Tag Archives: relationships

Unapologetically Yourself

Unapologetically Yourself

Hello everyone! Let me introduce myself. My name is Ali and I am a single mom of three wonderful boys. We live in Minnesota. I am currently on a journey to improve my life and become the best version of myself. I am writing to share my experiences, strength and hope. I am a firm believer that you can only keep what you have by giving it away, or paying it forward if you will. I have faced many obstacles in my life but I do not let my struggle define me.

I would like to talk about peoples opinions and perception of you. They truly do not matter in your life. This is something that I have struggled with for many years, and now have a newfound freedom knowing that it does not matter. Do you find yourself consistently thinking if I did this what would so and so think? Do you base your decisions off of how others will perceive you or think of you? I’m here to tell you that needs to stop. Its time to re-frame your thinking. People can find themselves living in fear of disappointing someone or not gaining others approval and living a life full of regret.. This just boggles my mind that we as a society are more willing to disappoint ourselves than we are others. When we live a majority of our life in fear of how other perceive us, shaping our lives to fit the opinions and needs of others instead of our own we welcome people into our lives that are there to just use us, and we will be left feeling miserable, hopeless and unfulfilled.  If you are in negative, unfulfilling or abusive relationships and you wonder why you keep attracting these people that do not have good intentions and may use you? I can guarantee you worry too much about others opinions and needs and not enough about your own! No one is going to fight to have your needs met or care about your opinion if you don’t put yourself first. The opinions people hold of you and how you live your life is none of their business.

You may think I really want these people to like me and approve of me, what you should be thinking instead is I need to approve of me and what I’m doing, I need to be happy with myself. The people you really need in your life are people who care and love you. Those trying to control or use you for their own benefit will fall out of your life. If someones opinion isn’t serving you, you need to state/say/inform them that I appreciate your concern but this is what I want, or what I like and I’m going to do for me.

You don’t need to justify, or beg for your wants or needs, its your life and you are the master of it. When you stop giving others the power to shape your life, you will regain the power to shape your life the way you see fit. Others opinions of you will not bother you any longer. Not to say you wont ever worry about what others opinions are, but you can use mindfulness tools to redirect your thinking instead of getting absorbed by what they think. One of my favorite mindfulness tools when I start getting worked up is, I take a deep breath focus on my breathing and count to 5, once I redirect my thinking its easier to get back on track and go well they don’t pay my bills, and I know what I want. I then just move forward. Don’t sit and justify their actions, don’t ruminate, just move forward.

When you allow yourself to be unapologetically yourself, many things will start to happen. First depending on how long you’ve allowed people to control and dictate your life with their opinions people will resist and try to pull you back into that cycle. People will start to fall out of your life, don’t chase these people. Soon after you’re going to start building relationships with people, fulfilling wholesome mutual two way street relationships.

You’ll find these newfound relationships have something your old ones lacked, respect. The people who stick from your past that stay around through the growing pains, will usually not only act like cheerleaders for you in your life but your relationships with them will grow and change for the better too. Not worrying what others think will guide you to the life you not only want but deserve. Once you take this crucial step your life will start evolving; opening doors you didn’t even know were there.

Always Be unapologetically true to yourself!

-Ali

Learning To Love You Before Anyone Else Can

Learning to love yourself first, before anyone else can or will, or learning to like others when you’re not even sure you like yourself is quite difficult.

Right after the split with my first husband I was not a pleasant person to be with or have to deal with, I have mentioned this before. I didn’t like myself and I am not sure if I didn’t even enjoy myself why I thought anyone would enjoy me. That’s a tough pill to swallow! It’s very humbling.

I took some time getting to know myself in those days, weeks, months to follow. I look back now and realize that some of it was not all my fault, I was under the thumb of people throughout my entire life making sure they did their best at breaking me down in much of everything I did. Some of those people I didn’t get to choose to be in my life, they were there, family….some of those people were my choices. I gravitated towards those types of people, I became one of those people. I was learning to dislike everyone, everything around me., including myself.

I think it’s really important on occasion to take inventory of your life and wonder if the people you have surrounded yourself with are there for your best interest. What is your best interest? That’s a million dollar question that has to be answered by starting within yourself. Misery loves company. Kindness is contagious. You all know the sayings. If you don’t have respect, kindness, love, expectations for yourself, how could or why would anyone else?

Ask yourself what your expectations are for yourself? What do you like/love about yourself? Do you respect yourself? Are you kind to yourself? It’s ok to be selfish. It’s ok to worry about learning to love yourself first.

 

Love to All-Kim