it feels like to complete that particular thing successfully.  If you want to direct people then you have to be coming from a place that includes already doing that work, otherwise people will ignore your requests and resent you.  If you think you are too good to clean windows or toilets or empty trash, yet you imagine that someone ‘beneath’ you should do those things, then you are not leadership material.  Any attitude of ‘entitlement’ has no place in leadership.

I don’t care who you are or who you think you are—nobody is beneath you and you are not better than anyone else on the planet.  You may be different and you may have more advanced skills and you may make more money, however you are not ‘better’ than any other human being.  God created all of us equal and to be a great leader you will do well to remember this and to treat people accordingly.

Real leaders want to build people up and help them get to the next level in their lives; leaders know that their job is to leave everything better than they found it.  They make it their business to INSPIRE other people and contribute to them.  Leaders speak about possibility and they refrain from criticism and sarcasm.

There are so many people trying to succeed and lead and they keep forgetting the source of true leadership which is to lead by example.  You first must FOLLOW the disciplines that you wish to teach, you must walk the walk and succeed there before anyone will listen to you.  Sure, you can lead without doing this and whatever you are trying to do will fall apart, eventually it will collapse on top of you and you won’t prosper to your full ability.

You can’t sleep late, live like a slob, be rude, and treat people poorly, lack self-discipline and then get dressed up in a suit and go tell people how to be a success.  People may look like they are listening, yet you will lack the authenticity needed to produce results.  You can put lipstick on a pig, but it is still a pig.  

Gandhi said “be the change in the world that you want to see”.  Sometimes leaders think that they are an exception to this…

Be authentic, don’t try to teach what you haven’t learned.

 

See you Saturday for Coffee Chat at 8:30am EST.

XO, N.

Taking Inventory

On Saturday’s Coffee Chat we talked about doing an inventory of the relationships and alliances in your life and whether or not they are serving you anymore.  I mentioned being very aware of who contributes to you and who takes away from you—everybody that you encounter does one or the other—they either ADD to your life or they zap your energy.

When you make the decision that you want a different kind of life you must be willing to take the actions that will make that manifest in your reality, often times that means that we have to divest ourselves of some stuff…people, objects, behaviors.  Anything that is no longer serving you must be left behind otherwise you will be unable to move forward.

It takes great strength to realize what you need to let go of and even greater strength to actually DO IT.  You cannot move into the future that you want for yourself by dragging along people and things from the past, not all people want to change.  Some people are quite happy complaining about how things never change vs. actually taking ACTION to change them.  Change is uncomfortable, however being uncomfortable causes us to grow as human beings and if we are not growing, we are becoming complacent and inevitably declining…

Time to start LOOKING at who and what is around you and deciding what stays and what goes—clutter, old clothes, papers, behaviors, people that drain you etc

Time to CLEAN HOUSE –the first step in Practical Change is to take inventory and be willing to tell the truth to yourself about what is no longer working for you.  This can be difficult as often people that we love are not committed to moving ahead in their lives and for us to move ahead we will have to change our associations with them.  The hardest thing to do is step back from people that we love that are unwilling to help themselves—in those cases it’s either ‘us’ or ‘them’—as I always say, “there is a reason the airlines tell you to put your oxygen mask on first.”

Do not be afraid to admit to yourself what is no longer working and don’t be afraid to cut it loose—everything that you want is on the other side of you making these changes.  It is time to make NEW beginnings and start surrounding yourself with the things that will support the life that you are creating.  See you Saturday for Coffee Chat!

 

XO, Noelle

Unstoppable—Practicing Relentless JOY

Unstoppable– impossible to stop

Relentless– constant, continuing. 

