I Am Not Broken

I am not broken.

This past holiday weekend a blow up with my daughter over me wanting to see what she was watching on her iPad resulted in her sharing she feels responsible for her Dad and I not getting along.

I meant to write about how happy I am it’s Spring and how much I love the beautiful weather and I am.

I can not adequately put into words how good it is for my soul to wear sandals and open windows and feel the breeze.

But as much as I want to celebrate the new season my heart hurts that my daughter feels any kind of responsibility for things between her Dad and I.

I think I did things backwards with G.

But let’s be honest, there is no guide when you get divorced. Maybe I did things just right and she’s just hitting the age where she can see it.

Or maybe after nine years I’m worn out from trying to hide it.

Either way my heart sank when she said she doesn’t like knowing her  Dad and I don’t like each other.

She feels like I’m hurt, broken.

I stopped her.

For starters while I’m not her Dad’s biggest fan. I don’t not like him. But he makes some not great choices and G usually tends to be in the vicinity when he does.

I also let her know she is my sun, my moon, and my stars. Being her Mom actually fixed me. Being her Mom is the best thing in the world. She is the best thing in my world.

Not being with her Dad, while it’s not where I’d thought I’d be.

I’m happy.

And Mommas my heart is sinking that she thinks me being alone, not getting along with her Dad means I’m not happy.

This would be about the time I throw in a fun quote or try to lighten the mood.

I’m tapped.

I’m alone on Easter.

The only store that’s open already put their Easter candy away, and somehow I have to get in my daughter’s head and heart absolutely nothing between her Dad and I is her fault.

I thought I had.

Aww Mommas… this is a toughie

<3 Caprise

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2 thoughts on “I Am Not Broken

  1. Jessica

    Omg this times a million! I’ve been struggling with the fact that it’s time for me to call it quits in my marriage. But I worry about my kids SO MUCH! They see everything, they’re old enough, they get it. But do they? And that’s what hurts. I don’t want to let anyone down and in the meantime, I’m the one hurting. I”m so glad I fell upon this because I really needed to read this today. Your happiness is what matters. You’re a glowstick and you can teach your kids that it’s perfectly okay to be a glow stick. Sometimes we have to break before we shine. Chin up Mama!

    Reply
    1. Caprise

      Jessica,
      Thank you so much for your kind words and love, love, love, love the glowstick analogy more than you know.
      All best Momma
      Caprise

      Reply

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