Being Blind With Anger

I have been angry, upset, disappointed, confused and so much more the last few weeks. I haven’t blogged as of lately, and my last few blog posts have been a lot of complaining! That is generally NOT me! Days and days of just being miserable and bitchy…and then BLAM! It all happened so quickly, in 8 days to be exact, my husband’s best friend, who also happens to be his brother, went to the Emergency room with an excruciating stomachache and thought maybe he was having gallstones or something to that degree. Instead-he found out he is suffering from a very rare form of lymphoma. Although, I guess he doesn’t know this yet. It just depends on what he can hear us talking about  while he’s under sedation. We saw him Friday, sat at the hospital & visited with him a better part of the day-he was to go in Saturday morning for a quick procedure and he hasn’t been awake since. Medically induced-but holy it went downhill fast! We have received very little good news since then and most of the news we have received has been horrible. I guess what can go wrong has gone wrong. My husband has spent the last few days holding together his family(brothers, sister, sister-in-laws, nephews) and I have spent the last few days trying to hold him together, he’s exhausted and I am exhausted for him. He has lost a sister, his mother and his father all within the last 3-5 years. He is scared and he is PISSED off! He is ever so angry. It’s one of those things where I cannot love him enough to love it away. I feel helpless, he feels helpless.

We’ve had this discussion quite a bit over the last few days about why children, good people, kind people, loving people suffer such tragedies like this! His brother happens to be one of the best people I know-he and my husband are cut from the EXACT same cloth. We question why him?-why do crappy, mean, sinister, cold-hearted people get a “Free” pass?  Why can’t these diseases be the hell on earth that THEY deserve…not my brother in law!

I know-there is a bigger plan, a lesson to be learned from all of this-and I am not to question it. And I truly try not to, but it is rather difficult. I hope this lesson-plan is a BIG meaningful one.

What I have seen and what I do know is that there are so many beautiful people in this world! I often begin to lose Faith in humanity and the lack of respect and kindness. But it never, ever ceases to amaze me the words, prayers, gestures, and love that is felt in times like these. And maybe that is the lesson, to remind people how to be compassionate and kind to one another. Not to sweat the small stuff and to be angry over those things.

Please say prayers for my brother in law and our family.

Love to All-Kim

 

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