Category Archives: Inspiration

Last Christmas: A Tale Of Hilarity and Woe

Last Christmas: A Tale Of Hilarity and Woe:

“I found this gem in my files and I thought I’d share…I realize its “Out of season”, but hopefully you find entertaining anyway!”….

“You’ll shoot your eye out”took on a whole new meaning for us last Christmas….’Cuz we did…shoot an eye out!

Well, sort of. It all started innocent enough. A few days before Christmas I wrapped and counted presents for each kid and had a sinking feeling it just wasn’t enough. The kids are grown, so there weren’t ANY toys…which REALLY bummed me out. So I headed out to poke around a store…any store…to see what I could find to fill the gluttonous Christmas void. And then it came to me, right there in the middle of the K-Mart toy aisle.

As I stood peering at the answer to my greed filled prayers, I fought the urge to offer the guy next to me with a Typhoid-like cough a cough drop and said an extra prayer he wouldn’t touch the glorious fruits of my desperate search for fulfillment….the last three of the exact same NERF gun, which happened to be how many I needed to make Christmas PERFECT.

My vision of a grand and playful NERF war in the front yard between the 3 children as I
watched lovingly from inside with a warm cup of cocoa was coming to life! Typhoid guy left, and they were mine!

Fast forward to Christmas day..the three children opened them up at the same time, delighted, and charged with a competitive energy that could only come with a plastic weapon filled with spongy bullets….but it was dinner time, and 2 out of 3 children had to leave for a few hours.

However, promises of a turf war were scheduled upon their return and soon enough they were back, they found the youngest boy completely distracted by his video games, and took the
opportunity for a sneak attack.

And that’s when it happened….with the door flung open to deliver the extra element of
surprise, the youngest boy looked up just in time to receive a foam bullet shot from the hip of the oldest boy, straight to his right eye!

I mean, the dude couldn’t have done it again if he tried, it was a helluva shot, really, but that little boy’s blue eye was red in an instant as he howled in pain. Mild panic ensued as we all gathered around the sobbing child trying to assess the severity of his brand new Christmas injury.

Deciding a trip to a clinic would be best, we hopped in the car with him and began our trek. But apparently, NO ONE gets hurt on Christmas, because every walk- in clinic within a 20 mile radius was closed. As we made circles trying to decide which direction to try next, the boy
announced that it wasn’t hurting as bad, and when we pulled over to reassess, it actually looked better, so we forewent the ER at the local ‘Park-N-Die’ and went home instead.

As of 10pm last night, his blue eye was a perfect blue again, and the pain had subsided. He wasn’t gonna go blind after all. Today, the NERF guns lay strewn about,barely used.

Sad, really.

My vision of a playful afternoon on the front lawn has died, but boy do we have a story to tell for years to come! If I ever see Typhoid guy again, I will give him 3 barely used NERF gun….for free…..

~Lynn

All In With A Winning Hand

Have you ever gone to Vegas and sat at a gambling table?  Or maybe you’ve played poker with some friends.  Have you ever trusted the hand that was dealt to you so much that  you went “All In” ?  Every last chip you had in front of you, you slid them into the middle of the table, knowing with all your heart & soul that you had a winning hand?

Your attitude was a little cocky, your eyes were a little squinted and your demeanor was a lot challenging.  But you trusted your gut!   And you knew that once you went “All In” you wouldn’t be able to change your mind.  You can’t say never mind & pull them back out.  You can’t beg for mercy or cry or throw the table over.  You sit with your decision.  And Hope.  And Trust.  

THAT is how we should feel about all our choices.  We should know with our deepest knowing.  Our GUT!  Trust with all the blood running through our veins.  Move ahead into what we said we’d do with the strongest of assurance and conviction.  The knowing from deep inside.  When our heart palpitates, our gut somersaults, our skin tingles.  Like that.

Not the flighty thoughts that meander around our brain on a whimsical day, but the thoughts and ideas we contemplate on, makes lists about and ask others a list of questions on.  Those ones.