Last Saturday on ‘The Coffee Chat’ show I told you to watch out for when ‘monkey mind’ started to try and sabotage your momentum…I warned you to stay vigilant and not let that stop you.  We talked about ‘doing the thing and getting the power’ –knocking out the stuff that you have been neglecting to finish or have put off.  Now I am going to remind you that ‘monkey mind’ is not the only thing that will try to get in your way when you are on a roll—the force of chaos itself will start throwing things in your path to try and deter you from your renewed power.  Here is a real-life example from this morning…

Having promised you guys on Saturday that I would dive in and start finishing shit that I have been putting off, I made good on my promise and spent the weekend catching up on the Leadership Training modules, knocking out modules of another training program that I have been dragging on since last March and finishing one of the books that has been sitting half-read for 2 or 3 years now.  Getting all that done filled me with huge amounts of energy and ideas to do and accomplish even more—so I woke up this morning ready to rock and roll, walked into my sitting/prayer room and was assaulted by EIGHT shit stains on the WHITE carpet from one of the cats who must have had it on their paws…. EIGHT stains—mind you this was all BEFORE my first espresso…

NOW—some people would have let that define and ruin their entire day, however being as well-trained as I am and understanding that my JOY comes from making it up – I just proceeded downstairs to get the Resolve and a rag and I sprayed and cleaned all the stains with the cats looking on as if they had nothing to do with my plight…

THEN—I went back downstairs and made espresso and truthfully burst out loud laughing because I, honest to God, saw how chaos was trying SO HARD to steal my joy and throw me off my game.  I realized that when I get into ‘beast mode’ with my personal power and productivity, I am a force of nature and the catalyst to making a lot of good things happen for people— the forces of chaos don’t like that—they like it better when we leave things undone, when we feel fat and shitty about ourselves, when we complain, overeat, drink too much, spend days binge-watching Netflix etc—chaos feeds off of apathy and complacency.  It breeds there and manufactures illness, depression, fear, sadness and a shitload of other things that are not helpful.

So let me remind you today that you must access your unstoppable nature and decide to practice RELENTLESS JOY for NO reason other than the choice is yours—EVERY DAY THE CHOICE IS YOURS!

Choose wisely— remember your Universal attraction point is where your vibration is—so choosing JOY means more joy finds its way to you.  If I can be happy cleaning up shit on a Monday morning before coffee—you can be happy wherever you are as well.

See you Saturday morning for Coffee Chat.  

XO, Noelle

What Puts The Wonder In The Woman?

What puts the “wonder” in the woman?

I had a bad dream on Saturday night—It woke me up at 6am on Sunday and I was so unsettled that I just got up.  In the dream Antonio was still little and my ex-husband had taken him for a visit, and I was freaking out because I was unable to reach them, and I was worried that he would not bring Antonio back.  I woke up remembering the times that I felt like that, which were infrequent because the ex was pretty much not around the kid’s whole life—that fact likely made me more concerned about trusting him when he did take the kid for a visit.  I had to remind myself that Antonio will be 20 in a few weeks and that he lives right down the street with his own phone and his own car etc.

When I settled myself with those facts, I started thinking about how nobody really helped me with raising him and then I thought about everything that I have been able to do for us—how I brought us from filing bankruptcy to where we are today—how he is going to be 20 soon which means that I have been at this parenting thing for two freaking DECADES.  Then I thought about how much I worried about shit that I couldn’t control, about how f—ing terrified I was most of the time, about how many times I cried after he went to bed or when he was at school because I was just so damn scared about everything.  I was on my own in TN for 12 years with him…his father visited once, my Mother visited never…that’s another whole story for another day…

Point is that I made it, I did it— we are OK, we were OK, I figured it out, I kept going, I keep going.  Now I worry less because I realize that it wastes my energy and when you worry you attract things to be worried about.  None of us need that kind of help.  Truly.  STOP worrying.  

These days I continue to practice what I teach you, vibe from a better, higher place, think the next best thought, elevate yourself on the daily.  Appreciate what you have, keep doing the next thing and then the next.

Do me a favor—stop once in awhile in the middle and think about how FAR you have come, I never do that.  I am trying to learn to do it more—mostly I just kept moving because I was afraid that if I stopped, I would not be able to pick myself back up—I did not give in to despair EVER because I imagined that if I did it would put me out and then who would take care of the kid…so for him I just kept doing the next thing.

I remember days that I was so afraid about money or something else that I could hardly breathe—so I would do the next thing and then say some affirmations or pick up a book that would help me direct my thoughts in a better way.

In case you ever wonder if I know what it feels like to be YOU, I DO.  It’s just that I am a bit further along and I created this work with The Working Single Mom brand to help you see that you can make it too—you can and you WILL.  No matter what is happening now, you will get through it—I did, I do and you will.

Let me help you see what it looks like to get on the other side of hell—I will keep sharing my stories and you keep doing the next thing and use the tools that I am teaching—those tools and those prosperity principles saved my life and they work if you work them.

