Author Archives: staff

Our Significance is Worth It

Our Significance is Worth Focusing Our Energy On

I was with a group of friends, women, who gather frequently as we have all started businesses. We encourage each other and build one another up – even in areas that were not about business. On one such occasion one of the ladies wanted to take a step back from her business because she had to “deal with some people.”

The first thing I wondered was, “why do we do this?” As women, the first thing we do while in a crisis mode is remove the one good thing (or things) we have going for us – it’s as if we feel we must not deserve anything good.

This is backward thinking.

This young lady said that she was just “tired of being hurt by (certain) people’s” words and opinions of her then proceeded to rattle off a list of things she had to do as she was no longer going to tolerate or “allow” people to hurt her. She also said that because of this, it would take her time away from working her business. While it is good practice to declutter our lives of things that hinder us from moving upward, to intentionally put off our life goals and dreams to wrestle with other people’s opinion of us is counterintuitive.

We have to shift our focus.

 How people negatively feel about us doesn’t matter. It is our life and for us only to understand and live out. The negative and non-life giving opinions of others DO NOT MATTER so it is not what we should be focusing on.

I said to her this: “what you are actually doing – putting your business on hold, fighting and arguing with these people who have wronged you (what she called “dealing with”) – is trying to salvage the feeling of significance to that person or in what is left of that relationship. The reality is that you have been so focused on the who in the scenario that you missed the what: your significance lies within you; it always has. You just have to be the one to see it.”

The message is clear.

If we are too busy focusing on all that we have lost or have intentionally given up to go up, then our focus is OFF OF the things we have gained and will gain having done so – including our significance.

We must make it top priority to remember, we are purposefully created to shine our brightness on others, so let’s focus on that – that is our significance. <3

Love always,

Rainey

Be Her

Be her….

Do you have girlfriends you can call who will support you in your greatness? Girlfriends who will send you love over the phone or be with you to give you hugs? Girlfriends who understand no justification is necessary and love you even in the mess you may find yourself in?

Girlfriends know what to say and how to be and what to do. They sit when times are tough, they lend an ear when your words won’t stop, they hug when you’re falling down. They laugh from the belly when you do something Crazy. They watch your kids when the sitter leaves you high & dry. They bring a meal when you can’t get out of bed. They cry with you, giggle with you and rant on & on with you. Girlfriends know what to do.

Are you that kind of girlfriend? Do you stop your nonsense to lend a hand? Do you reach out when you’re tired because you know your bestie is having the worst day of her life? Do you care and love and give and hold? It takes a lot to step up and be that kind of friend. It takes courage and compassion and selflessness.

Be the one who someone calls because she knows she can count on you. All Day.

 Be the one who puts smiles on faces, sends birthday wishes & opens her arms to others.

 Be the one who at the end of the day puts her head on her pillow, down right knowing that she stepped out and gave of herself to another with nothing but honest, authentic giving.

Be Her all day long. Truth. Real. Raw. Your giving opens up space & gives permission for your girlfriends to Be Her too.

 

Your God Girl,

Tracy

I Gotta Live

You gotta live!

If you are a faithful follower of this page you know we like to give out regular reminders of how you should look out for yourself. Take care of yourself. Take time for yourself.

The reality as Moms it’s just not something we do.

And if we do- the guilt we lay on ourselves or let others lay on us is huge.

That guilt also tends to hold us back.

We are Moms we put everyone first, it’s what we do. It’s how we’re built.

But sometimes life hands you a timetable.

That’s when you can’t sit on your hands anymore and wait.

I feel like what I’m about to write is a constant in my blogs. It’s ok to ask for what you need.

Maybe I write this a lot because I’m not great at it. I struggle to ask for more time. To tell people when I’m hurt. Sad. Jealous. Mad. Even happy. I don’t want to be too much or not enough so I sit on my hands and wait.

Then one day life hands you a timetable.

I’ve always had one.

We all do. Some of us just have timetables written in green neon we can’t control while others get a dry erase board.

Either way.

You gotta live.

I spent a long weekend with some of my favorite humans and came clean about a lot of big things in my life and kept waiting for a shoe to drop that never did.

Instead my people rallied and scolded and put things on the calendar.

I have my reasons for having a tight reign on my life and some are valid but some hold me back.

I made big changes in my life to show my daughter a person who loves you should not hold you back. It’s ironic I don’t seem to love myself enough to do the same.