Let the idea boil, then let it simmer and if you still feel convicted in your gut… at your place of truth… then it is yours to manifest.  It’s yours to go after.  Just like pushing your chips into the middle of the table.   With Hope. With Trust. Move forward with adventure and certainty.  Going “All In” with what you have in front of you knowing that your return will be tenfold.

And…as always, have fun doing it.

 

xoxo

Your God girl,

Tracy

What Puts The Wonder In The Woman?

What puts the “wonder” in the woman?

I had a bad dream on Saturday night—It woke me up at 6am on Sunday and I was so unsettled that I just got up.  In the dream Antonio was still little and my ex-husband had taken him for a visit, and I was freaking out because I was unable to reach them, and I was worried that he would not bring Antonio back.  I woke up remembering the times that I felt like that, which were infrequent because the ex was pretty much not around the kid’s whole life—that fact likely made me more concerned about trusting him when he did take the kid for a visit.  I had to remind myself that Antonio will be 20 in a few weeks and that he lives right down the street with his own phone and his own car etc.

When I settled myself with those facts, I started thinking about how nobody really helped me with raising him and then I thought about everything that I have been able to do for us—how I brought us from filing bankruptcy to where we are today—how he is going to be 20 soon which means that I have been at this parenting thing for two freaking DECADES.  Then I thought about how much I worried about shit that I couldn’t control, about how f—ing terrified I was most of the time, about how many times I cried after he went to bed or when he was at school because I was just so damn scared about everything.  I was on my own in TN for 12 years with him…his father visited once, my Mother visited never…that’s another whole story for another day…

Point is that I made it, I did it— we are OK, we were OK, I figured it out, I kept going, I keep going.  Now I worry less because I realize that it wastes my energy and when you worry you attract things to be worried about.  None of us need that kind of help.  Truly.  STOP worrying.  

These days I continue to practice what I teach you, vibe from a better, higher place, think the next best thought, elevate yourself on the daily.  Appreciate what you have, keep doing the next thing and then the next.

Do me a favor—stop once in awhile in the middle and think about how FAR you have come, I never do that.  I am trying to learn to do it more—mostly I just kept moving because I was afraid that if I stopped, I would not be able to pick myself back up—I did not give in to despair EVER because I imagined that if I did it would put me out and then who would take care of the kid…so for him I just kept doing the next thing.

I remember days that I was so afraid about money or something else that I could hardly breathe—so I would do the next thing and then say some affirmations or pick up a book that would help me direct my thoughts in a better way.

In case you ever wonder if I know what it feels like to be YOU, I DO.  It’s just that I am a bit further along and I created this work with The Working Single Mom brand to help you see that you can make it too—you can and you WILL.  No matter what is happening now, you will get through it—I did, I do and you will.

Let me help you see what it looks like to get on the other side of hell—I will keep sharing my stories and you keep doing the next thing and use the tools that I am teaching—those tools and those prosperity principles saved my life and they work if you work them.

What puts the “wonder” in Wonder Woman is you and the GRIT to keep going.

GRIT-

courage and resolve; strength of character

See you Saturday on Coffee Chat.

XO, Noelle

Genie In A Bottle

What would you wish if you found a genie in a bottle?  Seriously.  If you rubbed the bottle and out came a genie ready to grant you two wishes, what would you ask for?

“A man,” you scream “I want a man!”

“Here you go!” said the genie.

Poof!  There in front of you….is a man.

But oh, oh Girl, you were not specific AT ALL.  And your first wish, well he’s full-on head-to-toe of all that you wish NOT for.  You did not use any adjectives and you didn’t give yourself a minute to think because you were beyond excited when the genie asked.  You jumped in with both feet.  Biting at the bit.  Ready for HIM.  This man in front of you is the answer to your first wish. You realize you have one more wish so you tell the genie for your second wish…. 

“I’d like a tall, dark and handsome man.  A man with bedroom eyes and broad shoulders and a smile that lights up the room.”

“Here you go!” said the genie.

