Category Archives: Inspiration

Excitement In All Forms

Excitement comes in all sizes, shapes, styles and kinds… just like presents. Sometimes when I am excited about something I also feel relief and on occasion it comes with anxiety for me.

My dad finally agreed to come to our house for a few days.  That was 2 weeks ago-I was super excited to see him and hopeful for the future and maybe the possibility of him being back in my life. It happened pretty fast, his decision to come, and I didn’t have much time leading up to him arriving to dwell over whether it was a good thing, bad thing, the right thing or the wrong thing. It takes about an hour to get to his house, the morning I went to go pick him up, I went alone and that hour was NUTS-back and forth between excitement, anxiety, and fear. I am pretty sure I talked myself out of turning around at least half a dozen times.  But I pushed through, picked him up and brought him back to our home. It was a weird 3.5 days. I can’t say it was the best 3 days I have ever had, although one would like to think after over 2+years of not seeing your father it would be the greatest reunion ever. It didn’t quite happen like that-there were moments where I was pissed at him and his actions while in our home but I chose not to cause a disagreement. There were moments where I wanted him to be back at his home. Moments of sadness looking at this man and not really knowing who he was and wondering if I want to know him. I also felt pity. He is nothing of who he use to be and after this I have understood and accepted that, FINALLY.

It was pretty low-key, we did very little except hang around the house with the kids and eat. My kids were excited, and seemed to have enjoyed the time they spent with Grandpa. My older two know more of what Grandpa goes through with his addiction(s) and mental illness, my youngest knows none of it.

My excitement of this visit comes from anticipating that maybe this time he has hit his rock bottom and not excited that he had to hit the bottom but excited that maybe he finally realizes what he is losing/lost.

MAYBE-there is always that maybe-I’ve said maybe a million times over with the rock bottom. And for those of you who understand-you can relate to the excitement with the anxiety.

Love to All-Kim

Stress Of The Holiday Season

Quite frankly the last ten days or so have just sucked. I am not feeling it. By not feeling it, I am referring to much of anything. Just Blah-I don’t know if it’s the daylight savings time and the weather change or just the combination of a bunch of things. I have been trying to get out of my “funk” and have been failing at doing so. Yesterday my blog was to write about blessings, which I have many. So honestly, I need to get it together and get over the whining. I am sure you have all said this to yourself a few times and it’s way easier said/thought than done on occasions. I am having an occasion 🙂 Some personal stress, work stress, haven’t been feeling well, and the kids’ schedules are just so darn crazy that there never seems to be a slow down moment.  All of these things are certainly blessings and are nothing major that cannot be fixed. I am thankful to have all the things that are causing me stress.  And if I think back it seems the Holidays are ALWAYS like this for us. As we start to approach the Holidays, I can see it all unfolding again and setting up to be the same.  I cannot say that it’s all based on that as the next few weeks are my favorite time of the year! Today though, I feel like the season is contributing to how I feel.  Today I am wallowing in self pity and probably shouldn’t be leaving a blog 🙂 Today, I need your help!

I am curious as to some of the ideas and things you do to help tone down the stress of the Holiday season?

 

Love to All-Kim

The Price Of Wisdom

Webster’s Dictionary defines the word wisdom as-

1. a :accumulated philosophical or scientific learning :knowledge
    b :ability to discern inner qualities and relationships : insight
    c :good sense: judgement
    d :generally accepted belief
2wise attitude, belief, or course of action
3.  the teachings of the ancient wise men
From what I have learned, wisdom, does not come easy. I don’t consider myself a know all in everything worldly. When I offer advice to friends, it’s just that-advice, and opinion. My experiences are not their experiences. I can only hope that what I am saying is helping in some way and at the very least I am someone to listen.
Wisdom for me has come with a lot of sacrifices. Sacrifices that I am good with having given.
Experiences that haven’t always been the greatest, but at the back end of those experiences have come some of the best people, memories and moments of my life. That would be the wisdom I would offer to you-everything you go through and have gone through there is a silver lining. A lesson, an experience. You have gained something through those experiences…wisdom, judgement, knowledge, insight. You have taken those moments, and experiences and shared them with others in hopes that you are helping at least one person. You teach your children in hopes that they will listen and make choices based on your wisdom and life experiences. You take what you have learned and apply it to the rest of your life.

Perfectly, IMPERFECT…

Perfectly, Imperfect….We all have days that don’t go as planned, days that we had all planned out in our minds with a million things to do and then BAM—everything goes to shit in seconds.  It is on those days that we are truly tested, do we fall to pieces and let the day be ruined or do we RISE to the occasion and starting improvising??