That ends know.

My timetable is neon green.

One light/letter is already out.

In the words of one of favorite people “I gotta live.”

You do too Mommas,

You do too,

<3 Caprise

No One Has It Together

I have a big fat, mind blowing, earth shattering, life changing reality check for you. It’s something that took me a long time to realize and even longer to embrace. It’s also something I have to remind myself of on a regular basis!

Are you ready for it?

Really ready?

No one has their shit together. Not me, not you. Not your pastor, banker, mayor, doctor, librarian or hair dresser. Not your neighbor across the street whose entire yard and house make the homes from the latest edition of Home and Garden look sad and pathetic. Not the president of the PTA who is on every committee, and at every bake sale. Not your college roommate who just landed their dream job. And not even your brother’s, girlfriend’s, cousin’s, neighbor’s uncle that just won the lottery.

Newsflash! Everyone has something in their lives they want to be different. Just because their lives look great on the surface, doesn’t mean they have it all figured out! That neighbor with the perfect house may be struggling with overwhelming anxiety and OCD, and their spotless home and yard are how they cope. (Or may be a sign they AREN’T coping!) The PTA mom might be throwing herself into volunteer work because her marriage is falling apart. Your college roommate may have gotten their dream job, but also just got diagnosed with cancer. And let’s be real here, when has winning the lottery EVER actually solved all of someone’s problems?

It has taken me YEARS to get to the point where I no longer have to fight the urge to laugh in someone’s face, when they tell me that I inspire them or that they look up to me. My internal reaction is still “Oh honey, if only you knew!” Now, however I am able to step back and see what they see. A strong, capable, single mom with special needs kids, who works full time, finds time to volunteer, goes to church (albeit irregularly), gets to the gym (also irregularly) and manages some semblance of a social life. What they don’t see are the days that my anxiety is overwhelming, the times I lose my temper on my kids, the fact that my housekeeping style is best described as “there appears to have been a struggle” or the fact that I quite literally live on caffeine and carbs most days because I honestly can’t remember the last time I woke up feeling rested.

The more you start really connecting with other people, the more you realize that their lives aren’t as perfect as they appear on the surface. The stronger the person appears the rockier their past usually is. What you see is someone strong, and brave. What they feel is broken and defeated. Every time someone tells me they finally feel like they have their ducks in a row, they get hit with a life changing curve-ball. Heck, the entirety of my last few years has been one huge curve-ball after another!

Don’t get me wrong, by no means am I saying not to try! What I am saying, is cut yourself some slack. Stop comparing your journey to other people’s, and start appreciating the life you have. Stop striving for perfection and start being proud of your progress. If you aren’t satisfied with a certain aspect of your life, find a way to change it.

So, go out there. Grow. Heal. Learn. Embrace your beautiful disaster of a self. And most importantly, remember no one really has their shit together. We are all just winging it.

Embrace your perfectly imperfect self,

-Charli

https://thechroniclesofchuck.home.blog/

Everything In Its Place

When my son, who is now 22, was a little boy, I was allllll about “THERE’S A PLACE FOR EVERYTHING AND EVERYTHING IN ITS PLACE.” That was more for me than it was for him or for anyone else, really. You see, I didn’t want it to take 20 minutes for us get out the door every time we had somewhere to go.

When we were going to “Mommy & Me”, I wanted to know where my purse and his jacket and his firetruck were. At my fingertips, there had to be his bestest friend “Freddie” and his car snack bag & his play bag. “What about the bag of hand me downs for the other boys?” Oh AND MY COFFEE. Etc etc etc. Until WHOOSH, we were out the door in no time flat. That’s why I put things in their place.

If everything is where it belongs…. it takes no time to get everything together and go.

Life just works better when you’re organized…. and on purpose with your life. You show up on time AND you’re in a happier mood because you weren’t running around the house like a banshee looking for everything, everywhere. You didn’t have to open and close the closet door 5 times, you didn’t have to look under the bed…again. It’s all right there . The kids and all you need….are out the door with you.

The most important part in this is to let the kids put their things where they go…not you. And when they ask “HEY MOM….where’s my xyz?” You can tell them “It’s where you left it.” They will learn on their own along with your teachings and guidance how important it is to keep things tidy…..Especially when mom says “The bus is leaving in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1” And you walk out the door.

Your God Girl,

Tracy

What’s My Age Again?