Poof!  Your second wish now stands before you, looking more dashing than you ever imagined. Meow!You think to yourself….you’ve hit the jackpot.  You’re all smiles….that is until he opens his mouth and declares; what he wants, how he wants it and when!  A few more adjectives would have been nice. 🙁

I’m here to tell you this kind of wishing, this kind of identifying, this kind of non-descript imagination is what will get you into trouble in more places than the genie and his 2 wishes.  

When you set goals…use your imagination.  Think beyond the small mind you’ve been thinking from. List out more descriptives & when you think you’re done, list a few more. 

Declare it.  Name it.  Go get it.  Be very, very specific.

And like that excitement you had when declaring your wishes, go forth with that kind of attitude and you’ll be surprised what you’ll make happen.

Oh ya and have fun.

xoxo

Your God girl

Tracy  

Let Your Guard Down

Let your guard down….

It’s Sunday afternoon and while the sun is out the Midwest is not quite ready to give us Spring. It even snowed in parts of our state today.It’s ok. The sunshine is still good. It was our Spring Break and unfortunately it mostly rained.My daughter and I decided movies and board games would be how we celebrated a few days home.

We also got a whole lot more than five minutes together. Which for me was great. She shared a lot and I continue to hold my breath waiting for when she may not. For now I’m enjoying these moments. It got pretty deep. I value that she trusts me. I appreciate it.

Some of what she shared was about her Dad.

Our relationship, his and mine, is hard. Still. Rolling on a decade later.  I carry around a lot of anxiety when it comes to him. Which thankfully I thought… see the word thought I do a pretty good job keeping from our daughter.But everyone has their breaking point.

I didn’t realize how hard I had been holding it in until a conversation with my best friend.I am a private person when it comes to my personal life. Welp, ok y’all read my blogs.. but there are a handful of people who know all my nitty gritty.

I don’t want to be a burden.

Share too much.

Make waves.

So I hold it in.

Today I let it out. I cried. I shared some of my biggest fears and it was so incredibly scary. Honestly, it was terrifying.

Funny thing is every week I write these blogs but I can’t tell people I care about. I’m scared.My friend said he was surprised because it is so the opposite of who he knows me to be.And maybe that is why I was afraid. To share. To let my guard down. I take care of everyone. I have a job that puts me in a position where I have to be comfortable talking to EVERYONE.

Yet this anxiety, this stress I carry on my own.Luckily I have a person who does know me. And noticed. So I opened up. I shared. I let my guard down.

Here I am a few hours writing about it feeling for the first time in a long time like a lighter person.Wondering why I held onto this for so long. Maybe I hadn’t found the right person to let me guard down with. Maybe those deep talks with my daughter and surviving them gave me the courage.I really have no idea, but my hope for you is to have someone in your life who you can let guard down with.

Be safe and much love Mommas.

<3 Caprise

Clearing Out Behavioral Insanity

I have been pondering two words over the past couple days…foundation and wisdom.  Webster’s New World defines Foundation as ‘the base on which something rests’…this leads me to consider how many of us, myself included, live our lives resting on a solid foundation.  When you build a structure, it has to start with a solid and strong foundation, if it doesn’t the structure won’t hold up.  To have a successful life you must also start with a solid and strong foundation, otherwise you will have nothing to ground you when the going gets tough…and there are times when the going will get tough.

What makes a solid and strong foundation?  Is it integrity, a belief in God, ethics, treating others as you want to be treated, a forgiving heart, an open mind, perseverance, willpower, or a combination of all these and more?  I say a combination of the aforementioned and more…a solid and strong foundation comes from a belief that you have power in your own life and that you have the ability to change even the direst of circumstances as long as you can keep your wits about you.

A foundation is also strengthened by operating from a place of peace—meaning doing the things DAILY for yourself that keep you GROUNDED and feeling strong.  When we fail to care for ourselves, we become tired and weakened which opens a door to chaos, triggers and reactivity.  If you are a constant reaction in the middle of your life you will be incessantly pinging off the walls and in essence will be powerless to change anything.

Change can only come from being able to choose your response to a person or situation and this ability is born from having a strong foundation.

