Author Archives: staff

Gratitude Is Like A Birthday Present

Is it my birthday

Gratitude is like birthday presents. It comes in all different sizes & packages. It comes from places you expect and places that surprise you. Some gifts rock your world while others look like they were a re-gift from the 80’s. Some are given with the fullness of authentic love while others are backed up with an obligation attitude.

To express gratitude takes effort. To stop in your tracks and have the thought is good, but then to speak the words… that takes a conscious act of the heart.

It could look like this:

A small size gratitude could look like a 20 second thanks while you’re running between errands and someone held the door for you.

A medium gratitude might look like a surprise as someone gives you a treat you never would’ve imagined, & you blurt out a laughter within the Thank You.

A large size gratitude comes from deep within your soul where truthful thanks exist. You take a minute to give an honest word of thanksgiving, you look the person in the eyes & you let them know you mean what you say.

The true spirit comes from a thankful heart. A heart who knows things could be worse, acknowledges it is exactly how it is supposed to be right now and it is GOOD. How do you do that you may ask….. What is there possibly to be grateful for in your tragic drama-full life.” You say. An attitude of gratitude can be practiced every day starting with little things, meaningful details, acceptance of mediocrity. A good way to get yourself in the mood is to start a journal and write down 3 things your grateful for every day and see where it takes you

Start here: ….. toothbrush & toothpaste, a hot cup of coffee, clean clothes, hot shower.

It could take you to a happy place you never knew existed.

Your God Girl,

Tracy

You Are More, You Are A Rockstar

You are more, you ARE a rockstar!

Over Memorial Day weekend I did something I think a lot of people in my life didn’t think I could do.

I traveled across the country by myself. I had a working vacation.

My vacation running a music stage for three days at a festival in Napa Valley.

I made sure the musicians got what they needed, got on and off the stage, all communication came through me. I knew one person. I had no car. It was a huge adventure.

The last trip I took my daughter was two and a half and was with my ex husband it was our five year anniversary trip to Jamaica. It was three months after we had started talking about splitting up.

Needless to say not a great trip.

After that my trips have been limited to family vacations. Work trips where there are always colleagues along. But nothing like this.

I think sometimes when you become a Mom people forget you are more than just a Mom.

It’s easy to assume because your life has changed maybe there are certain things you can’t handle.

People forget when you made the decision to leave you had to handle a whole lot.

That even now you handle a whole lot.

People sometimes assume because you don’t wear everything out on your sleeve, running around with rockstars is not something a Mom could do.

Some would say should do.

My biggest cheerleader was the one who got me the job. He has known me since I was in college. He has seen my ups and downs. He knows I’m not easily fazed. Also, as he put it since I work with children regularly and am a Mom this would be in my wheelhouse.

My point in all of this… you are more than the greatest job on the world. In fact because of that job let’s just be honest, you can handle a WHOLE lot.

Even a DJ’s assistant getting crabby because a band who had been going nonstop didn’t autograph a poster.

Or your daughter kicking you out of the bathroom mid hair dry.

Either or.

You a superstars.

Let’s call it- you’re rockstars!

Much love Mommas

<3 Caprise

You Don’t Need A Cape, You Already Have Wings

I am here to tell you that you don’t need a cape, you already have wings…I am sitting in a silent house after a week-long spring break trip that I haven’t taken since “The Trip” back in April 2016. One would think that I would feel rested, recharged, rejuvenated. Well…. I was. Sort of.

Let me tell you about the flight home after an amazing trip with my two favorite teenage humans. Picture this, tribe… 3 solid hours of turbulence. I even considered if the pilot was on his maiden flight. This was enhanced by one terrified teenager who has a legit fear of flying and one teenager who does what all teenagers do best, slumped – passed out cold… the entire flight. Mix that in with several (and I mean SEVERAL) sick children who were projectile vomiting from the turbulence (Yep, you are absolutely correct – there is NO fresh air on an airplane) and the overwhelming and recycled stench of kiddy vomit… Is this real life? Yes. It was. It happened, and I lived through it this past weekend. Eventually, I ended up getting home and feeling like I needed a vacation all over again. Please do not get me wrong here… I am 100% grateful that I got this experience and quality time with my kids, and that I had the means to go on such a trip with them. I am blessed beyond measure, and I do not take one of those moments (or any for that matter) for granted.

