There’s Another Woman Spending Time With My Kids

I never imagined that my kids would now be spending time with another woman… I had never thought about it. When I started my divorce process, it didn’t even cross my mind that my children would be spending time with another woman and then it happened very soon. Never in a million years had it entered my mind.. stupid me.

My ex husband got remarried not too long after our divorce…so my kids had a step mom.  I had no idea how to handle the feelings I experienced. I did not prepare myself for the hurt and heartache that I felt.

My children were now spending time with another woman besides me.  She was texting them, going to their sporting events, buying them gifts, and sharing memories with them. This hit me harder than anything else In my life.  I had been the center of their universe since they were born. I was not sharing them.

What if they loved her more than me?  What if they wanted to spend time with her? What if they wanted her to take them shopping?  This woman was not buying their bras…. All these questions and a million more go thru your head.

How do you get thru it?  How do you accept that this woman is spending time with your kids? It takes a lot of strength and self discipline. I say that because you will probably feel like going a little “ cray cray” on this woman. You will also have your best friend dig up anything on social media that you can find … you will become the best private investigator around.

Remember that this isn’t about you and as much as it hurts, it’s about your kids..If they talk about her then support them. Be positive.  Kids pick up on everything… every facial expression, every sigh, everything thing that comes out of your mouth.  There were so many times that i just wanted to cry or scream, but I tried to not let my kids pick up on it.  Ohhh my friends have seen my tears over the years, but not my kids.

If they want her included in activities and events, then support their decision.  If they want to text her, then let them.  I remember the first time my daughter wanted her step mom to go on a field trip because I could not, it killed me.  But I knew it was important to her and she obviously felt comfortable enough to have her come along on a school trip.

If possible, in the beginning set boundaries regarding her involvement.   Keep the communication still between yourself and your ex husband regarding the children.   Also, set boundaries between your relationship with the step mom….I can not express enough how much boundaries are important.  Then everyone knows what is acceptable.

The best advice I received  was that when its your time with your kids concentrate on them.  Do not worry about the “other” mom. and what she is doing with them or buying them.  Try to put all those insecurities behind you and concentrate on them.  Your kids will always come to you. You will always be there number one. They will always turn to your first.  They will always trust you more than anything. And  if your daughter has a bad day at school she’s still going to call her mom!

Let them engage with their step mom. I know I didn’t handle it perfectly in the beginning because I was not prepared.  And honestly, I can’t say the heartache feeling ever goes away, it doesn’t.  But you will learn that you will always be their # 1 mom!!  Nothing ever takes that away….

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3 thoughts on “There’s Another Woman Spending Time With My Kids

  1. Heidi

    I so needed to hear this today. My ex husband’s girlfriend is now spending time with my kids. I am really struggling with it. My son is 20 and thinks she’s fun because she doesn’t “mom” him by telling him what to do and how to live his life. My daughter is 14 and hates her because she feels like her dad spends more time with the girlfriend instead of her. I have never met her and don’t want to. It bothers me that this person is a new mom figure in their life when I have been mom their whole lives. She hasn’t stepped on my toes yet and I hope it stays that way. I don’t like this sharing my children thing.

    Reply
    1. megan

      Heidi, Thank you for reaching out regarding my blog yesterday. I completely understand your frustration and emotions, as going through it in the past. My kids went through the ups and down with a new step mom. Its one of the hardest challenges that I think we face after divorce. Just remember that you will always be there mom and focus on that! It does get easier. Thank you again.

      Reply
  2. Tina Sheppard

    This hit me super hard my ex husband was abusive with me cheated on me lied to me ..
    He was cheating for two weeks with me with a girlhe met on plenty of fish dating app. But yet coming home from work saying he loved me and us been married 3 in a half of 5 yrs all together one day he called asked if he could bring his girlfriend home for dinner july 29th 2016 i lost my shit he started fighting me when he got home this time my 3 yr old hit him my ex snung our son from living room to kitchen table and i lost my shit i went apeshit pissed off we took the fighting out side .
    I left he wouldnt let me take the kids so i came back two days later with officers got my kids she moved in the day i left they were preggoo two months after being together it was emotional and super hard to learn to live with .. It took me 2 years to get over that a homewreaker is my kids step mom they just got married September of this year .. Its takes years to get through it but it can be done.my kids love me im there momma and thats something she can never be!!

    Reply

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