Yesterday and today have been like that for me, I had TO DO LISTS, I had a PLAN and then I woke up with this seeming cold and my son’s car was making a noise that required investigation, phone calls and then a trip to the dealership to be fixed.  This cold nonsense turned my TO DO List to shit yesterday and today I have just been trying to play catch-up plus deal with normal Monday morning stuff.  This morning I made a decision that I was just going to go with the flow and do the best I could to get accomplished what was imperative.  Got the kids car fixed, got to the bank, got to the post office, had calls with clients etc—NONE of it occurred in the order that I wanted it to, NONE of the house stuff that needed to be done got done…it kind of looks like a HERD of elephants ran all through the house throwing things…oh well…

Some days are like this, they are perfectly imperfect and you can either resist that process and live the day completely pissed off and stressed out OR you can simply accept that it is OK to deviate from the plan, it’s OK to falter and fail at your mission…the world will not end if all the laundry doesn’t get done, or your desk doesn’t get cleaned or the boxes from amazon are still unpacked in the front hall…it’s OK not to be perfect.  It’s ok to feel screwed up, to feel a mess, to feel like nothing is getting done.  ALL of these feelings are part of the process of living a REAL life, we have to accept the perfect days as well as the perfectly –imperfect ones.  Our true light shines through the cracked places—it is OK and you are making it work, so stop judging yourself and embrace the day however it is.

Winning Your Way To My Heart

Winning the way to my heart is not simple and some days I feel guilty for how difficult I can be. But yet, it’s my choice and I don’t feel anything that is winning my heart is asking too much, it is my heart, afterall.

Trust-I have trust issues. They go back to my youth, and my first marriage. I HAVE, have to trust you. Whether it be in a romantic relationship, or any relationship. As the saying goes..words are nice but actions prove so much more. Unfortunately, I don’t start out trusting someone. I start out not trusting and have to be proven to that I can trust you. I question every thing, repeatedly,  until I feel confident. Most would say I go overboard with my trust issues. It’s who I am.

My Children-I need someone who is going to be a role model to my children. I am ok with them being their friend but they still need to be the adult in all situations. They must treat them as their own and love them unconditionally. Let’s be honest..children can be a pain in the ass and test every bit of patience you have. If you can win the love and respect of my children-YOU ARE IN!

Honesty-I cannot handle being lied to about ANYTHING! Honesty and trust pretty much go hand in hand. I think this one doesn’t warrant any explaining.

Respect-Respect is so very important. Giving respect as well as receiving it. Honestly it may be the most important one. I would never venture into a friendship without respect let alone a romantic relationship.

Love-Honest, pure, truthful, respectful, raw love. No strings attached. Love me for who I am and also for who I am not.  And I will love you for you.

Love to All-

Kim

Let’s Have Some Fun

Let’s have some fun! I hope that some of you will join me on this. The writing challenge today is to list 5 places you want to visit. I had a hard time narrowing it down to just 5 but here it goes and why:

  1. New York City during Christmas time-I’ve been told this is the most absolute beautiful place to be during Christmas and since Christmas is my favorite I desire to visit. I have never been to New York City.
  2. The Mountains-any mountains will do. I have never been to the mountains. Drew and I always talk about living off the grid in the mountains. I would guess before committing to such a thing I should probably see if the mountains and I get along. 🙂
  3. Australia- I would absolutely  LOVE to go on vacation with my family to Australia-we love animals and there are just so many awesome places to see.
  4. Every where Eric Church performs!  I am a huge Eric Church fan. Yes, I am 42 years old and act like a groupie-or maybe it seems a bit like a stalker! Haha!
  5. Black Hills-I have lived in the Midwest my entire life-and I have never been to Sturgis or the Black Hills. Not sure why not but I guess I better go see what it is I am missing since every time I tell someone I have never been there they think it’s absurd.

I would hope that some of you might enlighten me on some of yours!

Love to All-Kim

Inspiration Is A Tough Thing

Inspiration is a tough thing.  Everyone is inspired by something different. And as my life continues to change and grow and along with maturity what inspires me often changes too.  Of course I am inspired to do well, succeed, set an example and all those things that come along with being a mother. So yes, my children inspire me to be the best that I can be no matter what stage or feeling I am in my life.