What puts the “wonder” in Wonder Woman is you and the GRIT to keep going.

GRIT-

courage and resolve; strength of character

See you Saturday on Coffee Chat.

XO, Noelle

Clearing Out Behavioral Insanity

I have been pondering two words over the past couple days…foundation and wisdom.  Webster’s New World defines Foundation as ‘the base on which something rests’…this leads me to consider how many of us, myself included, live our lives resting on a solid foundation.  When you build a structure, it has to start with a solid and strong foundation, if it doesn’t the structure won’t hold up.  To have a successful life you must also start with a solid and strong foundation, otherwise you will have nothing to ground you when the going gets tough…and there are times when the going will get tough.

What makes a solid and strong foundation?  Is it integrity, a belief in God, ethics, treating others as you want to be treated, a forgiving heart, an open mind, perseverance, willpower, or a combination of all these and more?  I say a combination of the aforementioned and more…a solid and strong foundation comes from a belief that you have power in your own life and that you have the ability to change even the direst of circumstances as long as you can keep your wits about you.

A foundation is also strengthened by operating from a place of peace—meaning doing the things DAILY for yourself that keep you GROUNDED and feeling strong.  When we fail to care for ourselves, we become tired and weakened which opens a door to chaos, triggers and reactivity.  If you are a constant reaction in the middle of your life you will be incessantly pinging off the walls and in essence will be powerless to change anything.

Change can only come from being able to choose your response to a person or situation and this ability is born from having a strong foundation.

If we come from a place of understanding that our lives are based on principle and upon something more than our own pathetic self-concerns, then we are able to hold steady when life hits us with something unexpected.  We are further able to observe what is happening and then wisely choose a response.  If we are operating from a place of weakness and fear, then when life throws a curve ball we have no choice but to scramble and react, react, react.

As far as my life experience shows being a complete reaction has never solved anything, it just brings more trouble.

Seems like it would be prudent for all of us to give a little thought to what kind of foundation we are creating for ourselves daily …or do we wake up every morning and base our day on the reactions of the moment?

Wisdom is defined by Webster’s as ‘the power of judging rightly’…my definition of wisdom is something like ‘the conclusions you finally arrive at after life has knocked you around enough’…

Wisdom is something that comes over time and thankfully it is something that keeps expanding as we get older.  Wisdom is when it finally dawns on you that when you keep behaving the same way and doing the same things, you will get the same result.   The opposite of wisdom is insanity which Albert Einstein defines this way, “the definition of insanity is when you keep doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.”

How many times have we followed the same path over and over again expecting to end up at a different place?  Often we do this most in relationships, we follow the same MO and yet expect to end up with a different outcome…never happens… with certain situations we mirror that mouse running down the same path and still finding no cheese, yet we keep running with the same anticipation and zeal and then we are distraught when the outcome doesn’t change.

Funny thing is— on some level we all know better, yet we let our inner wisdom sit it out while we continue to behave like fools.

Let’s get more interested in exercising our wisdom muscles, we are tired of the same old song and the record is wearing out…it’s Spring and it seems like a good time to clear out behavioral insanity…what will you change today?

XXOO,

Noelle

Don’t Let Your Anger Consume You

Don’t let your anger consume you. It’s ok to be angry-angry at our kids, our friends, our coworkers, our boss, the person in your life. Angry for the things that happen to us in our lives,angry how people have treated us.

How do you get past it and move on?  How do you not let it control all the other areas of your life?  How do you not let it consume you?

I experienced a situation with someone that I was very close to (or thought I was very close to) that caused me much anger.  I was sad and so disappointed in myself and that person.

I had suspected that there was mistrust in our relationship and I ended the relationship.  Yep, I  ended it because I suspected the mistrust.  In the end, I never got any of the answers that I needed or wanted. 

I like things out in the open,all on the same page with what is expected.  And I have a hard time when people can not be honest back.  I had communicated that to him, but unfortunately he could not reciprocate that same communication.  I believe now that I was probably just told what he thought I wanted to hear.I  wish this could have all been avoided if he would have communicated instead of it leading to distrust.  