If we come from a place of understanding that our lives are based on principle and upon something more than our own pathetic self-concerns, then we are able to hold steady when life hits us with something unexpected.  We are further able to observe what is happening and then wisely choose a response.  If we are operating from a place of weakness and fear, then when life throws a curve ball we have no choice but to scramble and react, react, react.

As far as my life experience shows being a complete reaction has never solved anything, it just brings more trouble.

Seems like it would be prudent for all of us to give a little thought to what kind of foundation we are creating for ourselves daily …or do we wake up every morning and base our day on the reactions of the moment?

Wisdom is defined by Webster’s as ‘the power of judging rightly’…my definition of wisdom is something like ‘the conclusions you finally arrive at after life has knocked you around enough’…

Wisdom is something that comes over time and thankfully it is something that keeps expanding as we get older.  Wisdom is when it finally dawns on you that when you keep behaving the same way and doing the same things, you will get the same result.   The opposite of wisdom is insanity which Albert Einstein defines this way, “the definition of insanity is when you keep doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.”

How many times have we followed the same path over and over again expecting to end up at a different place?  Often we do this most in relationships, we follow the same MO and yet expect to end up with a different outcome…never happens… with certain situations we mirror that mouse running down the same path and still finding no cheese, yet we keep running with the same anticipation and zeal and then we are distraught when the outcome doesn’t change.

Funny thing is— on some level we all know better, yet we let our inner wisdom sit it out while we continue to behave like fools.

Let’s get more interested in exercising our wisdom muscles, we are tired of the same old song and the record is wearing out…it’s Spring and it seems like a good time to clear out behavioral insanity…what will you change today?

XXOO,

Noelle

Don’t Let Your Anger Consume You

Don’t let your anger consume you. It’s ok to be angry-angry at our kids, our friends, our coworkers, our boss, the person in your life. Angry for the things that happen to us in our lives,angry how people have treated us.

How do you get past it and move on?  How do you not let it control all the other areas of your life?  How do you not let it consume you?

I experienced a situation with someone that I was very close to (or thought I was very close to) that caused me much anger.  I was sad and so disappointed in myself and that person.

I had suspected that there was mistrust in our relationship and I ended the relationship.  Yep, I  ended it because I suspected the mistrust.  In the end, I never got any of the answers that I needed or wanted. 

I like things out in the open,all on the same page with what is expected.  And I have a hard time when people can not be honest back.  I had communicated that to him, but unfortunately he could not reciprocate that same communication.  I believe now that I was probably just told what he thought I wanted to hear.I  wish this could have all been avoided if he would have communicated instead of it leading to distrust.  

 I was angry at myself for letting this person in my life,so angry for that. I was angry because I allowed myself to put up blinders and I am still angry with myself for not following my gut or reading the signs.   I know everything that I probably believe is not all true, but I do know there was mistrust and dishonesty.  In the end, he obviously had very little respect for me.  

When It happened, I wanted to lash out…I did not understand.  I was so disappointed in myself.  How could I let this person in my life? How could I stand by this person for months?  How could I give him support when he needed it?

I was probably more angry with myself than with him.  I had to realize that as much as I wanted some answers on what was the truth, I was not going to get them.

I could try and piece it together in my head, but in the end It did not really matter.  I could spend months or endless days being angry but It was not going to change anything.   It happened and now I had to get past the anger I was feeling.

I have not had a lot of mistrust in my life.  I did not have mistrust growing up or in my past marriage, so this was new.  This was a new experience for me and I had to learn how to get past it.  I have been mad at people and experienced anger before, but not with mistrust involved.   

I knew if I did not get past it, It would take over other areas of my life. I would be stressed at my kids when I didn’t need to be.I would be short or annoyed with things that normally didn’t bother me.  I would just snap for no reason at all.  I would just be so mad and I had to let it go. 

I had to stop replaying everything and beating myself up.  Things happen in our lives, that make us so angry and it’s how we respond that gets us through it.  I feel I learn to let more and more go as I move through life,  I knew if I wanted to be happy again I had to just let this go. 

Let go of the hurt and disappointment… Not let it consume me.  