My personal inspiration that has been a constant through all the stages in my life is my maternal Grandma-Grandma Joyce.  She’s a tiny little character all but 4’10 on a good day! I never remember a day where my grandma wasn’t dressed to the 9’s and with her face carefully applied. I spent a lot of time with my grandma at her house when I was little, I would spend the nights there and she would let me dress up in her clothes and shoes. She lived across the gravel road from a river access and we spent a lot of time exploring the area. She had a huge garden, a beautiful koi pond outside her living room window, a huge yard that she would have Easter eggs hunts in every year with the eggs pantyhose use to come in, my bed time snack was always a bowl of cereal. To this day cereal still doesn’t taste as perfect as it did at her house. Her home was immaculate and her screened in front porch was my absolute favorite place to be! I don’t ever recall her raising her voice or a hand to me in all those years. When I became a young woman she gifted me with a book that she had written to me about advice, memories we shared, wishes and love she had. I don’t think it was until I read this book that I truly understood the torment she suffered in those years that everything in my eyes was absolutely perfect. I knew my grandpa had left their marriage and had remarried when I was approximately 10 years old but I never had a clue how upset my grandma truly was. She is a devout Catholic and getting divorced “back then” was shameful to her and she had to go through a lot of steps in order to get the divorce.  She too eventually remarried-I am not entirely convinced she remarried for love, I believe she loved him but that she also remarried to not be alone. I do not believe she was ever in love with him the way she is in love with my grandpa. My grandpa has since passed away as has my step-grandpa. My grandma is still alive and well, dressed to the 9’s and perfectly placed face. Feisty as all get out. She appears to be happy but even if she wasn’t-I don’t know that I would ever know. I admire and am inspired by that woman for everything that she is. She is 85 years old and complains little and loves a lot. She has taught me to get up each and every day and dress like you mean it. Misery loves company and that’s not the place to be. She is a woman who forgives but has her breaking point too. And she never ever seems bitter. She inspires me every day to be a strong, forgiving, loving, woman.

Love to All-Kim

Choosing My Battles

Choosing my battles has always been a difficult task for me. I am suppose to write today about my top 3 pet peeves. Problem is, long time ago, I gave up what I would refer to as pet peeves, I chose my battles.  Pet peeves to me are things like, chewing with your mouth open, chewing loudly, my son’s dirty socks 2″ from the laundry basket, my daughter’s floor carpeted with clothing, and so on. I spent a lot of days irritated by pet peeves, sweating the small stuff and when it was time for me to wind down for the night I would be so strung tight with annoyances through the day that I couldn’t even relax.

Now-don’t get me wrong, I still get irritated by pet peeves but I have trained myself to think “Do those things really matter at the end of the day?” And if the answer is No- then I have chosen my battle.  Life is too short to be irritated by those things-and yes it’s super annoying and irritating. I have a close friend who has lost a child at an early age and I can guarantee with everything that I am she would give ANYTHING for her child to sit at the table and chew loudly with their mouth open while leaving his socks 2″ away from the laundry basket, while everyone stomped through his clothing on the floor. She doesn’t get that chance, ever again. So I refuse to spend my days irritated by pet peeves and the small things. I chose my battles in all aspects in my life.

Love to All-Kim

The Greatest Love Story of All Time…

Good Lord…I haven’t blogged for you guys in forever, so today I thought I would remedy that.  From time to time I will dabble at writing fiction and so I thought we would restart our blogging relationship with a bedtime story for you…a story for all of you romantics at heart…I think I used to be one of those people before life got in the way…here’s to the romantics in all of us…enjoy…

The Greatest Love Story of All Time

 

…The little girl said, “Mama tell me the greatest love story of all time…”  And the Mother brushed the hair from her child’s forehead and looked into her expectant eyes, took a deep breath and began…

 

She had a beautiful spirit and the smile in her eyes could leave you weak in the knees, you could feel her before she entered the room and her energy was contagious, she was generous, intelligent and kind…she was strong where others were weak, forgiving where others were hard-hearted and had the generosity of Spirit that only comes from understanding the real meaning of life…

He was sexy, handsome and fierce, chivalrous and kind, strong beyond measure, witty, smart and charming with an engaging sense of humor…he was the kind of man you would want your daughter to marry, the kind of man every woman wants to have…

You knew when you looked at him that he really understood things and that he would protect you and keep you safe …you knew when you stood near him and breathed into him that if he loved you; your life would never be the same…

He was both sweet and hard and to drink him in was like enjoying a very fine wine…to touch him and feed his passion was like spinning into something that had no words…

So many things had come before this, so many concessions made, so much craziness and then years of near solitude…

Ever since her father left her she had pretty much made the choice that she would never be with a man that she really, really loved because it seemed that life had taught her early on if you loved someone beyond reason they would leave you…and so she had carefully constructed a life with many fine people that she loved,  however there was always that place that they could never get to and they were never smart enough to know it even existed…she found that most people don’t care to look very deeply and in a world like that even her reserved form of loving showed up as something to treasure.  Her father came back after 25 years to right old wrongs and after a couple of years that allowed her to see that loving beyond reason and without conditions was, perhaps, possible…

Her heart had been smashed, stomped on, broken into bits…her ego periodically destroyed…she knew enough now to understand what really loving someone meant, love is an endless act of forgiveness and real love is a growing up.