Here I am again writing about my age, getting older and it’s impact, especially on our perception of beauty. One of the very first posts I wrote was on retrospect a kind of ranty post about how I have earned the right to be who I am as I age. This all started as it does because of an insomnia fueled evening spent too long on social media. Filters, crops, edits. Likes, loves. It got me thinking. As we get older is beauty really authentic or filtered. How do you define it? What does it look like? Feel like? What does beauty and aging mean?

Knowing I had a blog post due I asked.

The irony is as I have talked to others I wasn’t too far off from my original post.

Here are the amazing words of the people in my life:

“It equates denial.”

“It’s confidence, kindness. I’ve earned every wrinkle and silver strand of hair just by living life. I feel pretty lucky to be alive.”

“Being confident in who I am and who God made me to be. Aging is great when you realize through the years that those things that make you NOT look like everyone else, are the things that make you uniquely you, and that’s where true beauty is found.”

“I think we live in a pretty awesome time to be “aging” women. When I hit 40, I felt so much more free. And as I get closer to 50, I feel my most amazing, healthy, radiant, and yes beautiful. Now it’s about ME and I finally really, truly don’t care what people think. Plus we have some awesome role models.”

Beauty as you get older is truly relative. When people say it’s all about your attitude I’m here to say I think I finally get it.

At the end of the day whatever makes you happy, brings joy to your life, gives you that spark isn’t that what it’s really all about?

I truly look forward to more adventures. Hopefully becoming a Grandma. Even if it’s of the four legged variety. Beautiful silver hair like my Great Grandmother Mary had. Less makeup or more. Finding my favorite outfit and signature perfume.

Those are the legacies my Grandmothers gave me.

Either way.

Every wrinkle

Piece of hair glitter

They are our mile markers of a life lived.

Much love Mommas,

<3 Caprise

Keep It Simple Sweetie(K.I.S.S.)

Keep it simple, Sweetie. When most of us try to move forward, make a change, or start our soul journey, we may tend to over complicate things. We can make things harder than they need to be and leave ourselves in a confused distraught mess. 

Not to long ago I found myself in an anonymous self help group.  I am a co-dependent, my addiction is people and problems. I didn’t know why life and functioning healthily didn’t just click for me, and the majority of the people in my life were addicts and alcoholics, who displayed similar but different dysfunctions as me. 

My overthinking drove me into the ground, I would reach out to others in this group, and they would tell me Keep it simple sweetie, and let go and let god. It was hard for me to understand how could I just let go of this complicated mess ( that I thought I needed to fix most of the time) until realized I was the one making it complicated. I was usually trying to bend the situation or outcome to what I desired it to be. Letting go and keeping it simple helped me keep my head above water.

Other times I found myself going stagnant, I found boat loads of wisdom in the phrase Easy does it, but do it damn it. If it means you have to take a slower pace to work on certain things, that may be pain full so be it as long as you are moving forward, and not getting complacent.

When things turn upside down and i’m not sure which way is up, or things seem just a little too rough I use these two phrases as checks and balances. Am I keeping it simple? Am I continually pushing forward? Am I letting go of the things that aren’t meant for me?

On our journey it is good to keep ways to check and balance ourselves and our path, so that even when we wander we will never be lost.

Learning, Loving, Growing

Ali

Learn To Make No Plans

We made no plans and it was such a great weekend. The temperature was -15 below zero this morning. The kids and I laid in bed and did nothing for hours. We had breakfast at 11am because It’s what we wanted to do….

After I was recently divorced, I felt that when I had my kids I had to spend every minute with them and entertain them all the time. I would have the entire weekend planned with activities and events. We would visit family, friends, go to a waterpark, MOA, shopping, etc… I was exhausted with planning events and taking them everywhere. My daughter finally said “ Can’t we just stay home” and I didn’t understand why she would want to stay home. It took me over a year to realize that my kids could care less about going places. They just wanted to spend time at home. They wanted to hang out, watch movies, play video games, have sleepovers, and destroy the living room with Doritos. They wanted to sleep in until 11 or stay up until midnight. They wanted to be comfortable and be a kid.