As I was pushing through this all,  I realized that it was ok for me to be angry at times. It was totally fine for me to have a rant to my friends every week about what I really thought and they would respond with all their juvenile name calling to make me feel better. 

I knew I had to get through the anger first before I could get through other areas affected by this… I had to get through this before I could trust or let people in again.  It was like the first layer that I had to peel through and then work on the rest.

-Snarky

 

www.snarkydivorcedgal.com

How’s It Going To Be?

How’s it going to be?

It’s Sunday and the time change has officially happened. I am officially not a fan. I have a third cup of not very warm coffee nearby and Third Eye Blind in my ears.

This week is officially one year. The world shut down. I’m starting to see posts on friends’ social media remembering. For me I quit a job, I honestly was on the verge of losing after fifteen years. I had just started again financially. My daughter was almost a teenager. I was starting to finally let someone in.

Then the world stopped.

Now a year later we are slowly opening back up. I have been back to work since August. So the awkwardness of being social, I got out of the way months ago.But I have worries.

Let’s start with the outlandish ones. It’s perhaps completely silly, but it’s something I’ve thought about a lot. In the last year there are people in my life I have stood by everyday. Called. Texted. Made sure they are loved and supported. Now that they can venture out…will they still need me? I know. I know.

But I mean they’ve been stuck with me for a year. So …

Then there’s the more serious worry. My daughter. Finally going back to school.I know she’s excited to see her friends but will she be safe? She will be a freshman who has never been in that building but then I think umm…that’s all the kids so…ok. Settle down there.

Her relationship with her Dad. He’s always been a bit flighty in seeing her but during this last year he REALLY leaned into that.Are they going to be ok?

I guess that is where I do my thing and support her as I have been.I don’t know how it’s gonna be, but this is what I do know.I continue to be thankful for the littlest of things. I really do have the most amazing kid. Seriously I hate how I got here, but for the most part I appreciate that I got to know people in my life in a different way.

So a year later there’s that and I’ll take it.

Be safe

Much love Mommas

💚Caprise

Work, Work, Work

Work, work, work…

I know.  Believe me.  I know. 

You don’t want to go to work. Not today nor any other day for that matter.  Neither do I.   

Guess what? 

It’s what you have to do for now.  Especially if you don’t get any financial support from your ex. 

YOU, my dear, have to go to work.  Oh boy, do I ever know how to row that ….Do-It-By-Yourself rowboat.  I got good at it too.  I had to.  I had a boy to raise.  What about you?

What do you have going on?  An only child?  Twins?  Three kids all under the age of 4?  Whoever it is over there, that you’ve been appointed and blessed and chosen to raise.  You’ve got to step up and do what has to be done. 

For now.

I had my son.  AND I only knew how to be a mom.  I didn’t know how…nor did I want to know… how to be the dad.  But I had to teach my son how to be a boy. 

Right?! 

A great boy.  A strong boy.  A boy who would some day be an amazing man.  A boy who would stick up for himself in the play yard.  A boy who would jump in when someone asked “Want to be on our team?”  A boy who would share his lunch with the kid who didn’t have one.  He’d be strong & courageous.  Confident & bold.  A leader.  A go-getter.  A lover of life. 

And THAT was my job to do.

For now.

You know how they say it takes a village to raise a child.  It’s true!  AND you should take advantage of all of those people, too.  Let everyone in your life help.  Everyone!  Ask questions, read books, learn about being a single mom and how to ‘parent’ alone.  How to fly solo.  Say yes more often.  Get involved, experience different things, show your children life. For now.

Be the confident, bold, go-getter that you want your child to be one day. 

And live in the village, happily, courageously.  Live Solo. 

For now.

xoxo

Your God-girl

Tracy

Warrior Mom Training 101

Warrior Mom Training 101:

Special Forces training in any branch of the Military is well-known as some of the toughest training and conditioning that exists…you must be optimally fit, quick to respond, ready for anything, tougher than nails, able to react in a split second and have the ability to solve problems instantaneously…you also must be able to endure physical pain, emotional discomfort and you must never, ever give up—there is no escape, no turning back, no “I don’t want to”—you have a mission and you must complete it or die trying. Period.