He, perhaps had never quite found what he was looking for…to her,  he seemed strong, savvy and fierce,  yet somewhat sad and lonely underneath …it seemed that he had been unappreciated, unseen at a soul level and that he had suffered some from that.

A man suffers more than he knows when he isn’t loved properly…he becomes somewhat hard-hearted and uncharacteristically cynical…outside things can look so very perfect, yet sometimes somewhere deep in the heart and soul of him something is missing…

She sensed that he had some broken dreams that were difficult to get over…she wished that she could love him enough to make all the bad things disappear…yet she was smart enough to know he had to banish the demons on his own, perhaps using her love as a grounding place to become stronger for the fight.

She knew that true, pure love could restore anything…the trouble these days is that people don’t love pure and true and their stupidity destroys love’s power.

Her response to him was strong, quick and pure, it was without history and reason …it just was…

Meeting him caused her to re-think each aspect of her life and she saw that in some ways parts of her had nearly faded from neglect…it was so masked that she never even noticed until she met him…but he noticed, he saw it

He saw things about her that she couldn’t even see, until she looked through him and that was when she saw the empty places…the ones she thought didn’t matter anymore…

She didn’t need him to ‘complete’ her—she wanted him to ‘compliment’ her and she him…she felt that those were the things that lasted forever, the ones where you made each other better people by being together.

At this point the little girl interrupted her Mother and said, “Mama is that true, that people can make each other better by being together?”

Her Mother answered, “Yes, little one that is true…when soul mates come together they make each other shine, they help each other to find their best parts and everyone around them benefits from this.”

After she met him everything she thought changed…she woke up missing him and thought of him throughout the day…he was so far away yet he was inside of her as if he had always been there…it seemed that he belonged there…

At first she questioned her sanity…then over the days and weeks that passed she realized that perhaps her unspoken prayer had been answered…perhaps life could be completely altered in just one single moment…she was willing for that…

The Mother paused at this point and the little girl said, “Mama what’s wrong, why have you stopped?”

 And her Mother said, “The greatest love story of all time is a work in progress my love, these two people have had some Divine Intervention and now the rest is up to them…they have to be willing and they have to trust…”

 “But Mama I need to know what happens…I need to know the end of the story.”

 Her Mother answered, “Little One the greatest love story of all time will never have an end, it is a timeless story recreated by lovers’ everyday.  It is a promise and a prayer and it is ageless and timeless…and someday you will write your own chapter.”

 The little girl sighed and smiled at her Mother, “What about them Mama, the people in this story…what happens to them, how do we know if they will be alright?”

 “He will go to her, it will take him awhile to get there, but he will go and then they will write their own chapters together…”

 “Mama, I want them to be happy, I want them to believe…”

Her Mother replied, “Then every night before you go to sleep, say a prayer for them…say a prayer that will become timeless, a prayer for lovers everywhere…pray that they have faith, that they are strong enough to face their fears and pray that they believe in the magic of God’s Grace…”

And the little girl looked at her Mother and knelt down and prayed and when she was done she knew in her heart that the lovers had heard her…

 

 

The Many Faces of Good-Bye

It takes an immense amount of courage to say good-bye to something that isn’t excellent. So many of us put up with circumstances, conditions and relationships that are not really working and there truly IS a time when it is appropriate to say good-bye so that healing can happen and new good can occur.
Yes, there is a time to stand up and fight for something, a time to make changes, a time to try new behaviors…all of that…however when enough time has passed and you feel that you have done all you can and you are still not seeing the result you require, it may just be time to say “good-bye”.
Saying good-bye to something isn’t “bad”, it isn’t “giving up”, it is having the wisdom to see that beating a dead horse is a fool hardy exercise…you exhaust yourself and the horse is still dead.
When you say good-bye you can do it with love, that is possible…you can do it with acknowledgement of contributions made, you can release and set something free with great gratitude and love and forgiveness for that things that didn’t turn out the way you wanted them to.
Granted most people say good-bye in anger or fear or guilt or some combination of those…it doesn’t need to be like that. Endings are also new beginnings where new blessings can show up, where new good can appear.
When you prune a tree it seems like a terrible thing, you cut living branches from it and it looks terrible for a while…then it starts to grow and fill out stronger than it ever was before…new life comes to it when before it looked almost dead and barren. Good-bye can be like that, it feels awful, it looks awful…times goes by and then new LIFE comes zooming in bringing with it new blessings we couldn’t see before.
So many people hang on to things that have been unworkable for so long…jobs, relationships, items, marriages etc…they hang on because they are scared to death to let go…letting GO is letting GOD…it is trusting something greater than yourself to take care of you and it is knowing that with every ending comes a new start for something not yet seen.
When appropriate have the courage to say good-bye, everything that you want could very well be on the other side of good-bye….