 I was angry at myself for letting this person in my life,so angry for that. I was angry because I allowed myself to put up blinders and I am still angry with myself for not following my gut or reading the signs.   I know everything that I probably believe is not all true, but I do know there was mistrust and dishonesty.  In the end, he obviously had very little respect for me.  

When It happened, I wanted to lash out…I did not understand.  I was so disappointed in myself.  How could I let this person in my life? How could I stand by this person for months?  How could I give him support when he needed it?

I was probably more angry with myself than with him.  I had to realize that as much as I wanted some answers on what was the truth, I was not going to get them.

I could try and piece it together in my head, but in the end It did not really matter.  I could spend months or endless days being angry but It was not going to change anything.   It happened and now I had to get past the anger I was feeling.

I have not had a lot of mistrust in my life.  I did not have mistrust growing up or in my past marriage, so this was new.  This was a new experience for me and I had to learn how to get past it.  I have been mad at people and experienced anger before, but not with mistrust involved.   

I knew if I did not get past it, It would take over other areas of my life. I would be stressed at my kids when I didn’t need to be.I would be short or annoyed with things that normally didn’t bother me.  I would just snap for no reason at all.  I would just be so mad and I had to let it go. 

I had to stop replaying everything and beating myself up.  Things happen in our lives, that make us so angry and it’s how we respond that gets us through it.  I feel I learn to let more and more go as I move through life,  I knew if I wanted to be happy again I had to just let this go. 

Let go of the hurt and disappointment… Not let it consume me.  

As I was pushing through this all,  I realized that it was ok for me to be angry at times. It was totally fine for me to have a rant to my friends every week about what I really thought and they would respond with all their juvenile name calling to make me feel better. 

I knew I had to get through the anger first before I could get through other areas affected by this… I had to get through this before I could trust or let people in again.  It was like the first layer that I had to peel through and then work on the rest.

-Snarky

 

www.snarkydivorcedgal.com

The Truth About Leadership

Often people think of ‘Leadership’ as something that comes with privilege, they assume that once a person serves in a leadership capacity, they enjoy a ‘charmed’ life.  When a calling has been placed on your life to lead, life itself sets out to equip you for it.  This usually involves challenges and circumstances that will bring you to your knees…including PARENTING.   When you are in Life’s leadership training you don’t get a manual or a letter in the mail, no webinars are available, no email comes, and no instruction booklet is given. Life just starts to test you and seeming challenges materialize from all over the place including lessons that involve betrayal, disappointment, and often financial disarray.  

Many people ‘want’ to be leaders; they envision that being a leader is important, filled with glory and has a lot of perks…perhaps they even think that being a leader is where the ‘money’ is.  The truth?  Being a leader, is in fact, more difficult than any other task. Being a good or great leader?  That requires more work than most people can even fathom.

In order to lead you must be able to follow…happily and humbly.  You must be able to take direction and work within someone else’s framework even if you think you could do it better. If you cannot follow someone else then NOBODY will ever follow you, no matter how amazing you perceive yourself to be.  This is an important skill to understand, the act of following happily and humbly.  I promise you that every great leader began by following someone else first.

To lead successfully you lead by example, you first do the task that you wish to entrust to someone else.  You need to have executed that task with excellence to understand what it feels like to complete that particular thing successfully.  If you want to direct people (including your children) then you have to be coming from a place that includes already doing that work, otherwise people will ignore your requests and resent you.  If you think you are too good to clean windows or toilets or empty trash, yet you imagine that someone ‘beneath’ you should do those things, then you are not leadership material.  Any attitude of ‘entitlement’ has no place in leadership.

I don’t care who you are or who you think you are—nobody is beneath you and you are not better than anyone else on the planet.  You may be different, and you may have more advanced skills and you may make more money, however you are not ‘better’ than any other human being.  God created all of us equal and to be a great leader you will do well to remember this and to treat people accordingly.

Real leaders want to build people up and help them get to the next level in their lives; leaders know that their job is to leave everything better than they found it.  They make it their business to INSPIRE other people and contribute to them.  Leaders speak about possibility and they refrain from criticism and sarcasm.

There are so many people trying to succeed and lead and they keep forgetting the source of true leadership which is to lead by example.  You first must FOLLOW the disciplines that you wish to teach, you must walk the walk and succeed there before anyone will listen to you.  Sure, you can lead without doing this and whatever you are trying to do will fall apart, eventually it will collapse on top of you and you will not prosper to your full ability.

