Category Archives: Blog

Daily Discussion 8-8-17, Dating Tips

Dating these days is just insane compared to the way dating was when we grew up or even when our parents grew up.  The internet has met meeting people easier, yet I think it has made “real” relating much harder.  I have learned from personal experience that the relationship that you can develop with someone over the phone and via text is NOT the same once they are standing in the room.  No, I did not internet date by the way…any of you that know me know that I am not a fan of internet dating or online dating profiles.  The influence of being raised old school I suppose.

Here are some do’s and don’t’s of dating.  We are also going to start answering  your dating questions, which can be emailed to us at noelle@fortunatopartners.com and put Dating Question in your subject line or you can message The Working Single Mom FB page.

Here are some simple dating ‘rules’ to consider.  Enjoy.

  • Finding a romantic partner is NOT the end all be all, it is a nice addition to an already healthy and functioning life. LIKE and LOVE yourself first, be comfortable in your own company, don’t be looking for someone to fix or solve your life.  Only YOU can do that.

 

  • Do NOT, we repeat DO NOT date someone to try to fix or save them. Don’t fall in love with their potential—SEE CLEARLY who they are right in the moment and pay attention to that.

 

  • Don’t pay much attention to pretty, romantic words or promises. WATCH WHAT PEOPLE DO.  Their actions will tell you EVERYTHING, just keep watching.

 

  • If you see a red flag early on—pay attention and get out then. Don’t make excuses for behavior that doesn’t work.  The longer you let it go, the worse it will get and the more attached you will get.

 

  • DATE—like actually go out to dinner, for a walk, to a movie, to a museum. TALK in person, get to know each other.  If you have sex too soon then you will introduce emotions that don’t yet belong there—be patient….what is meant for you will find you.

 

  • Do not be a needy, pain in the ass…do not act like a psycho. Don’t call 5 million times, don’t text incessantly…let him give chase…don’t you dare chase him and don’t stalk him…Please act like the grown-up woman that you are, a woman that has a great life of her own to live.

 

  • Do not sell yourself short and do not act like a pathetic, desperate woman that needs a man to make her life work, there is nothing less attractive than that to a real man…and any man that likes you to act like that has issues of his own…so stay away from him.

 

 

  • A first date is not an audition for marriage. It’s just a tryout for a second date. This is a process and it takes a good, long time to see who someone really is.

 

  • If someone tells you they are too damaged, untrusting, neurotic, creepy etc—then they probably are so get the hell away from them:)

 

  • If something doesn’t feel safe then it probably isn’t. TRUST YOUR GUT.  Go on first dates in public places and meet them there, don’t get in secluded situations with people until you have a good sense of who they are, please!

 

These are just some points to consider—don’t forget start emailing us with your questions and thoughts on dating.

 

Daily Discussion–August 3, 2017–Unbreakable

Webster’s defines unbreakable as:   NOT ABLE TO BE BROKEN

There are times when you will embody the definition of this word more than others, you will wear it like a cape–UNBREAKABLE and the people that try to screw with you will quickly come to understand that this word…it is your SUPERPOWER.  Weak people allow circumstances to dictate what happens to them, WARRIORS move the circumstances around to suit their needs.  Sometimes that is hellish, to walk through heartbreaking betrayal, disappointment, unexpected changes…we fall for a moment, we cry, we are shocked, hurt, stunned, saddened and then we RISE, we change our thinking, we get some gratitude for closed doors, we remember that ALL THINGS WORK TOGETHER FOR GOOD—NO MATTER WHAT KIND OF SHIT STORM IT LOOKS LIKE.

We get up, we get moving, we keep in forward motion, we remember WHO we are.  We remember what we have already walked through and we remember that we may bend, however—we DO NOT BREAK—EVER.

We are a special breed, the unbreakables…we understand what ‘ripped your heart out’ means…we know what ‘betrayal’ feels like…yet we remain happy and optimistic because we KNOW that we are here to bring LIGHT, to foster GOOD, here to remind people of their strengths…to remind them that they too will RISE.

