As I was getting ready to write this I went to our page and saw this quote from Brene Brown:
“Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves, even when we risk disappointing others.”
This quote hit my chest hard. If I’m being truthful I’m fighting tears as I write this. I have mentioned July was ugly. That damn suitcase I put under my bed keeps sliding closer to the edge.
My hardest month as I’m now going to refer to July has made me rethink what I need. As well as what I give out.
Because if I’m being honest, I am not the greatest friend. It’s not on purpose. But sometimes for me, it’s easier to run than face things head on. Or hold it all in until it’s Saturday night and I’m alone watching a TV show and a random scene makes me cry.
I struggle balancing everything.
I struggle asking for what I need.
I struggle with the fact I can’t be everything to everyone.
I feel like I let everyone down. Except that is not true.
I feel like I am not good enough. That is not true either.
So … over the last few weeks I have been setting boundaries. Which as the lady who has built a wall around herself was actually harder than you’d think. Fences as I am going to call these boundaries,you can see through. Walls don’t show you the reaction on the other side.
I have been speaking up.
Working really hard and this one is tough for me- to not compare myself to others. Exit from negative talk. Negative situations.
Put my phone down.
Listen to music.
Tell people I care.
Try not to be so worried, afraid…
I have survived so much. I’m not sure why I seem to forget that. The irony of this is I had someone recently ask me how I am able to keep so calm in stressful situations. I think maybe I’ve just been faking it really well. No more faking. I’m setting those boundaries.
Mommas it’s ok to set boundaries. It’s ok to show yourself the love you show others. It’s ok to struggle. All of those things in your suitcase under your bed… they have made you the amazing person you are.
You may add to it.
You might pull it out and look through it.
Or maybe it will finally collect dust.
Regardless much love Mommas.
I got put a suitcase away and build some more fences.