You can’t sleep late, live like a slob, be rude, and treat people poorly, lack self-discipline and then get dressed up in a suit and go tell people how to be a success.  People may look like they are listening, yet you will lack the authenticity needed to produce results.  You can put lipstick on a pig, but it is still a pig.  

Gandhi said “be the change in the world that you want to see”.  Sometimes leaders think that they are an exception to this…

Be authentic, don’t try to teach what you haven’t learned.

XXOO

~N.

Being Grateful Even When You Don’t Feel It

Being grateful on those days and periods of your life where everything is just a perceived disaster can prove to be beyond difficult.

I spent a lot of my earlier adult years being pissed off at everything, huge chip on my shoulder for what I thought was the crappy cards I was dealt. Angry about my childhood and how much I felt it wasn’t fair, marrying my “high school sweetheart” only for it to fail less than two years after being married, not taking advantage of the opportunity I had to go to college, the list continues on. And maybe I was dealt some crappy cards throughout my youth, I made the decision to get married when we both knew it shouldn’t of been. I made the choice to not go to college at that point in my life. Somewhere along the years I decided that I was not going to continue feeling sorry for myself, it was a huge burden on my mental and physical health, relationships with family members and peers. I was lonely, depressed, angry, bitter, and hateful. My friends and family would avoid me and I knew it, at this point I didn’t know why but eventually a close friend finally told me that I was a “Debbie-Downer”(that’s putting it nice). She left that night and I was hurt, and still angry-probably even more angry after that conversation and of course it wasn’t my fault-it was theirs. Couldn’t they see that I had a crappy childhood?!? Didn’t they see that my marriage was a disaster from the get go?!?! I cried, I cussed, and everything else someone does when they are hurt and angry. And honest to God something dawned on me that night-this is not who I am nor who I want to be.  I needed to wake up each morning and be grateful for at least one thing, and write that one thing down, EVERY DAMN DAY! Grateful that I have the option to get up every day, grateful that I can write, grateful that I have something to write with, and something to write on.

There is ALWAYS something to be grateful for in each and every day. And maybe one day it’s making it another day-think about that, let that sink in. You are alive!

Love to All-Kim

Are You Building A Legacy?

Gurdjieff ([1877-1949], priest, physician, teacher, author of ‘Meetings With Remarkable Men’) tells us that to live in a truly creative and dynamic way; we would have to think in a completely new way.  He encourages that to be completely fulfilled, we must engage in our own conscious evolution. In his work he also speaks about conscious labor and intentional suffering and about the importance of undertaking the burden of responsibility for serving the future…in other words building a legacy…

Gurdjieff’s student J.G. Bennett  “…adopted as a major theme of his life and work the teaching known as “The Fourth Way”. This is very simply that in the face of a threat, whether environmental disaster, war and conquest, or economic collapse, those persons who are able to do so must accept the responsibility of guiding and supporting the less resourceful, but not through the conventional institutions of government or religion, but rather on the level of new ideas and attitudes, inspiration and spiritual regeneration. As many Sufi teachers have done, he hinted at a world of experience in which the laws are quite other than those governing the material world – in some cases, the reverse. Those who are able to decipher this riddle must inevitably dedicate themselves to serving humanity, and the future of our world.” (www.jgbennett.net)

Those of us that understand that there is far more to life than what we can physically “see”, understand also that we have a responsibility to encourage other people not to be limited by their own thinking.  I speak often of the fact that you should never, ever judge or evaluate a situation by the way that it looks in any given moment—you should only ever operate from your intention about what the outcome will be.  So many people are stopped in their tracks because they think that the obstacles they encounter are “real”…they fail to understand that what makes obstacles “real” is believing that they exist.  There are people that are never stopped, people that never quit…if one way gets blocked up they find another…these are the people that succeed and know how to live ‘outside the box’…these are the kind of people you want to know.

I mostly live in a conversation called ‘what’s next…what else needs doing’, the past few weeks I have been living in a question called, “What is your Legacy?”

It is interesting that when you begin to engage in this discussion your life and what you have done or not done shows up in a whole different light…complaints and grievances don’t hold much water in the Legacy conversation…25 years after you’re dead nobody is going to care that your back hurt or you had a cold or a headache or that you were too tired to do the laundry.   Some people have told me that their children are their legacy and that is certainly true for all of us that are parents, however, for me that isn’t enough.