I am a planner and I LOVE to plan my day. I plan everything in my day…and this killed me to just have days where we didn’t plan anything or let the day plan itself. This was very hard for me because I had complete mom guilt from the divorce and I wanted them to enjoy all of our time together. I thought I needed to make up for the time that I was not with them. It took me along time to realize that my kids were the same kids as before my divorce… They wanted to be themselves, be comfortable, and didn’t need all the extras. So, I realized that I could go to the gym, I could clean the house, paint my bathroom, go for a walk with a friend, or just have leftovers for dinner. We didn’t need to have some extravagant weekend planned. And it also meant that I couldn’t plan every activity or weekend. I had to let them make choices and tell me what they wanted. This is a very hard thing for a planner..so hard.

And now I LOVE these days or weekends.. Sometimes we skip activities or church just because I want too. Going out to eat is one of their favorite things to do together. At first, I thought it was nuts and a waste of money. However, I realized this was one thing that we all enjoyed to do together and it was uninterrupted. They couldn’t escape sitting with each other at a restaurant and we had to talk. Their other favorite activity is going to Target. Yes, my kids love to go to target. They like to all go together and walk around…So on Fridays, I pick them up from school and we go to Starbucks and Target. Not to Zoo or a waterpark, but Target..seriously Target.

I let me kids plan their day.. Don’t get me wrong it’s not like a house party and I do have some control, but I let them have friends over and spend time doing what they want. It is still hard for me at times.. I come up with these great ideas…and they just don’t want to do them.

Snarky divorced gal (snarkydivorcedgal.com)

Birds Of A Feather

Growing up I heard birds of a feather flock together. This statement is only partially true, the more you hang around people the more you start to mirror them. Humans are naturally social creatures. The odd duck gets left behind, it’s kind of a evolutionary response to become like the people you surround yourself with.

The top five people you interact with will rub off on you, Including the people you interact with on social media. Actually I am starting to believe social media may have a as big or bigger impact on us than real life interactions. In person socialization for the most part is more filtered unless you are extremely close with that person. On social media there a little to no filters especially on negativity and the dark sides of an individual.

If you would I would like you to take a moment, scroll through your timeline and pay attention. How much of is it negative? I bet a majority of you will be surprised. You may think, what do I do now? I don’t want to unfriend this person I care about. I recommend changing the settings for following frequency and finding positive people and pages to see majority in your social media.

You can still love and be apart of people’s lives without letting their ish influence you.

I myself love to surround myself with people I aspire to be like, it keeps me on a path of continuous growth, and protects me from getting comfortable and sliding backwards. There are a few people I still talk to that I used to talk to everyday, once I started working on myself I outgrew them. It’s ok to outgrow people who are important to us. There have only been a handful a people that even though I loved them dearly, I had to let go and cut them out completely. This is because once I started healing and growing I realized they were a toxic influence on me. These people weren’t, and aren’t bad people, they had just become toxic to the path I had started on, and they would have pulled me back down before I would have ever been able to pull them up.

Surround yourself with the success, joy, love, and anything else you want to become. Find those qualities in others and find your soul tribe.

Learning, Loving, Growing

Ali

Gratitude Is Like A Birthday Present

Is it my birthday

Gratitude is like birthday presents. It comes in all different sizes & packages. It comes from places you expect and places that surprise you. Some gifts rock your world while others look like they were a re-gift from the 80’s. Some are given with the fullness of authentic love while others are backed up with an obligation attitude.

To express gratitude takes effort. To stop in your tracks and have the thought is good, but then to speak the words… that takes a conscious act of the heart.

It could look like this:

A small size gratitude could look like a 20 second thanks while you’re running between errands and someone held the door for you.

A medium gratitude might look like a surprise as someone gives you a treat you never would’ve imagined, & you blurt out a laughter within the Thank You.

A large size gratitude comes from deep within your soul where truthful thanks exist. You take a minute to give an honest word of thanksgiving, you look the person in the eyes & you let them know you mean what you say.

The true spirit comes from a thankful heart. A heart who knows things could be worse, acknowledges it is exactly how it is supposed to be right now and it is GOOD. How do you do that you may ask….. What is there possibly to be grateful for in your tragic drama-full life.” You say. An attitude of gratitude can be practiced every day starting with little things, meaningful details, acceptance of mediocrity. A good way to get yourself in the mood is to start a journal and write down 3 things your grateful for every day and see where it takes you

Start here: ….. toothbrush & toothpaste, a hot cup of coffee, clean clothes, hot shower.

It could take you to a happy place you never knew existed.

Your God Girl,

Tracy