Daily Discussion 6-8-2017

WORDS MATTER

Ok guys the blog is back with The Daily Discussion….So here we go…I was just cleaning out some boxes in the basement and I came across some old correspondence.  Reading it I was moved to discuss with you that words matter.   Going through those things and seeing what was written there and then knowing how things turned out and thinking about really who was responsible for what so many years ago…

Way back there in the heat of horrible moments it was easy to blame others for what was happening, yet years later in my basement, in another state, in what feels like another of my 9 lives, I am remembering the things that I said that contributed to the actions of others.  I was told again and again “words MATTER” and I would push it off claiming that I was Italian and that my whole family would run off at the mouth in emotional outbursts and not mean anything they uttered.  That was my excuse to say horrendous things, hurtful things….really just awful things.  I treated it as no big deal, however looking back now I see how my words set-up the roadway of how it all turned out.   I believe it all transpired as it was meant to in the end, however I think that the ending would have been kinder and more civilized if my many words had not paved the road as they did.

Also looking back over my 48 years right now I can remember certain words that were said to me that stuck with me all this time.  Some of them were life-giving and some of them were quite unkind—I remember them though, I remember which people said them and where we were at the time and how they made me feel…years and years later…I remember them…

Bottom-line is WORDS MATTER, they either bring life and love or they break down and destroy, it is up to you what your words will do.  I highly recommend that we all think BEFORE we speak, that when we are really angry and reactive  we walk away for awhile, rather than speak out loud something that we cannot take back.  Once it’s out of your mouth, it’s OUT THERE…so make sure it is something that you will want someone to remember years later…

I realize we all have disagreements and differences of opinion and that isn’t what I am asking you to quell.  I am talking about when we are completely off the hook, reacting —in those moments hold your tongue, go away and calm down and then speak.  It is a far better thing.

Words DO matter, use yours wisely.

Here are some great quotes about the power of words:

https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag/power-of-words

 

Daily Discussion, 12-13-16

Christmas Countdown, Day 15

People tend to review things at the close of the year…and often that leads to thinking about people that have behaved less than stellar toward us…so here are a few of my thoughts on that…

The being able to stand in the face of someone that has betrayed you and love them and bless them is a great gift…this is Divinity in action, this is the stuff you can’t learn from books…these are the lessons that come from looking into ourselves and seeing how we can emulate God-like qualities…loving the people that have harmed you as you love the people that are easy to love is a level of mastery…this loving is called unconditional love and it is the way that God loves us…no matter what we do or how horrible we are God loves us still…shouldn’t we be loving each other in that same way?

That really is the only thing we have to take with us from this life—the way that we love each other…you know that saying, “you never see a U-Haul being pulled behind a hearse…”

God-like qualities are lessons in forever; the rest of it is just fluff… Oh and loving them doesn’t mean we need to stay around them or let them continue to treat us in ways that don’t work…just to be clear some people need to be loved from far, far away…

Daily Discussion, 12-12-16

Christmas Countdown, Day 14

My Grandfather was my rock and I wanted to share some of him with all of you…

Some Advice from Papa…

*adapted from ‘advice my father gave us’…written by my mom, Toni Stone

“Thanks to Papa we know how to get up every day even when we would rather not.

We know that no one else is going to do our work for us.

We know what’s past is OVER and GONE.

We know that when we leave something it is for a reason and once we are done we don’t go back…because the reason we left is still there…

We don’t try to live in yesterday or get it back.

We keep GOING, NO MATTER WHAT.

We remember that disappointment is not the end of the world.

We know people will screw us over unwittingly, unconsciously or on purpose.  We won’t be stopped by it. We won’t take it personal and we WILL keep a good eye on them after that…

We will also stay tuned to all the players…some people aren’t wrapped too tight, some are living in another reality, some don’t know their ass from a hole in the ground and others are just cruising through to see what they can get every day.

We remember that 75% of people have to be dealt with very carefully and some of them are dangerous characters…we remember to WATCH WHAT PEOPLE DO, not listen to what they say…actions speak volumes…promises are lip service unless followed up on with actions and results.

We do not count chickens before they are hatched.