Wait, wait, wait…. You’re wondering what I meant by “The Trip” that I mentioned above back in 2016. Ah. Yep, That. Well, I think its time to get over my paralyzing fears, stare it directly in the eye and decide today is the day that I keep looking forward, and quit looking back to see if the past is still there. It’s there. It hasn’t left. I can still feel it. I can still see it. I can still hear it. I can’t unsee it, unhear it or unfeel it. It’s now part of who I have become.

It was around this time three years ago (almost to the day) that my world completely fell of its axis. No, literally. My entire personal world that I lived in completely blew up. In an instant. It was the day I became a working single mom.

I’m not going to dig into any of the details, much of which even after three years are still very fresh to my heart and soul, and the cuts are still very deep and still bleed on occasion. I can tell you with 100% certainty that I was absolutely blind-sided and was not in any way, shape, or form ready for what was going to happen to my life. It was never something I had signed up for or wanted. EVER. After all, I had been the living fairytale. I married my high school sweetheart and at that point had spent 20 years of my then 36 years of life with him. We had been married for 13 years at that point and had two beautiful children. Was our life glitter, rainbows and unicorns? Absolutely not. Was it perfect? No way. But, it was MY version of perfect. It was my world. My life. My everything – – until it just wasn’t any longer. I came back from spring break with my kiddos (he did not join us on this trip) to my then hero, lover, best friend, my person, and love of my life… telling me he no longer wanted to be in our marriage. He wanted out, and he left me. MIND BLOWN. EARTH SHATTERED. To make it worse, I was told in public. In a bar. Yep. That happened.

Let’s take the 35,000 foot detour for a second, and get you caught up to speed – and get off the backstory train. I spent three long and painful years desperately trying to hold onto my marriage and save my family. I pleaded with God. I got angry. I got spiteful. I cried millions and millions of tears. I felt abandoned, hopeless, jaded – any feeling you can come up with – I assure you I felt them and I mastered them. I lost weight and shrunk faster than washing a 100% cotton shirt in scalding hot water and putting it in the dryer on high heat for an hour. Some days, I literally begged to die – because the pain inside of me was so much, so deep, so hard – I couldn’t stand another minute. Failure was not a word that was ever in my vocabulary – and here I was – the picture of failure right next to the word in good oleWebster’s.

Long story short, we divorced right before this past Christmas – and the holidays, well – let’s just say they were pretty much a blur. Kind of like when you squint and look at the lights on the tree. They are there, but you really can’t make out what it is, but you obviously know.

I have a point here, trust me – and stay with me because hopefully – there is someone out there just like me who was right where I was or is even now. I look at the day-to-day and I still hurt. I hurt when I look at my kids when we are now a party of 3 that used to be 4. I hurt when I go to bed in a king sized bed alone and hover on the far side of the bed – and wake up in the same position, barely had moved. I have good day and bad days.

When looking at it by the “days” or “moments – I have felt like I haven’t moved an inch much less a mile. However, when I look back at the last three years as a “whole” – Tribe, let me tell you – I have moved mountains I didn’t think could be moved. I have traveled so far that I can’t see where I started even though I know it exists. I have grown, stretched myself, and learned more about myself and have undoubtedly proved myself wrong every single step of the way. I have survived 100% of my worst days. TRUE STORY!

I am alive to tell the tale. To not only myself, but to my two beautiful children and any one of you that are reading this. I have cried myself to sleep. I have eaten completely alone in a restaurant. I have gone to a wedding solo. I have wondered how I can make it another day. However, I have smiled. I have laughed. I have found strength in the deepest places I never knew existed. Hell, all of this brought me here to all of YOUright here and now. I am walking side by side with you. Our arms are linked, and we are in lock step. I am one of you. We’re a tribe and let me tell you – we’re strong. We’re not going anywhere and despite what you feel (or don’t feel) inside – we got this, and not only do we – we’ll do it twice and take pictures to prove it. (Insert “Amen” here!)

