On Being In Love

In one of my other blog posts, I wrote about the feeling of limerence, or basically, the “in love” feeling. It may have seemed that I downplayed the emotion, and the truth of the matter is that I meant to at the time. I have tossed it around in my head quite a lot lately and have reframed it some. I think it is important, in life, that we reassess and reevaluate our thoughts and beliefs. Otherwise, we would stagnate.

So, on being “in love:” you see I add air quotes when talking about it. I think I’ve reframed the emotions so much in my mind that I do not believe in using the term anymore. It is confusing because love and in love are not the same, yet they contain the same word. Just think about how many times you have heard people say, “we still love each other, we are just not in love anymore.” Is that not confusing? Also, how is it that I can date someone for a while and know without a doubt that I love them, but be unsure about whether or not I am in love with them? The emotions are different, they just are. They have similarities and goodness knows we need both in the world. I think that in my head though, I’ve given limerence a bad rap. It got me into some trouble in life and I have let that experience color the whole chemical filled emotion. It turns out, I don’t think that is fair.

I am a writer, not a scientist. I don’t look at my life objectively very well. I assimilate my experiences and try to ascribe theories to what I am going through. Then I watch others to see if their behavior supports my conjecture. When it does, I tend to think I’m onto something. And I did, with this. Don’t get me wrong, I still think the theory is correct, I just don’t think it is right to outright dismiss being in love.

You will find I am big on movie and literary quotes. Truthfully, this is because I am not arrogant. So many people have said things so much better than I ever could. Sometimes you may laugh or roll your eyes at the ones which have stuck with me, but there is always a reason. So, though I went slightly on a tangent, my point is this; I really love this quote from Armageddon because it completely proves me wrong. In the movie, a young woman’s boyfriend is going into space and the two of them are having a picnic before he leaves.

Grace: Baby, do you think it’s possible that anyone else in the world is doing this very same thing at this very same moment?

AJ: I hope so, otherwise, what the hell are we trying to save?

If you saw the movie, you would know they were in love and they were talking about being in love. And if they weren’t, that is how I interpreted it. The thing is, after considering it for a long time, being in love is one of the best feelings on Earth. The problem is that we want it to stay exactly how it feels in the beginning. Because the beginning is so great. I am sure in the future I will write on why it isn’t possible for those feelings to stay exactly the same, but for now I want to expound on the giddy feelings.

People deserve to feel those feelings. They are some of the best in the world. The euphoria you get when you look into someone’s eyes with whom you have a deep connection is honestly the stuff that makes the world go ‘round. I wish we could bottle it up and put it on a shelf for a rainy day. I wish all the bad things in the world did not happen, but with that feeling, the world cannot be all bad. I truly feel this way. And I truly understand why people chase it at all costs.

I have plenty of advice on love, but this is not about that. This is an acknowledgment that I was wrong to roll my eyes. I was wrong to dismiss being in love. I was wrong to act like it is an unwelcome visitor. It is wonderful, and fun. I’m lucky to have felt it, and I hope if you haven’t, you someday will.

Just remember, though it is wonderful, it comes with rules just like everything else. But I think maybe it takes strength to realize that you were wrong and admit it, and it takes strength to understand where you were right as well.

Stronger than yesterday,

Alice

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