I want to leave something that breathes on long after I checked out…something that is dedicated to making people’s lives better, something that educates people and teaches them how to succeed…something that helps those that need helping…something that can be carried forward …something that makes a difference…

My life will change from living in the question, “What is your Legacy?”…do me a favor and take a moment to answer that question for yourself…honestly.  How are you giving back, who are you helping, and what are you serving besides yourself?  How do you serve the future?

I have a theory that if people lived in these questions life would take on a whole new meaning…if people lived for a purpose bigger than themselves the small annoyances they suffer would become much less significant.

Certainly not the average conversation, but average conversations never create much growth or much action—they also don’t cause you to think much.  I leave you with my favorite quote by George Bernard Shaw:

This is the true joy in life, the being used for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one; the being thoroughly worn out before you are thrown on the scrap heap; the being a force of Nature instead of a feverish selfish little clod of ailments and grievances complaining that the world will not devote itself to making you happy.

 

George Bernard Shaw, Man and Superman, Epistle Dedicatory

  • written by Noelle (in case you couldn’t tell)

 

Be Complete In Every Moment…

A dear friend of mine had an unexpected loss recently…a family member had died unexpectedly in the middle of the night from a heart attack…She called to tell me and I just kept saying over and over “Oh my God” and then I started to cry.  My friend said she loved me for that…she has a hard time with emotions and it is difficult for her to ask for help or support…my greatest gift to her has always been to express whatever is there…I have always supported her to be complete in every moment.

I talked with her for a long time and I told her that people would say a lot of different things to her over the next days and weeks…most of it kind but meaningless as the majority of folks can’t handle death and they will do whatever they can to avoid it…those are the people that say things like, “she is in a better place now”.  Those of us that have experienced death and not run away from it will tell her the truth…it is horrible, there is nothing more awful, you will have some very dark days and then the shock will fade some and the tears will come less frequently and you will get up and move through your days…you will laugh again and you will be less sad, however there will not be one day that you don’t miss the person you have lost and there will be some days where it seems again unbearable.

In the midst of it all if you are a fully functioning person there will be laughter mixed with your tears, there will be some anger at the loss, some “this isn’t fair” conversations in your head, some doubt of God’s plan…however those of us that have faith in something bigger than ourselves trust that life has a natural order to it and that things happen as they should even if we don’t agree.

Mostly people suffer greatly from a death when they are incomplete with the person that died…when they are still holding a grudge or the last words they had were in anger or they didn’t say that “I love you”…or they didn’t call enough or visit enough…or take time enough to tell people what a gift they are.  Those are the undelivered communications that bring you to your knees when someone leaves in an untimely and unexpected fashion.  Undelivered communications are what guilt and remorse are made of, I don’t recommend them.  I was taught at an early age to be complete in every moment…for some people close to me that means an “I love you” almost every time we speak…I think they tire of that, but I don’t care much because I know that if anything out of the ordinary happens I have delivered my message.

Walking my friend through her initial shock jerked me back to when my grandfather died…that is another reason people don’t deal well with the news of death because it causes them to momentarily relive whatever loss they have experienced and for some folks that is an unbearable thought.  People do strange things with death…which is funny because we are all going to leave this planet one day, one way or another…so it seems like there should be less fear and more acceptance.

People might leave this place, however the people that we love are never, ever gone…they are as alive as we make them.  My grandfather’s pictures are on my bedroom wall, in my hallway and on my desk…I think of him every day and often I can hear his voice in my head still advising me…and I am confident that he has sent certain people into my life to keep his watch…there are pieces of advice that he gave me that continue to shape my life…so for me he is still very much present.

Granted there are several people that I feel like I couldn’t live without, yet I don’t live in fear of them dying…life has a way of taking care of us if we let it…however we have to let it, which means a certain amount of trust in the process must be present…for many of us this isn’t the case.

You Always Have A Choice

Fear comes from thinking thoughts that scare you…you always have a choice…you can choose to think about things that keep you moving forward or you can choose to think about things that stop you.

I highly encourage you to choose to deliver your undelivered communications—unfinished business is bad mojo especially when people die unexpectedly…