Humor me and consider this for a few moments. I want you to look in the mirror. I don’t want you to worry about the bags under your eyes from the lack of sleep you got last night because your child was up sick all night or because your teenager had their first heartbreak. Don’t look at the extra curves that may surround your waistline because you have been working so hard to provide, you haven’t gotten the chance to get to the gym. It’s not necessary to look at the dry shampoo residue in your hair. What I want you to do is look past the refection staring back at you, and for God’s sake, don’t judge the woman staring back. Only you know what storms she has been through. Only you know where she has been, and where she is going. You’re the only one who has lived her life. You’re the expert of the person you see in the mirror. No one knows her better than you.

Every single day is a new opportunity to start again. Reinvent yourself. Try something new. Spread your wings. I encourage you to do so, even when you’re paralyzed in fear, or have no idea where to even start. If you want to lay in bed all day, hide from the world, and pretend that you are non-existent; go ahead, do it for a day or two. But remember, you don’t live there. You don’t belong there anyway – and it’s not a destination. Here’s why…

If I have learned anything, it’s this. You have smaller humans that are watching your every move. Your attitudes, your composure, your strength, and endurance. They are building their character traits based on your examples. We’re helping shape who they become. Albeit – there is this saying but man oh man is it a good one…. Show your daughters how to be treated by a man and show your sons how to treat a woman. You’re showing them this tribe… and guess what… you’re doing an amazing job. No matter what yesterday’s mascara has to say about it.

Keep chugging the lattes. Keep being that laundry warrior. Be who you need yourself to be for you and for them. We’re all here to cheer you on along the way, and to pick you up and carry you when you feel like you can’t. That’s what tribes do.

Until we meet again…

Jenn

Put Down That Baggage

When is time to get rid of the baggage? ….when it weighs you down, when it distracts you, when you don’t even remember where you got it. Is that when it’s time? OR when the thoughts of it cause your body to cringe in it’s place. OR stay in bed, OR give in on yourself. How about when the burdens created by having it outweigh the good you want in your life!!?

I’m not talking about STUFF. I’m talking about the thoughts, feelings, ideas the stuff that can suffocate your growth. I’m talking big baggage, old baggage, baggage from childhood, from your last romantic relationship, from girlfriend friendships gone bad, from broken dreams and lost promises. THAT baggage.

Are you carrying around any self-righteousness, conceit, negativity, ignorance, anger, upset?

Are you going on and on about She said, He said, They did, blah blah blah.

Is it time to let all that go? Do you want to be free from the bondages they have on you? Do you want to live life in a new way? Embrace joy? Own passion? Express excitement?

Eyes wide open with the baggage you carry. Hearts longing for something new.

Let it all go. You will be different. Most of all, you’ll breath with a smile on your face and love in your heart. Youre not who you were yesterday. No longer living the way you did. Are you ready to give up your old ways? Put the baggage down? Stop the drama about all of it? Be prepared to live enlightened, redeemed, humbled, grateful, & positively happily content.

You may not be as popular, needed, admired… well not in the WORLD anyway. But you will be HAPPILY JOYFULLY FREE in YOU….. And that my friend….. is really what matters most.

Your God Girl,

Tracy

 

Can You Get That For Me?

Can you get that for me?…

I was all set to write about my California adventures but something more important has happened.

My daughter is now taller than me.

I’m gonna need a moment.

Now granted I’m 5ft 2in so I am a small person, but she’s eleven.

Eleven (!)

I already feel like our lives go a million seconds a minute now this.

She of course is elated.

Me….

My heart is breaking.

She already doesn’t need me to tuck her in.

She will ask me if I’m going to leave when I go in her room after work to say hi.

Is this going to make her need me less?