If you have never enlisted in the Military yet you crave this kind of training for excellence you will be happy to know there is another way to receive it…become a single mother.  I promise you that being a single mother will give you the training for excellence that you crave.  The drill is similar to what I described above, however in this situation the training never stops—the classroom is your life and the lessons never ending…

When you are ultimately responsible for another human being there are a lot of behaviors that you can no longer entertain…there is no “I don’t feel like it”, no “I can’t do it”, no “someone else will take care of it”, no “it’s not my problem”.  You have TO DO EVERYTHING, it’s all your problem and nobody cares if you “feel” like it or not…none of that even shows up on the screen.

No matter if you are sick, tired, lazy, angry, or sad you still have to take care of another human being…you have to see that they are clean, fed, safe, stable, happy and well-adjusted—even if you are not…

You are not allowed the grace of going to bed and pulling the covers over your head when life is looking shitty because someone is coming in your room, looking under the covers and asking you where their dinner is…

You may only have complete emotional meltdowns after your child is asleep and then you may only do it QUIETLY…there will be no crying loudly or howling in despair and it is really best if you lock yourself in the bathroom just in case the child awakens…not a good plan for your small person to see their beloved mother on her knees weeping in the living room—this could cause nightmares…and that just means you won’t sleep either…

As a single mother whose ex-husband lived in another state, I enjoyed the fact that someone talked to me from 6am until approx. 9pm, on weekdays there was a reprieve caused by school, however on the weekends the talking was non-stop from sun-up to sun-down(and now that he is 19 and has his own apartment there are TEXTS at all hours)…you may be filled with glee each Saturday and Sunday morning when you are joined in your bed by your son, Otter, Bunny, Kitty and Blue Covers…further enthralled when you are informed that you are TAKING UP TOO MUCH ROOM in your OWN bed.

There is no escape, no break, no quitting…there is only putting one foot in front of the other and doing the same thing over and over and over again…laundry, cleaning—constant cleaning, feeding, cooking, listening, explaining, yelling, crying, bathing, paying bills, working, taking care of the car, emptying trash, buying clothes, food shopping, changing shower heads and toilet seats, changing air filters, putting together toys, solving problems, teaching things, disciplining, etc, etc, etc

The list is endless…trust me.  And all of it must be done with a cheerful heart because ultimately it is the path I chose.  I chose not to live in a circumstance that was sucking the life out of me, I chose not to take child support or alimony because I wanted to move to another state and I wanted my ex to have travel money, I chose to raise this child as I saw fit and I chose not to give up who I was just to have someone to lean on…all of it my choice.  My choice was difficult, it was a hard road to hoe…some days were much more difficult than others; however I have no regrets, not one…never have.

This training and situation is not for everyone—certainly not for the faint of heart…and sometimes it is scary, however you make it through.  TRUST ME—YOU DO. 

Like the Special Forces, the single mother must be ready for anything, able to act or react in a split second depending on the circumstance at hand.  You must be physically tough and emotionally non-reactive and you must be able to solve a wide variety of problems, some of them involving legos and superheroes.  You must be able to endure picking up bugs and worms and must not run screaming when you see blood, you must carry Kleenex and anti-bacterial wipes and have emergency snack foods in your car at all times…band-aids too—you need band-aids.

The ultimate good news here is that this training will enable you to do ANYTHING…people are constantly asking me “how do you do all that you do?”—  My answer…I JUST DO IT…If I stopped to think about how I can do what needs to be done, nothing would get accomplished…you just DO IT, it doesn’t matter if you are tired, sick, overwhelmed, cranky, mad, sad…you just do it.  

How I feel on any given day doesn’t matter—no one else was there to run the companies, or get my son ready for camp, or pack lunch, or make breakfast, or drive to school…there was just me and I just DID it.

You have to create your life the way you want it, in every moment you have the choice to be enthusiastic or fowl, productive or lazy, angry or forgiving…there is no one else running your movie…it is just you, so make the best of it.