We always have cash, just in case…”

Daily Discussion, 12-10-16

Christmas Countdown, Day 13

As we approach 2017, it’s a good time to start thinking about the life that you really want to create for yourself.   Today I am simply going to ask you to start living in three questions and writing down your answers…as we get closer to Jan we will do more with this.

What do you want?

Who would you have to become to get it?

What would you have to shed about yourself to make that happen?

Daily Discussion, 12-9-16

Christmas Countdown, Day 12

My mother has always told me that fear is thinking thoughts that scare you…and really that is true.

Eliminating fear requires the vigilance to police your own thinking.  You have to be able to swap a fear-based thought for a more positive one.  The whole ‘thought swapping’ thing that I have been talking about over the past few days is difficult to do.  It is a moment-by-moment practice…

When you realize that God is in control there really is nothing to fear, easier said than done I know…yet worth working on.

 

Daily Discussion, 12-8-16

Christmas Countdown, Day 11

I have been pondering two words over the past couple days…foundation and wisdom.  Webster’s New World defines Foundation as ‘the base on which something rests’…this leads me to consider how many of us, myself included, live our lives resting on a solid foundation.  When you build a structure it has to start with a solid and strong foundation, if it doesn’t the structure won’t hold up.  In order to have a successful life you must also start with a solid and strong foundation, otherwise you will have nothing to ground you when the going gets tough…and there are times when the going will get tough.

What makes a solid and strong foundation?  Is it integrity, a belief in God, ethics, treating others as you want to be treated, a forgiving heart, an open mind, perseverance, willpower or a combination of all these and more?  I say a combination of the aforementioned and more…a solid and strong foundation comes from a belief that you have power in your own life and that you have the ability to change even the direst of circumstances as long as you can keep your wits about you.  If you are a constant reaction in the middle of your life you will be incessantly pinging off the walls and in essence will be powerless to change anything.  Change can only come from being able to choose your response to a person or situation and this ability is born from having a strong foundation.

If I come from a place of understanding that my life is based on principle and based upon something more than my own pathetic self-concerns then I am able to hold myself in place when life hits me with something unexpected.  I am able to observe what is happening and then wisely choose my reaction.  If I come from a place of uncertainty, then when life throws a curve ball I have no choice but to scramble and react, react, react.

As far as my life experience shows being a complete reaction has never solved anything, it usually just brings more trouble.

Seems like it would be prudent for us all to give a little thought to what kind of a foundation we have created for ourselves and then to consider if we wake up every morning resting on that foundation…or do we wake up every morning and base our day on the reactions of the moment?

Wisdom is defined by Webster’s as ‘the power of judging rightly’…my definition of wisdom is something like ‘the conclusions you finally arrive at after life has knocked you around enough’…

Wisdom is something that comes over time and thankfully it is something that keeps expanding as we get older.  Wisdom is when it finally dawns on you that when you keep behaving the same way and doing the same things, you will get the same result.   The opposite of wisdom is insanity which Albert Einstein defines this way, “the definition of insanity is when you keep doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.”

How many times have we followed the same path over and over again expecting to end up at a different place?  How many of us mirror that mouse running down the same path and still finding no cheese, yet we keep running with the same anticipation and zeal and then we are distraught when the outcome doesn’t change.  Funny thing is– we KNOW better… on some level we all know better, yet we let our inner wisdom sit it out while we continue to behave like fools.

Let’s be interested in exercising our wisdom muscle, it is almost a new year and it seems like a good time to clear out behavioral insanity…what will you change today? xoxo

 

Daily Discussion, 12-7-16

Christmas Countdown, Day 10

Look at your life and pinpoint for yourself some things that you really, really want.  Got them?  Good.  Now tell me how bad do you want them?  Do you want them bad enough to change everything about yourself that stands in the way of you getting them?  Do you want them bad enough to give up your behaviors that don’t work?  Do you want them bad enough to not give up until you get them?

Most people will probably tell you that they want certain things, however,  I would bet that they are not willing to do WHATEVER it takes to get them and that is why they still do not possess the things that they want.  I would also bet that most people don’t even fully understand the concept called ‘whatever it takes’—most people quit at the first sign of difficulty.  There are some people however that don’t quit…the Navy Seals don’t quit and truly self aware people don’t quit either because they know that quitting only perpetuates the circumstances in their lives that they don’t like.