I already have not the stage where things I do embarrass her. Although by virtue of who I am that feels like a challenge.

Also I am pretty sure the people in the car next to us at the stoplight DO enjoy my singing along loudly to Jump Around.

Even if she doesn’t.

I realize we are hitting those years and I am scared. I feel like I haven’t done enough. I’m not ready.

I’m not ready for her not to need me.

I’m not ready for her to be taller than me.

Or maybe I am.

Now I have someone who can get stuff off the shelf for me.

So there’s that.

She’s an amazing kid and I knew this day was coming- just maybe not this fast.

For now I’ll take solace in the fact tonight she still wanted a hug at bedtime.

We got this Mommas

Or at least we’re gonna pretend we do.

<3 Caprise

Spiritual Development

It wasn’t until I accepted my spiritual side that I began to heal.

What truly separates us from other species on this planet. To some extent its our emotions, but there are many other animals that can display emotions. Some believe our ability to communicate, our intelligence and mental cognition is the key, but animals can be taught to do the things we do and even teach certain species sign language.

I believe what sets humans apart is Spirituality. I think spirituality is the key defining factor of the human condition. We search for meaning, we try to find out place, we try to connect to the power that is greater than us and find its design in the mess called life. Now I am an amatuer in this catagory. I don’t claim to have any answers on what the higher power is or isn’t, or what that higher power had in mind when all of this was put together. I feel, and sense something, I know I am not alone.

When I was on my downspiral when I had hit bottom in my life, when I felt like a failure I acted like a defiant child not getting their way with crossed arms and declared non belief in a creator.  I found out fast that rock bottom had a basement, I triggered something toxicand it ate away at the hope and joy in me. I had turned my back on the powers that be claiming they’d abandoned me.

The pain, the sorrow, and how lost I felt after that point I wouldn’t wish on anyone.

It wasn’t until I accepted my spiritual side that I began to heal.

I highly urge and recommend we become students our spiritual nature. Discover what it means for you to be spiritual. You do not have to label your spirtual side with a religious title, you do not even ever have to share it with anybody. Your spirit, your spiritual nature is for you alone. Its how we fill that hole in our chest and breathe just a little easier. Learn how to feed, water and grow that side of you to become a better, happier, more successful person.

 

Living, Loving, Growing

 

Ali

How Do I Pick Out Curtains?

Who knew of all the different types of curtains that are available these days… seriously.. .All I know is that now I am picking out these things all by myself. I had rented a house with a million windows and all I needed was curtains. ughh… seems easy doesn’t it.

I spent months in the divorce process and then its final. Where do you start? What do you do with your life now? So many questions running through your head.. For months I had lived in a bubble, just getting through the day and not thinking anything else. What do you do first after your divorce? Many you have never worked or even lived by yourself, but now at age 40 you are on your own. You get to pick out your own curtains or your own furniture. You don’t have to ask anyone’s opinion, which can be exciting and scary at the same time. Or the other side is now you have no one to ask the easy questions too.. I did not know of all the small decisions I would need to make by myself.

I had lived in a bubble for so long. Going through all the emotions and then when the divorce process starts It takes over your life. And once its final, you have to stop and think what do I do now. I think we all get ahead of ourselves and want to build this new life so fast. I think the best advice I can give anyone that is starting over after divorce is to take it slow and learn about yourself. It’s hard for me to remember the days or months right after my divorce, I think I was in such a bubble or daze throughout the process that it’s hard to remember all the changes. It was being on constant autopilot and no time to process the changes that I was going through. We all want to put our kids first and make sure they are happy, however its so important that we are learning to be happy also.

Take time to really learn about what you now want. Some days will really suck, you learn you need to do things all by yourself. You might have never picked out your own curtains, so this is new to you you and it might take you a day to make that decision or it might take you months…either way, it doesn’t matter because you did it. Some days you might want to lay in your robe until 2pm and do nothing, and you can… You can take the time and do what you need. Start figuring out what you want in your life for you.