Let’s talk about where most people lose it along the trail of getting what you want…you start out with a business or a goal or a relationship and everything looks kind of groovy at the beginning.  Then we move along in time and obstacles start to appear…the business doesn’t seem like such a good idea, the new relationship looks like a piece of shit, the goal you set out to accomplish looks WAY TOO HARD.  So you start to buy into that you didn’t want it anyway, you start to think of other things that you can do that would be “easier” —we call this the “grass is greener” syndrome—news flash—the grass is NEVER greener somewhere else…smarten up and learn to cultivate your own grass to make it the green that you want it to be—another news flash—this is HARD WORK…it requires commitment, discipline, purposefulness and doing what you said– NO MATTER WHAT.  If you want to win and get the things you want in life then you must go to war with all the things about yourself that don’t work.

Going to war with yourself means that you set out to prevail no matter what.  This means that you must give up paying attention to your ailments, grievances and complaints.  This means that you must only look at what you want… keep focused on the goal, the intention and let go of ANYTHING that is counterproductive to forward motion.  This looks like doing what you said no matter what opinion you have about it, it means not giving attention and energy to what isn’t working, it means NEVER giving up no matter what it looks like all around you…you keep yourself focused on what you want to achieve and you refuse to be swayed by anything that doesn’t get you to where you are going.

This kind of war on your self is not easy, in fact it is very, very difficult and therefore the average person would never even begin to attempt it.  The average person gets stopped in life by the first sign of trouble…they hit the first obstacle and they quit.

In Navy Seal training an average starting class of 80 people ends up to be about 20 or so by the time graduation rolls around…the men that want to be Navy Seals NO MATTER WHAT are the ones that graduate.  In Seal training they are wet, cold, sleep deprived, physically challenged, mentally challenged and pretty much put through what most people have nightmares about—the BEST part of this…they ASK for it…they WANT to go…they strive to EXCEL…they want to be THE BEST…imagine that?  Navy Seal candidates want it so bad that they will do anything to get it.  Would you go through that kind of hell to get what you want?  Are your goals important enough for you to overcome yourself to achieve them?

Any goal or thing worth having is worth whatever challenge you have to go through to get it…that is the beauty inherent in the system of achievement…when you overcome yourself, when you work hard, when you change yourself to achieve something, then you can REALLY HAVE IT…you can REALLY appreciate it, you can feel deserving of it because you know that you EARNED it and it is yours to keep…be it a relationship or a successful business or a degree…whatever.

If you get something and you didn’t work for it the satisfaction of it is very short lived…handouts don’t teach us anything…challenging ourselves to be better teaches us a wisdom that can’t be learned any other way…xoxoxo

Daily Discussion, 12-6-16

Christmas Countdown, Day 9

Yesterday we talked about replacing a thought for a thought.  Today I want to talk about what giving attention to negative thoughts will create for you…

Your thoughts are far more powerful than you might imagine and they go forward to create your future.  What you think about, speak about and give your attention to WILL become your reality, so you have to be very mindful of what you are focused on.

The thoughts that you hold in mind will produce after their own kind and your thoughts will produce an energy field around you that will end up attracting to you the kinds of things that you are thinking.

Remember that character in Peanuts, Pigpen?  He had a dirt cloud that surrounded him wherever he went, crappy thoughts will work like that…they will form a dirty cloud around you and they will attract things that are similar.  Negative circumstances are no mystery; they arrive because we have given too much attention to negative thoughts, worry, fear and doubt.  We will also attract unfavorable circumstances when we are critical, judgmental, angry and ungrateful…like attracts like…that will always be true.

Thankfully this same principle of ‘like attracts like’ will work in your favor when you start thinking more positive things, when you are grateful and when you focus on what’s good and what works.

There is no EASY button for changing your thinking or for teaching yourself how to stay focused on what you want more of, it requires discipline and work to stay vigilant about your thinking.  However, the results that can be produced by this practice are life-altering…you CAN create the life that you want and the Holiday Season that you want, you just have to be willing to do the work…xoxoxo