You might make one decision by yourself and you should celebrate. Something that seems so small might be your biggest accomplishment. Take the wins!!

Snarkydivorcedgal (www.snarkydivorcedgal.com)

What’s Driving Your Life?

What’s driving your life? What you allow behind the wheel is a huge factor on the quality of your life. Are you fear driven? Constantly worrying what can and will go wrong? Do you find yourself expecting more and more negative things to happen?

Whatever you let run your main thought pattern is what you will manifest into your life. Whatever you tell yourself is true because you will make it true, you will attract it to you.

It takes courage to shed the negativity. Most people hold onto it almost as a security blanket. Thinking its “safer, to not get their hopes up” thinking that staying negative protects them from more painful disappointment. Negative thinking is a trap and I urge you to find the courage to escape.

Letting positive curiosity and wonderment drive you. It’s scary, its raw, it is an amplified joyous life. Finding your inner peace, being aligned with yourself helps you overcome the turbulence of life’s ups & downs. Find your passions, talents/gifts and harness them. Do not fear failure, never regret trying and giving your all. The only true failure in life is never starting and then collecting regrets.

Fear is a chain we need to break, but it is also a sign. Anything worth doing in your life is going to be scary, or downright terrifying.Nothing  good ever comes from our comfort zones; The fear pushes us out of our comfort zone and kick starts our growth, that fear and adrenaline is the first building block of anything great.

To keep building our life, the path we are meant to walk we have to keep growing. Whether We will become or create something spectacular, or watch it crash, burn or hide from it all depends on what we have driving us.

Keep growing loving and learning,

Ali

Relationship Goals

Relationship Goals..A million moons ago before I was married, divorced, and a Mom.

I dated. A little more than I’d care to admit.

Lots of blind dates.

One of my very first blind dates was with a listener from my radio station.

Typically I didn’t date guys who listened to me on the radio, because it always felt to me like I was not going to be the person they listened to.

But he wore me down.

On said date he asked me what I wanted in life.

I answered a relationship like my Mom and Dad.

He did not ask me out for a second date.

However, the answer is still accurate.

My parents met in high school. I was born shortly after they graduated with a laundry list of health problems.

I can’t imagine being teenagers and going through what they did.

But they did and are still together forty seven plus years later.

So what is it about their relationship I covet?

Let’s start with they will tell you they’re best friends.

How they have always treated each other as equals. Or in my Dad’s case he will tell you that my Mom is in charge.

That even though they are opposite in a lot of things they have learned to compromise. With maybe a battle or two in between.

Don’t be afraid to know what you want Mommas.

That date wasn’t so great anyway.

<3 Caprise

Welcome Spring

Welcoming Spring…we think rain, rain go away come again another day. It has been raining a lot lately, here in the Boston area. I remember when my son was little, he would beg me to let him go outside to play when it was raining. He would stand under the gutter spout and let it pour down on him. He would run around the yard in circles, with arms flailing, until he got so dizzy, he would fall. Laughing the whole time. Ah to be a kid again.

This thought has me stop. Right now. To put it on my to-do list “next time it’s raining…go outside, play like a little kid and bask in the glory of the rain”.

I sit here this morning watching the birds at the bird feeder, looking at the beautiful flowers popping up everywhere and I am overwhelmed with joy. If not for the rain…. We are blessed by the rain in so many ways.

Spring…with all the rain and the beautiful sunshine. It is a time of beginning, renewing, awakening. All that was asleep for the whole winter…. is now coming out to play. All that was quiet and inside and hunkered down is now up and at ‘em….living large.

The flowers, butterflies, bees, & dragonflies. The children with bicycles and roller blades and laughter. The gardening, lawn mowing and car washing. Things come to life in the spring.

Take the spring with all it’s beauty and treat yourself with love. As you awaken from a closed in state of mind, a shut out attitude, a tiredness you couldn’t seem to shake or a wonderful quiet and relaxing winter Welcome spring into your home, into your heart, into your life.

Let it rain.

 

Your God GIrl,

Tracy